Daughter homeless and addicted to heroin
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 2
Daughter homeless and addicted to heroin
Hi,
This is my first time joining anything like this. I am here to talk about my struggles and hear what other parents are going through.
I have a 20 year old daughter that is addicted to heroin and is currently homeless with her boyfriend. She has been using for about a year and a half, prior to that it was oxys.....prior to that it was pot. She spent about a year in recovery from pot, going to NA meetings, super adament about being sober. She detoxed once before from heroin last year, on the road across country to live in Delaware (from Washington state) but as soon as she came back she was using again.
I am slowly coming to terms with the fact that I cannot control this situation. That has been the hardest part for me. I wish often that I could just reach the part of her that I know to be good and reasonable, but she has become so hardend. She has all but stopped communicating with her family but keeps in contact with a good friend. Just tonight this friend text me that she is not doing well at all (rail thin, not healthy) and feels I should be the one to say something. She gave me my daughters new phone number and now I dont know what to do. My first instinct is to do anything I can to get her to come home, take care of her. I know that will push her away.
Anyone have any advice?? I am heartsick and starting to fear for the worst with her.
I work in a busy emergency dept and see overdoses on a regular basis, I pray that one day it's not her that I walk into the room and see.....
This is my first time joining anything like this. I am here to talk about my struggles and hear what other parents are going through.
I have a 20 year old daughter that is addicted to heroin and is currently homeless with her boyfriend. She has been using for about a year and a half, prior to that it was oxys.....prior to that it was pot. She spent about a year in recovery from pot, going to NA meetings, super adament about being sober. She detoxed once before from heroin last year, on the road across country to live in Delaware (from Washington state) but as soon as she came back she was using again.
I am slowly coming to terms with the fact that I cannot control this situation. That has been the hardest part for me. I wish often that I could just reach the part of her that I know to be good and reasonable, but she has become so hardend. She has all but stopped communicating with her family but keeps in contact with a good friend. Just tonight this friend text me that she is not doing well at all (rail thin, not healthy) and feels I should be the one to say something. She gave me my daughters new phone number and now I dont know what to do. My first instinct is to do anything I can to get her to come home, take care of her. I know that will push her away.
Anyone have any advice?? I am heartsick and starting to fear for the worst with her.
I work in a busy emergency dept and see overdoses on a regular basis, I pray that one day it's not her that I walk into the room and see.....
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,463
Welcome, and I'm sorry for your situation.
As you said, there is little you can do to help your daughter until she decides that she wants to live a sober life.
You might want to check out AlAnon as a support for you as you go through this.
Also, we have forums for Friends & Families on this message board and you will find support there, as well.
As you said, there is little you can do to help your daughter until she decides that she wants to live a sober life.
You might want to check out AlAnon as a support for you as you go through this.
Also, we have forums for Friends & Families on this message board and you will find support there, as well.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: NZ
Posts: 238
Wow you poor thing. Hey I know nothing about heroin I'm sorry, but I am a mum and I just wanted you to know someone somewhere is reading this and cares. You will get some great advice here. I think there is a forum for friends and family and also one for narcotics too. Someone will help x
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Central America/Florida USA
Posts: 4,064
Is rehab an option for her? I know it's not "your problem" at all -- but in my experience it was a "last resort" type of thing, and it finally ended up happening for me. I am grateful to have been lucky enough to have a family that cared so much about my health, it sounds like your daughter is lucky as well to have such a caring parent. Good luck in whatever comes your way, you will find many knowledgeable people here and on the friends & family board.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((HopeForUs)) - Welcome to SR, though sorry for what brought you here.
I'm what they call a "double winner" - I'm a recovering codependent and recovering addict. I, too, was homeless though crack was my drug of choice. I actually turned to drugs to "deal" with the addicts in my life. NOT recommended.
SR has been a huge part of both my recoveries, though I've found the codependent aspect a bit harder than the addiction one.
Though I'm sorry for what has brought you here, I'm really glad you are here.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I'm what they call a "double winner" - I'm a recovering codependent and recovering addict. I, too, was homeless though crack was my drug of choice. I actually turned to drugs to "deal" with the addicts in my life. NOT recommended.
SR has been a huge part of both my recoveries, though I've found the codependent aspect a bit harder than the addiction one.
Though I'm sorry for what has brought you here, I'm really glad you are here.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 2
Thank you to the people that replied to my post! I have been in contact with her the last two nights (out of the blue she responded to my texts) but it has been 'light', like nothing in the world is wrong. She has expressed that she wants to come see me but has a myriad of excuses as to why she cant.....
I have trouble controlling my desire to tell her what to do, to tell her what is the right thing for her to be doing....I know that wont work and so I would love to here anyone's tales of how they have delt with an addict (especially a child) without going completely nuts and trying to cope with having to relinquish control (I know I have none when it comes to her life choices). I dont want to say or do the wrong thing to lose contact with her, but I dont want to let her think this is 'ok' with me....
The hardest part is missing the girl she used to be; Smart, talented artist, funny, strong willed....I hope that she doesnt lose this all to addiction.
!!!
I have trouble controlling my desire to tell her what to do, to tell her what is the right thing for her to be doing....I know that wont work and so I would love to here anyone's tales of how they have delt with an addict (especially a child) without going completely nuts and trying to cope with having to relinquish control (I know I have none when it comes to her life choices). I dont want to say or do the wrong thing to lose contact with her, but I dont want to let her think this is 'ok' with me....
The hardest part is missing the girl she used to be; Smart, talented artist, funny, strong willed....I hope that she doesnt lose this all to addiction.
!!!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 951
Hi Hope,
Welcome to SR. Glad you found us.
Have you read the sticky posts at the top of the forums?
There is an awesome Friends and Family Forum here with lots of Mom's and Dad's who have experience, strength and hope to share that I just know will help you. KindEyes and Ann both have sons who sound much like your daughter; brilliant and greatly loved kids who are waking the same difficult road of addiction.
Come on over and post your story there, too if you like.
Peace and Prayers for your family,
Hanna
Welcome to SR. Glad you found us.
Have you read the sticky posts at the top of the forums?
There is an awesome Friends and Family Forum here with lots of Mom's and Dad's who have experience, strength and hope to share that I just know will help you. KindEyes and Ann both have sons who sound much like your daughter; brilliant and greatly loved kids who are waking the same difficult road of addiction.
Come on over and post your story there, too if you like.
Peace and Prayers for your family,
Hanna
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