Oz11

Who knows never thought I'd find myself here. I am going to do some recovery work. Find some books on addiction, since all of my family have this issue either drugs or alcohol. I guess I thought my pain and drug use stemed from physical issue. But I have been thinking more along the idea of maybe we have gene to use its part of our makeup. . We certainly can't communicate as my side of the family. Emotioal pain to use for sure my be a big key. See mom gave us up off and on.she actually hates me. I think she has always be jealousy evil over my refusal to be abused by her as an adult and refused for her to abuse my sweet kids whom I adore. I grew up with physical abuse. Watched them drink,fight leave us alone. Step dads who were evil to us kids. Mom always never saw issue of them, even if it was wrong. as long as she had her alcohol she was fine. I watched and reached out to my siblings who was on heroin. Had one stay here for over a year as he worked me not his issues. he did give up the heroin but not drugs or alcohol. Finially had to walk away from him. Lots of losses with that family. Grew up in children home. My dad molested me. so i stayed from them , for the most part. Reached out to them but had to keep away to protect my children and myself. made a new way of life. Throughout I thought this drug or alcohol stuff would never be me. I never saw legal drugs taken for medical issue abuse. And only now do I realize that it was needed for my pain, but I most likely have more issues dealing with emotional pain , and the drugs may have medicated them too. I have been in therapy off and on to grow and heal. I am a whole and productive person over all. Have great kids, wonderful husband of 35 yrs. so I know how to grow out of disfunction, and I plan to find some help books to work on this issue of grief and dealing with addiction issues. I appreciate people who feel my post and don't want me to go backwards and I won't. I know myself that we'll. but I realize I have a hole from all the scares.

Oz11

Just ordered 2 books addiction and grace,the battles The Lord by tony evens. I will keep up posted on how I like them.