Spenser

Today is going to be the day for me. I have been wrestling with an alcohol problem for over a decade, and although I have been fortunate to not have hit the hard bottom, haven't lost friends of family or job or health, I know this is a road that only keeps spiraling downward. I have been looking at this problem sideways for a long time, I have done all kinds of things around it to keep my life going well, but I know, deep down inside, that this drinking problem is stopping me from so many things I want in my life. I'm tired of the whole charade, the drinking three beers on the way home from work to get my head start, keeping beer in the garage so I can conveniently go out and guzzle a quick one (even warm), throwing empties away in numerous trash cans to spread out the evidence, going to three different beer stores during the week so I am not in the same one every day - what would they think if I was? I am tired of waking up with a hangover. Tired of it all. No one knows I have this problem, but I do. I'm thinking to myself, why am I spending three to four hours a day drinking this poison which makes me feel good for a couple hours but ruins the other 20 every day? I am too agitated all the time. I want to wake up and really enjoy the morning, you know, have a hot cup of coffee and sit outside and enjoy nature waking up for the day. I drink to de-stress and to sleep, I have always had a problem sleeping, even before I drank. I smoked pot in college and young adulthood daily, no one ever even knew, I was stoned all day every day. Then, one day, I said enough. The hassle of it all was not worth it, the buzz was not really there, it was stupid. So I quit, which I never thought I would be able to do. Now I never think about it. I am hoping I can do the same with drinking. I am hoping I won't have to live with the constant thoughts surrounding drinking, the guilt, the denial, the anticipation, the planning, everything. Of course, I've said all this before and there I am again, on the way home drinking beer. I know I have to stop, I have known for a few years, and I need to do it before it becomes a huge problem.

I have been reading assorted postings this week on this wonderful site, and I think with all the tremendous people here giving each other support that with that kind of support I can do this.

It's time for me to take responsibility, face it, and take the first step. Wish me luck.

Little Missy

Good for you Spenser! Take that first step.
Hi I'm Missy, alcoholic! I did have to giggle at some of the things you said. It sounded SO like me. Hiding the beer, then the cans, planning/scheming how and when I could drink. It really is alot of work! hehe
Recovery is alot of work also. And it is so worth it. We make it through our ups and downs with each other here! My cyber family! I love them all, they have given me such great support and advise. Welcome and stick around. You have found a place of understanding!

Keep posting,
Missy

eddie z.

Spenser,
Welcome to SR!! But I won't wish you luck because it's not about luck. It's about commitment to recovery. Have you considered trying an AA meeting? There is no substitute for that kind of face-to-face support, I believe. You HAVE taken the first step by admitting that there is a problem. Congratulations! You might want to talk to a doctor about stopping also because you may need to be detoxed. I wish you the best!
Love, Eddie

Dan

Oh baby, do you ever mirror me! Right down to alternating where I would purchase my booze. Yep, you describe a drinking problem all right. We been waiting for you.
Name's Dan, addict that loooooved alcohol. Still do I suppose! Welcome Spenser.

Spenser

Thanks, Missy, I think I will in fact hang out here as it really seems to help people. The stories are fascinating, and the friendships seem so real. Yeah, the stories are kind of funny but I have never admitted any of them before. It IS a lot of work. It is so ridiculous. I am a little worried to commit to this, because, quite frankly, I am afraid I won't be able to do it, but if I don't try, I'll never know. I'm gonna hold myself accountable, though. I think this site is exactly what I need for support, and I hope with time and sobriety I can help others as well. Anyway, today is my first day. Thank you so much for your reply, it means alot to a guy who has been a big secret drinker for so long.

ted

WELCOME SPENSER,
YOUR IN THE RIGHT PLACE,SORRY TO TELL YOU BUT ,
THE SECRETS OUT!SO NOW THAT THATS OVER WITH,YOU CAN DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!STICK AROUND AND GET THE HELP
AND SUPPORT YOU ASKED FOR. ted

:beerchug: :uzi2: SORRY, I JUST LOVE THAT.

In memory of miracle

Welcome Spenser! Today is the day!Say good bye to your misery!I am pullin for you!One day at a time,recovery is possible..peace and prayers Trish.

Spenser

Thanks to you all, I really appreciate the support right out of the gate.

Hoping to become a camel. You guys know what that it? A camel is an animal that starts its days on its knees. It ends its days on its knees. And it can go 24 hours without a drink.

Dan, thanks for the support and empathy. You know, I did not even really realize how twisted my secret behaviors were until I wrote them down. Weird but enlightening.

Thanks all.

Dan

You're gonna fit right in here spense!
:LMAO

TorontoGuy28

Spenser... Welcome.

Like you, I came to the same conclusion 2 weeks ago and have been sober ever since.... Keep comin' back, join us in the on-line meetings..

MootPoint

Welcome Spencer! Boy do you sound like me. Alcohol was a full time job with me and I worked hard at it.

Glad your at SR

Chy

Welcome Spencer!

I to had to had to prepare myself for sobriety. I knew deep down, it would only get worse as I was loving my beer just a little to much. Glad you found us we're here to listen cause we know exactly where your at. You can do this.

Anna

Hi Spenser,

Welcome and I promise you it will get better. Except maybe for the guilt - that's a tough one for me and many of us here. But, the rest of it gets so much better! So hang on and stay around here for support and understanding.

Love, Anna

JaySee

Well done mate.

Look forward to those mornings - they work for me.

Spenser

I can't describe how touched I am by this new experience with all of you. I guess you all understand. I can really feel the genuine-ness and true friendship in all the messages, and I have spent a good deal of the day today looking at so many different threads and posts, getting to know you all a little bit. There is a lot of courage in this place and I marvel at what so many of you have been through, and the humble strength that you all have as a result of being together. It's a lonely world out there sometimes, even when you have a good family and friends, when you are personally aware of this problem and no one but you knows it...yet. I am trying to take a good hard look at this before it becomes a major problem that begins to affect more than just me.

Each and every one of you have given me things to think about, and I truly truly appreciate it. It's my first day, and you have given me the strength to start this journey back to sobriety.

Thanks for accepting me today.

wingsfree

Hi Spenser....pleased to meet you, and welcome to sober recovery, so happy you've found us....hope you know how blessed you've been finding SR, this is the best gang around..but you already figured that out, didn't you? This place has the best teachers around, you just need to pay attention and really listen. :wink2:

Guess what, you'll be accepted here all the time, you're just like the rest of us, we all want to get well, so welcome to your new family, and I'm wishing you the best on your recovery. YIPPPPPPPEEEEEEE to sobriety.

Hugs....Denise :skippy:

In memory of miracle

Thank-you! Love the camel!!! Trish..peace.

Spenser

Thanks, Trish and Denise, I like the saying "when the student is ready, the teacher appears". I am apparently ready for something, and I do feel very blessed to have happened upon this great family. I believe there are no accidents in this world, and it is not an accident to have found SR.

Dan

Yep, SR is da cadillac spense! A silent (well sometimes!) community of like minded people. Don't know, is it the weather down in Arizona? Tom from Scottsdale got here last night! Yeah, I dig the camel too.

mackat

heh spenser
you are so right- we all have the choice about where to get off that elevator, no sense in riding all th way to the basemant ... and i can form all sorts of strange rationalizations to convince myself that i am not there Y.E.T. [You Eventually Too]
welcome welcome
mackat