1of7

Do I have a problem with Alcohol? This question keeps popping up in my mind. My wife says no, but my mind says maybe? I drink 1-3 times weekly and when I do drink I want the buzz. I never stop at just one drink and will always have at least 4. My kids don't know I drink and I feel torn because of the secrecy.

Maybe I'm answering my own questions? Any responses would be much appreciated.

Jimuk

Hi 1of7, you don't say what you drink but if you're drinking for the buzz I guess that's where we all started. I don't know the answere you're looking for but don't ignore it, if you're unsure don't drink, if you can't not drink then there's the answere.

I started drinking at 15 for the buzz at 25 I was drinking every day at 35 I'd lost almost everything and been in trouble with the law. It's very progressive, the last five years I go from 1 pint to black out every time and the in between isn't pretty. Don't get to my stage it gets harder.

MidnightBlue

Hi, 1 of 7. Welcome to SR)

IMHO there is not strick borderline that separates alcoholic from non-alcoholic, but if you can't stop at just 1, it's something to think about. Drinking tends to progress and sneakily slips out of control, so the earlier you cope with this, the better.

If you need some kind of clear answer for yourself, maybe try to do without alcohol, say 30 days, and see how you'd feel.

Best wishes to you)

1of7

I drink Vodka most of the time. The thing is that I've told myself multiple times that I would stop and then I don't. I know I'm not physically addicted but I like drinking. The hardest part is the secrecy. My kids honestly have no idea. I don't feel like I do it to mask my problems, more like trying to make the mundane more exciting.

doggonecarl

Welcome to SR.

We all crossed that line from liking to drink and it not being a problem to needing to drink and not drinking became the problem.

Like MidnightBlue suggested, trying quitting. People without an alcohol problem will be able to do this with zero difficulty. If you have an addiction, physical or psychological, you'll know. And pretty quick.

Good luck.

hypochondriac

Physical dependency is a very small part of it compared to the psychological aspect of addiction. It seems to me like your drinking is making you feel bad because of the secrecy, which in itself is a good enough reason to quit. If you have to keep it secret then it can't be good right? I know that a major part of my problem with alcohol wasn't how much I drank or why, but the way it made me feel, which was mainly guilty. A million people could have told me I didn't have a problem with alcohol but it wouldn't make any difference because deep down I knew I did. Even the times when I wasn't drinking very much I knew I really wanted to drink more. It's like they say, 'If you are controlling it you're not enjoying it and if you are enjoying it then you're not controlling it'. Maybe with support from SR you will find it easier to quit and then you'll be able to understand more about your relationship with alcohol. Glad you're here x

sugarbear1

If it's not a problem, stop drinking for 90 days and see how you feel.

If this is too much to handle, then there may be a problem.

warrens

Hmm... reminds me of someone I once knew about twenty years ago. He was in control. Not " physically" addicted. Two stints in rehab later, he's doing quite well. Kids love him again, exes even love him. I think he plans a happy ending. Pity about the rest, however.

Be well,

warren

2granddaughters

Does your wife drink with you?

My wife told me I had a problem... it was my drinking buddies that said I was good to go.

I honestly can't remember seeing a person at an AA meeting or posting on a sobriety website that didn't belong.

All the best.

Bob R

Dee74

some great advice here 1of7- welcome

whether you're an alcoholic or not, you know this isn't a good sign - & you're clearly not happy with the way things are.

Why not try stopping for a while - that will almost certainly help you make up your mind about whether you have a problem or not.

D

Sasha4

Does it matter what other people think?

If drinking causes you unhappiness and stops you from the being the person you want to be, then is that not enough?

I think that people have this perception that an alcoholic is someone who smells, lives under a bridge, drinks bottles hidden in paper bags, carts their stuff around in a shopping trolley.

I don't think this is an accurate description at all.

I think there are different types of problem drinkers. They come from all walks of life.

I agree with the stopping for a month, or 90 days and then see.
I also think reading about alcohol and addiction might make you understand why you feel the way you do.

I wish you and your family the best. xx

1of7

My wife does drink with me and I think this is part of the reason that she says I don't have a problem, She doesn't want to stop. I told her I'm not asking her to stop drinking, but that I want to take a break. She thinks I'm overthinking and should just relax.

I don't like the way things r going. I am drinking more frequently and when I don't drink I think about the next time I will drink. I have not had a drink in 6 days and am going to stay sober for 30 days as suggested.

Thanks for the input. Any suggestions on how to handle the situation with my wife?

Booniecat

I applaud you for coming on this site. Since you are posting you at least have a concern about your drinking. All of us started with a few drinks and ended up being controlled by it. This is a progressive thing that gets harder as time goes on.

You are doing the right thing by stopping for 30 days. You may get to the end of that time and drink again or decide to extend it. When I first started, I only drank occassionally and not too much. Over time, this became a lot, every day.

Good luck.

doggonecarl

When she says relax, say okay, but I want to try and see if I can relax without drinking.

I hope she doesn't try pressuring you to drink. It could easily topple your resolve. But if you have to, be firm about wanting to go a month without drinking to see how you feel.

Deal with the next 30 when you get there.

PS
You might try posting daily to SR. Great support here. Can help when you are thinking about that next drink.

1of7

My wife does not have a problem with drinking socially. I would rather stay at home and drink. I think her concern is that I will judge her if she continuous to drink on ocassion. I have tried to express to her that this is not the case.

My concern is that I know that I am and all or nothing type of guy. If I'm going to have a drink then I'm going to have at least four, and probably more. I have noticed a bit of a change in my mindset from this is fun to this is becoming a burden. Thanks for the advice.

Twinco

Remember alcoholism is a progressive disease. It sounds now like you are at the stage of alcohol abuse, however it will progress to full blown alcoholism. Even before the first drink of their life, the person with the genetic predisposition is already an alcoholic. They just don't know it yet and have not turned on the gene with alcohol. My advice is to quit now before it gets worse.

sugarbear1

30 days isn't very long, try 90 or 180 days.

You can do this!

Ptcapote

I remember when I started trying to figure out whether I had a problem or not (and my partner at the time kept telling me that I didn't because he wanted to keep drinking), I came across a line in a book that kind of summed it all up for me. I think it was "Drinking: A Love Story" where the author is laying in bed at 2am debating whether she had a problem or not when it dawned on her that people who don't have a problem don't lay in bed at 2am debating whether they do or not. That was a wake up call for me because that's exactly what I was doing. Try stopping for the 30/60/90 but if you are having these debates in your head now---well, consider it carefully. As my dearly departed grandmother used to say, "If it makes you feel even the slightest bit yucky inside, you shouldn't be doing it. Period." I think that applies to drinking too.

1of7

I hear ya on this one. I've waken up a time or two debating with myself. Sometimes its like I have two seperate minds constantly at battle with one another. I don't want to tread further down this path for fear of where it may lead. I've read extensively on this site about others who were much further into there addictions. I have tremendous compasion for those who have lost so much and tremendous hope for those who have regained their sobriety. I'm grateful for finding this forum.

least

to the family! I would also suggest quitting for a few months to see how you feel about it and how it goes for you. As to your wife, just tell her you want to take a break from drinking for a while. I hope she can understand that.