FullofShame

I am so frustrated and disgusted with myself. I can't seem to quit. Last night I went to an art opening and had three glasses (small ones) of wine. I feel awful this morning. I know I want to give up alcohol. I am on this forum every day - not posting much but reading and getting inspiration. I am obsessed with not drinking - I think about it nonstop. Doesn't this mean I shop stop? My last black out was NYE and I know if I keep having a few glasses here and there another one will come. I can feel it.

TigerLili

It took me a long time to quit. It's not an easy journey. Maybe it will help to post a bit more about how you are going, especially when you find yourself obsessing.

CrossFox

Hi Fullofshame. I think that it's good that you decided to come here and share - that's a good sign.

I am like you: not a daily drinker, necessarily, but alcohol was on my mind quite a lot and taking over my life. The decision to "dial back" my alcohol consuption did not bring peace, or good results, so I decide to stop altogether, forever.

I hope you'll stay and find support and maybe answers.

chanty

H i Fullofshame, I am with you, I can't seem to quit either, and its all I think about lately, I have spent so much time here in the last few days, which is not such a bad thing. I think we know what we really want, but we need to learn how. I have joined Class of March 2013, http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ch-2013-a.html, why don't you too, and we can do this together.

fantail

FoS... I thought about quitting almost every day for the last two years and intermittently before that. I tried at least four times and rarely made it more than a couple of days until this most recent go (I'm still on early days, so touch wood that it sticks!). Hopefully it doesn't take you that long to finally pull the plug... but the fact that you're thinking about it so seriously is a step in the right direction. Give it a go! Posting regularly here has helped me feel accountable.

SullyS

Have you tried any twelve step programs?? I feel your pain and I've been there and it is sucks to feel so helpless.

I realized why I couldn't stop no matter how bad I WANTED to when I went to AA. So I am sure it has been suggested but I would like to suggest it once more! haha

Kimmers

I understand completely!!! The cravings are an obsession.I asked my psycologist for help and she prescribed me Vivitrol to curb my appetiate for alcohol.

hollowx

It's a tough road, but you are here so you are still fighting for your chance at sobriety. I also recommend some outside counseling. If anything it should give you insight on key factors that negatively impact your decision making.

hollowx

I, however think your decision to not have more should be taken into account as well. You are making progress. I commend you for that.

Oz11

Maybe you need more help other than here to make your program work for you. Are u in a support group? Try to avid places where u will be tempted. I hope u hang on help can make it happen for you.

LexieCat

Lots of us have to do something a lot more active than reading and posting on a forum.

I suggest you give AA a try. It got me off to a wonderful start, and four and a half years later, I am still sober, and still an active member of AA. It's a great way to live.

fallingtogether

FoS, I have been there! I was sober for close to 4 months and then I started dabbling in the wine. All was ok, besides the mental torture I put myself through as well as the constant justification of having these drinks. Then, my blackout happened. I drank all night Friday night, woke up and had some more to calm the shakes and drown the regret and then I went to work and made an ass outta myself. The guilt shame and remorse were monsterous! I had to turn around and face these people in 2 days. Panic set in. I beat myself up really bad. Really bad. I didn't sleep for over 24 hours because I thought my heart was going to jump out of my skin! But, I prayed and prayed and talked things out and today, I'm being kind to myself. I relapsed, it happens. I thought I was being kind to myself by allowing a few drinks here and there. Ha!!!! No way. I've come away from this knowing tht if I drink, I will die! Today is Friday, one week ago the spiral was spiraling. I can honestly say that I surrender. And now I'm back into my program feet first, and ironically, every reading and discussion this week has applied to my situation. Of course that's just my experience, and I hope you don't have to experience the same things. Take care of yourself and be kind to you!

2granddaughters

I couldn't get quit and stay quit until I surrendered to Alcoholics Anonymous.

Trying to prove to myself (and everyone else) that I wasn't an alcoholic almost killed me.

Many alcoholics die wondering "what happened" and not realizing the true problem when the true problem was so obvious to those around us.

That, IMHO, is the disease of alcoholism.

Please Google and read AA's "How It Works" and "The Promises of Alcoholics Anonymous". See if you can identify.

All the best.

Bob R