DisplacedGRITS

I'm here. Haven't had those drinks yet. Gonna go to my favorite oyster bar while i'm still down south, grab a dozen oysters and most likely have my drink then. Hit another meeting this afternoon. I'm still going daily and listening to my tapes in the car. Don't anyone think i've given up. I haven't.

FreeFall

I hope you have a safe trip home. It sounds like it will give you silence and time to think which should be welcome after your last few days.

I don't get the having the drink and going to the meeting in the same day. For me, it would either be have the drink and (no way would it be just one if I had decided I was going to drink) skip the meeting, or attend the meeting and skip the drink.

I agree with Dee and SoberFallon-too many things can happen that you don't plan for once you take the drink and give alcohol back it's power over you. If you are only drinking it because you like the taste I bet there's something non alcoholic that could mimic that taste.

As a matter of fact, here are over 700 recipes to try that you might like the taste of Non-alcoholic recipes: 700+ appetizing drink recipes.

DisplacedGRITS

Thanks for the recipes! I'm always looking for new, interesting non-alcoholic drinks. The reason i'm attending meetings is to keep myself from disparing. It's to keep the light of hope on. If i quit my meetings and my speaker tapes, i'll just fall deeper. I'm not stumbling in there drunk. I'm trying to tread water until i can get back home where i can finally make my forward progress. I'm treading water right now. I know that i'm making excuses and i accept that. Am i ashamed? You bet your butt i am. But i'm an alcoholic. I'm used to living in shame. It doesn't mean i'm going to stay there. I leave Friday morning which means tonight is the night to get the drink done so i'm stone cold sober for my drive home. I'm not getting drunk. I have to drive home and i'm never driving drunk again. Tomorrow is going to suck but i've got meetings and tapes and SR and the promise of more good seafood. I'm still dealing with the fact that the emotions i'm feeling are mainly fear, anxiety and anger but i'm taking steps to keep hope in my life.

Dee74

well you can't say I'm not persistent....

I hope you'll read through some of your old posts and decide not to have that drink DG.

You can decide to be done now.
The only real reason to drink is because that little addiction imp is in the driving seat.

be good to yourself
D

Pondlady

I too hope you'll decide against that drink. How about some iced tea with your oysters? If you like the flavor of sour mash and aren't drinking to get drunk......how about a non alcoholic version.

You can start with your "forward progress" now.

faceitandfixit

I'll cast my vote...go with those delicious oysters and the non-alcoholic version of that amaretto sour. You'll have all the nostalgia without the pain and misery of trying to stop at that one drink.
We're rooting for you DG, safe travels back home (in both the literal and figurative sense)!

DisplacedGRITS

Life is kinda crazy. Ok, here's what happened. So i go to my meeting. It's a speaker meeting. It goes well except for that i'm distracted by the two kids that want to play with each other's hands instead of listen to the speakers. I catch about 85% of what's said but my blood's simmering a bit. Ok...let it go. Not my place right now. Anyways, meeting's over and i'm talking to some people about my trip and my AA speaker tapes i'm listening to and that i' googoogaga over Clancy I. "Clancy?" they say. "He's spoken here before. As a matter of fact, he'll be here for our Jamboree May 31-June 2!" Damn...if i don't have a job, i may be planning a trip to 'visit the family' then.

So, i'm all done and now i'm excited. I'm going to get my oysters and amaretto sour. This is it. I get to my restaurant, get to the bar and order my drink and oysters. i take a sip and it's nice. Nostalgic. Like my first drink. It's not MY amaretto sour because it's not a crazy ass 50/50 mix. My oysters arrive. I have my Nook out, my drink and my oysters. I'm trying to read but people are trying to engage me. Look, i'm a lonely alcoholic. I suck at engaging. But i'm terribly polite and i actually like people so i make a feeble attempt at interacting. I fumble my way through the interactions. Ok, that was awkward enough...back to the drink and oysters...then, it happens...

"And, ladies and gentlemen, at the bar we have one of the finest flutists i've ever known, Lisa!"

O
M
G

Busted.

I know the gal running trivia night. We were friends in high school. We shared a best friend. I actually considered her a kinda frenemey. But thanks to many years, Facebook and the Green Bay Packers (Go Pack Go) we are friends as adults. Well, i sip my drink, eat my oysters and keep jumping up to talk to my friend between questions. My Nook lies forgotten. The drink is consumed between oysters, a crabcake i ordered and trips to my friend for conversation. "Would you like another amaretto sour?" "Nah, just a water and a cup of gumbo." I take the water and gumbo over to my friend and the focus of the evening has TOTALLY shifted.

We start catching up and i gotta fess up right away because i've been open about my recovery on FB but haven't talked about my relapse. I figure i'm not going to get into it until i'm back into recovery seriously again. I tell her that i'd been doing okay until a month ago but had a relapse and was actually at the bar tonight for my farewell drink. She's not judging me and ends up opening up about all the mess she's been going through for the past several years. WTF did i come here for again? The night turned into something totally different. We talked, did trivia and just bonded like we never could have in high school. It was amazing. Tonight was supposed to be about my farewell to alcohol. It ended up being about delving deeper into a relationship with a person i still harbored some resentments towards. What really floored me was the last thing she said to me. As she was loading the last of her equipment into her car, she turned to me and blurted out "Lisa, i took Cyn from you in high school." She kinda stole my best friend from me in my eyes. I never really forgave her for that. I smiled tonight and i told her "that was years ago and anyways, high school only lasted 4 years."

Tonight, i was able to let go of a resentment i've stubbornly held on to since high school. I just had a beautiful night. I don't think i deserve the grace God showed me tonight but i got the message.