PreciousKitty

Good Morning,
Well I guess because I sipped two beers to help me through the hangover yesterday, today is officially day one.

Thanks for all the support yesterday.

I know exactly what the trigger was that made me relapse. I think I have a solution and am hoping to get some input.

My 30 year old daughter and her 10 year old son are staying with me because she broke her ankle. My 19 year old is helping to take care of her. But all this has added so much stress on me. The house is always a bigger mess (which was already a problem that was a trigger). My grandson is yelling all the time etc...I wish I could handle this task but I think everyone is capable of helping more and when I ask for help it turns into me holding everything in, living in my room and relapsing.

They are trying to help me stay sober so they tell me to get out of my room and when I don't they basically tell me I am not working on my sobriety. I can see their point but it can be a stressful atmosphere with them there. It is causing lots of issues/feelings on both sides.

The idea I have is to pay what I can to my 19 year old to go stay with her at her house to take care of her. Then I can go back to being a mom of adult children and a normal grandma.

Looking for thoughts....Thanks

Nonsensical

For me, being alone would be worse than having people in my house with me.

Everyone is different, of course.

PreciousKitty

I'm sure my 19 year old would come back when my daughter can walk. My 21 year old son and hubby live there too. And my girls/grandson can visit a few times a week. I just am not doing well with them living there.

Nonsensical

Ahhh, I see. If it's not a financial burden, and you think it will help you stay sober, what's the downside? Why do you have to think about it? Will it hurt someone's feelings or something?

Mvngon

Hi PK.

It's really tough for me to give advice, especially without knowing all of the facts, but based on what I've read, here are my thoughts:

1. If having the family elsewhere is best for your recovery, and you can afford to pay your son, then by all means, do what's best for you.

2. If being alone presents obstacles in your recovery, then maybe consider giving the family a bit more time.

I empathize with where you are coming from. My family is a huge source of stress. I am new (14 days) into recovery, and I feel like I am constantly reminding myself that the feelings and emotions that I am having right now cannot always be relied upon. My brain is just too messed up. I am so sensitive to my families shortcomings, but I know that I may or may not feel differently about this as time passes. Yes, they irritate me to no end. They are so unhelpful and I feel taken advantage of. But, I see where I have fostered some of this, and this too will take time to heal (just my experience, not implying this is yours).

I hope that you find some relief in your stress. Most importantly, take it easy on yourself. You are trying hard, and reaching out for support. You are doing great!

robgt350

i think me being alone would be more of a stressor or wanting to drink, which most of the time i am. but day 1 is good! hope to see many more days sober.

AnvilheadII

perhaps another way to view this is having the chance to find OTHER ways to deal with stress besides drinking. the thing about triggers...they are really just dressed up excuses.

PreciousKitty

I guess that is what I want to make sure I am not doing. I think my solution is good but am I avoiding the issue of not setting rules and boundaries in my home?

ScottFromWI

To be brutally honest PK, it's always easier to come up with excuses as to why you drank than just to not drink in the first place. No matter how much you try to sheild yourself from stress or triggers, they will always be there. So while it's probably a good idea to make the environment as sobriety friendly as possible, at some point you need to just bite the bullet and stop drinking. I did the same thing for years - I'll quit after the baby isn't sick anymore. I'll quit after this big project at work is done. I'll quit after......you can always find something to put in that sentence.

I wish you the best of luck, and if you can financially do this perhaps it is for the best - but bottom line you've got to make the decision to just quit on your own.

Anna

I do think it's important to have a stress-free environment, if possible, in early recovery. This time has to be a time for you to care for yourself and to put yourself first. In my opinion, if other family members don't like it, that's okay. That's about them, not about you.

If you can set firm boundaries in your home, that could work. In my opinion, don't allow others to offer advice, if you feel you need to spend a little time alone. You know in your heart what is right for you now, and allow your heart to guide you.