KUfan

So I'm new to this forum, but I'm not new to the importance of getting as much support as possible in recovery. I stopped drinking (at the age of 26) in April of 2005 after blacking out and waking up in the bed of a stranger (I'm married and was then as well). That was what I thought was my absolute rock bottom. Then, for reasons I'm not sure I understand, I started drinking again over this past summer. I thought "hey, I can do this. Maybe I wasn't really ever an alcoholic." WRONG! I had another blackout with the most recent episode ending the same way my last one did. I'm scared, angry, sad, guilt-ridden, disgusted with myself, the list goes on and on. I love my husband and myself (although sometimes this is VERY difficult) enough to know I need to quit drinking. I can't handle it and I will never be able to drink like a "normal" person. I'm not sure I have ever felt as low as I do now. I didn't think things could get worse than last time, but having thrown away 8 years of sobriety certainly makes it feel worse. I need help and support--I don't know how else to say it.

Dee74

Hi KUfan

I don;t know you threw away anything - everything you accomplished in 8 years is still accomplished, and everything you learned you still know - we just forget it in a moment of madness sometimes.

The important thing is you're back on the right road - you can fix things up from here

How did you stay sober for 8 years?

D

RocketQueen

Welcome KUfan.

You will find a lot of support here from people who have been there, done that :-)

RQ

KUfan

Dee74,
Thank you for your quick response to my post. My first time getting sober, I went to AA for several months. It was very helpful, but then I felt I could stay sober on my own. I honestly didn't have a desire to drink after the first month or so. I was even able to go to parties, weddings, bars, etc without drinking or even wanting to drink. The incident I referred to above was enough to scare me sober (for 8 years anyway). In retrospect, I probably should have continued to go to AA periodically, just to remind myself that, yes, I am still an alcoholic. I plan to return to AA as soon as possible when I get home from my business trip. It's surreal to me that 8 years later, literally the EXACT same thing has happened (drinking excessively while away on business, blacking out, ending up with a stranger, etc) and here I am bruised and broken all over again. So frustrating!

Dee74

I never had 8 years - more like that 8 weeks was my record until 2007 but the thing I found was no matter how much abstinent time I had, things were always exactly the same when I drank again - well the same, if not worse.

D

soberclover

I, like, you relapsed after a long period of sobriety. My relapse lasted for eight years and I think I also thought that I was "fixed/normal". The reality for me was that I was not. In fact my drinking became worse. The blackouts happened sooner, lasted longer, and I did a lot more damage to my body, mind, and sould while in the blackout. I hope you continue on your journey to stay sober. Alcoholism is progressive for sure and only gets worse no matter how much sober time we accumulate. I like your idea about going back to meetings. What else do you think you could include this time around that you didn't before? I'm back in therapy and getting very honest with myself.

KUfan

I too am back in therapy and it's helping immensely with some of the underlying causes of my drinking. We don't even talk specifically about my drinking actually. During those 8 years of sobriety, I didn't really address deeply embedded issues that led me to drink in the first place. Something I realize now that I didn't before is that while quitting drinking will help improve my life, it's not the only thing I have to do. I don't want to continually re-live the horrible things that happened or anything, but I also think I need to frequently remind myself that I'm an alcoholic. I got too confident and am now suffering the consequences. All of this "life improvement" work is not going to be easy, but I know it will be worth it!

Hevyn

Welcome to the family KUfan. I once had 3 years sober and decided I could have 'a few' once in awhile. I ended up drinking for 7 more years - I was worse than ever, drinking 'round the clock in the end. That was all the proof I needed that I couldn't touch it.

Try not to feel so low and down on yourself. As Dee said, the 8 years was still an accomplishment - and nothing can take that away. You know now that drinking always leads to an unpredictable outcome. You'll be even more determined to do this. We know you can!