skella99

I am here because I am have an alcoholic 21 year old daughter. She came to me several months ago saying she wanted help, but in the past week, she has relapsed. Actually, she never stopped drinking, she was just hiding it. I was doing all of the work (scheduling her appointments, making sure she went, staying motivated for her).

In the past week, her behavior is back to a point where her behavior is unbearable and I need to make some choices.

I am very hurt and scared and angry and I need a place where I can talk to others going through similar and maybe hear stories from people suffering with alcoholism/addiction, so that I can understand my daughter and this situation and learn to deal with her/it in the most effective, compassionate way.

I have read a few posts and I am certainly grateful to this place. I am not always able to make it to Al-Anon meetings and having this place at my finger tips at all hours of the day and night is a wonderful comfort.

Coldfusion

Thanks for joining, Skella!

You are really doing all the right things--going to meetings and participating in SR.

What specific "choices" do you face? What are you considering as a "first step?"

nfijules

For me as an alcoholic/addict, I was at a point of desperation and made the call to treatment myself. All my enablers,doors, and resources were cut off. I had no other choice but to get help myself. I knew my family loved me, but I could no longer get them to "help" me. I had to do this on my own. Its been over 2 years now, and I am just here to pay it forward. Goodluck and definately seek alanon and get yourself to a healthy state.

Mvngon

skella,

You sound like a great mom who cares deeply for her daughter. She is lucky to have your support.

I have a dear friend who is in his 40's. He was an addict in his 20's. He has shared his story with me, and it is heart wrenching. One of the things he attributes his sobriety to is his family stepping back. For years his parents picked up the pieces, provided him with housing, money, food, etc. When they made the decision that they were enabling him, and stopped, he was angry. That was a long time ago. He now says that it is the best thing that could have ever happened to him. He is healthy, successful, and very close with his parents. He believes that cutting him off saved him.

I hope the best for you and your daughter, and support you in this difficult time.

skella99

Last year, I had to kick my daughter out of the home. She went to Phoenix and was on the streets and starting to use meth. I guess that was the trigger for her and she called home begging for help.

I picked her up, signed her up for what my insurance would cover, intense outpatient treatment, and thought she was on the road to recovery.

Last week, she came home at least 3 times obliterated from alcohol. I took her phone and read through her text messages. She has not stopped drinking and her texts indicated that she wasnt even interested in stopping. She hid it well for several months, but now she is back to the state she was in when I kicked her out initially.

She has never held a job, has no money, so I am forced to give her an ultimatum, which I think she will fail, and I will have to kick her out onto the streets again.

I am very scared, but I am just so tired of doing all of the "helping" when she wont even help herself.

skella99

Nfijules:
Thank you very much, this gives me hope.
And congrats on 2 years!!

skella99

Mvngon,
This is exactly what I am working on. Stepping back.
Thank you so much!

Dee74

Welcome to SR Skella

I know you'll find support here - I can also recommedn our Family and Friends forums too

Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

D

vegibean

skella, I bet it's hard for you, but it sounds like you're doing all the work. It's time for her to do it and I think you probably already know that the only way she's going to really want it is if she has nothing left.

I wish you the best, I hope you can get your daughter help, have you tried an inpatient rehab center?? That would be a great place for her to go.

My best to the both of you.

skella99

Vegibean,
Thank you. I believe she needs inpatient rehab, but my insurance only covers inpatient for detox, and I cant afford an inpatient treatment center on my salary.

I am worried that eventually, she will wind up inpatient in a jail. Though, I have often wished for that because then I know she is safe and away from alcohol.

Its sad when you think the safest place for your child is jail because there are no other options.