Starbaby928

Last weekend I had my brother & sister-in-law around. This is my second sober weekend but my first sober weekend alone.

I feel like I don't know what to do. Normally my partner would just be getting home from work and we'd be spending time together... With the dogs... Our babies... We had four between us... One of which was mine... So now I have him only.

I was doing ok. I think about her and the dogs a lot. And all of a sudden I'm overwhelmed & crying.

I know we're apart because of my actions. I fully understand that. I just don't know how to not think about this... I'm trying so hard to be in the moment... And let the emotion do what it's gonna do... But I feel such a deep sense of loss...

I'm trying very hard to reconcile what happened between us with the love I have for her and it just doesn't make sense to me. I don't know that it ever will.

We were moving in together in a few months and now I'll live there alone. I have no idea how I'm going to do that...

I feel like my life has been paused but the minutes, hours, days keep moving by me.

fantail

Aw hon, I'm sorry. My weekend's lonely and lame too, but I'm not going through a loss like you are.

Getting sober is a way for you to honor that love... to show to yourself and to anyone who cares to see that this love was deep, and meaningful. And that you'll do the work to right the wrong... better late than never. I don't know what else to say except hang in there. I'll be thinking of you.

Seiceps

Hey sb, I know it hurts. Hurts a lot more with nothing to numb it too. I'm with you. The only thing I've been doing is keeping on moving. Going to visit people, going to the movies, just going somewhere, anywhere, so I'm not just sitting here.
At least you're honouring the love you have by making yourself better and not drinking. And I know for me, I would be feeling way more lonely and sad this morning if I was hungover. Keep up the good work. We are actually doing it instead of talking about it. It's awesome xxx

Seiceps

Far out fantail. Weird we both wrote the same thing at the same time !

fantail

Wow! Psychic connection going on!

1stepup

Hi Starbaby, i know how your feeling, things will get better, we're on the right track its just gona take time. Im on my own tonight, normally have my two beautiful kids with me but theyre staying at my exes grandmothers. Its been hard today i must admit i know my ex will be out tonight, she goes out most saturdays. I know the relationship doesnt work but it still hurts like hell not knowing who shes out with etc, id normally drink through these emotions and i have been wavering today, but i know ultimately that if i can get through tonight il be that much stronger tommorrow- if that makes sense?!

Hoping she doesnt call me drunk, thatll be even harder for me. I went out before to get a take away and passed the pubs id normally drink in. It felt good passing them getting food then coming home.

We're all in this together, and we'll get through these emotions with time and sobriety.

Starbaby928

Thanks fantail & seiceps... I like the idea that I can honor her through my sobriety. That helps.

1stepup- I haven't spoken to her since Friday and I generally don't have to worry about her getting drunk & calling. She's not wired that way.

I took a nap but I'm up now. Going to shower & get ready for an AA speaker event tonight.

You guys are truly great... Again, thanks for being here!

bigaquagirl

Second weekend for me too. Too much free time and too much unnecessary chatter in my head.

Saskia

Starbaby, good way to honor her by staying sober. And even more, I think, honoring yourself for having that strength. Early sober days are especially difficult as we work to change the habitual patterns in our lives. It doesn't all ever become a bed of roses, but over time you will develop better coping skills and that will feel very satisfying!

Sassy

markinsf

It's also a second weekend for me. I'm finding the best thing is to find things to keep busy. It can be useful things or something as simple as reading a book or watching a movie. Or start with a list of what I want to accomplish today and check them off as I do them. That way my day is filled and I'm not sitting around.

soberclover

Ah....the sober alone time...not a fan of it myself although I'm learning that it really is the only way I can get my thoughts straight. It's good for me to spend time alone and be successful at not drinking. I think it makes me stronger; it will make you stronger too. I'm learning for the first time to take care of myself which is really really hard. I'm not good at all with relationships and I know this somehow tied in to my drinking. You are on the right path...keep on keeping on!

Starbaby928

Thanks y'all. Yeah- I had a to-do list and all that jazz but it just wasn't the same...

Came to what I thought was a speaker meeting... Ended up inadvertently sitting in a GSR meeting, which I thought was kinda funny.

Speaker starts at 8... There is some food and fellowship & I'm terrified.

My social anxiety is at an all- time high y'all! They all seem to know each other...

So- I'm sitting in the meeting room... Posting here. But, hey, I'm here right? Baby steps for me on Day 9....

Jessi178

Great job starbaby 928

Jessi178

Today is my second night sober thought I start on the weekend incase I have some withdrawals...so far I feel so so but just keep thinking about wanting a beetroot but I know I just can't have 1...so I'm not going to attempt it...now just laying here in the room is making it worst though...don't know what to do...maybe ill take some sleeping pill an try to get some sleep.ii

Starbaby928

Hey Jessi178... I slept most of the first weekend. I was lucky to have my bro & sister in law around... I haven't had many withdrawal symptoms. Just anxiety, depression and some disturbed sleep patterns.

I'm only at the end of day 9... So... I'm trying to stay focused & positive!

I'll send positive thoughts your way!

Blessings,
SB

Jessi178

Thanks sb

Seiceps

Ahhh sb the joy of smart phones , yr never alone ! Well done on going. I've got my first group thing tomorrow morning. Ekkkk. Ill be bringing my phone !

Starbaby928

Amen! I reached out tonight & on the night of my very first meeting... Got the support I needed & made it into the rooms each time.

Take your phone Seiceps! We'll be here if you need it.

SB

liss74

Good for U x

Jessi178

How are you doing today SB