Dagger

I'v been sober now 6 weeks and my partner of 18 years left me and is an alcoholic.

She left on Friday and cant take it that I don't want to drink any more, its the second time in two weeks and both time's she has taken all the money and said nasty thing's, she's a bit of a nasty drunk sometimes, I'm doing really well on my own but I cant stand life with out her.

Now she wants to come back and I no deep down i'll take her back.
When she's sober she's the most wonduful person, now I don't no what to do.

LexieCat

Well, would you rather be in an unhappy relationship, or be happily sober? I know a few people who have maintained relationships with alcoholics while recovering, themselves, but it makes things twice as hard.

Are you in AA? Or Al-Anon? I suggest you would benefit greatly from both.

melivinsober

This is always a tough question. I'm compelled to say "no don't take her back" however, it's all about what you can handle. For me, I needed to get happy with myself and focus on me before turning my attention to a partner. I've never been in a relationship with an alcoholic, but a lot of my family is... and I know that can be extremely stressful.

Focus on you for a while... maybe continue to take a break and make sure she knows you're serious about being sober. Have you talked to her about HER alcohol use?

hypochondriac

Maybe her coming back should be conditional and she has to be supportive of your sobriety x

renaldo

That's a tough one.

I can't offer any suggestions, only blessings, and they're coming to you in spades.

Dagger

Thanks guys for the good advice I posted that earlier, and now its not looking good, she didn't go to work and was drunk when me mum spoke to her, now she is hitting the vodka she started at 9am, I really worried should I bring her back and look after her, I no she needs help.

Spoke to my worker who is sorting out my after care and my team and i'm thinking about may be a sponser, but one day at a time hope you guy's [lexiecat, melivinsober, hypochondriac, Renaldo] Thanks

renaldo

Where does she stay when she goes away?

Continued blessings towards you. This is a ball buster. Vodka at 9am is a death sentence.

However, I had a sponsor who used to drink a gallon of vodka per day and somehow he lived through it. He gave it up and died of natural causes, but, understandably, he had stomach problems. You can't really fool Mother Nature. It might look like you are, but you know it in your gut when you're between a hard rock and a cafe.

I can't imagine drinking a gallon of anything - even water.

You may have to learn to live without her, but only you can say with all the background info.

Did she just want to go off and drink, or did something else happen? I think that there can be a genetic propensity towards consumption of alcohol, so it may have nothing to do with you.

Damn those pesky genes, but I inherited a lot of good things from them too. Resistance to disease, for example (well, not counting alcohol). I've got pioneer stock. Other people died, so the remaining genes were the strongest.

It's a choice whether to look at the negative or positive. What the ratio is is a matter of contention and something I don't think anyone will ever have the answer to. It changes with the season.

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times."

Someone smarter than me said that.

quitforme79

When I am not sure what to do I wait to make a decision until I am positive. Maybe you can take more time to yourself. IMHO it's better then going up and down, back and forth. Early recovery is emotional enough!

hypochondriac

If she is safe somewhere? Personally I think you should look after yourself and your own sobriety. If she is already elsewhere then maybe a bit of time apart won't be a bad thing in these early days. You can still support her while she isn't living with you x