Spinach

Over the last few months , something changed. I still put in place a" one day at a time" plan and often have to say to myself "No you know you can't !" but it's becoming more of a mantra. I'm not ignoring it its just changed meaning , from being an admonishment to something nearer a statement of fact.
I'm not letting my guard down, in reality I feel a warm glow of happiness when I think it, a feeling of future and grounding like being home, safe.
So when you have a that thought of eternal wrestling or hopeless future without drink ,think that that feeling like urges settle down, not just to bearable but to positive and comfortable.
I'm no different to anyone here this hasn't come from someone counselling me with, ways to think ,its just happened . I guess it's a pay off for making that choice I thought and was difficult.
Good luck to all.
Thanks to everyone here who is helping constantly this place certainly has made all the difference.
Oh and thanks to some very special people who really have given me that extra help. I hope they know who they are!
Love John.

coraltint

Yes!! I never, ever would've believed someone if they told me in my first few months that I would be happy & relieved about not drinking. It used to bug the shiznit outta me when people in meetings called themselves "grateful" alkies.

.....and here I am. Happy & grateful.

Cleopatra1

me too,,i never in a million yrs thought i would say "nah thanks ,,i dont drink",,,
and it feels FAB to say it and im prouda what ive acheived,,and thanks to sr too,,for it helps to know i have help xxx
x lv cleo xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Threshold

before I decided to get clean and sober, I used to view sobriety as a long life of things I could no longer do. Then it dawned on me (with help of those here) that sobriety is about all the things I give myself the opportunity to do. A freedom. A whole world and life before me.

Sobriety is all about YES, not about "no".

freshstart57

One of the lies that went along with my alcohol addiction was the lie that I was free to drink. I wasn't really free to do anything. I was enslaved, and my life was getting smaller and smaller. I didn't drive after sundown, and the depression and anxiety that went along with my drinking were placing tighter restrictions on my actions and even my thoughts. There were so many things I no longer did because they were interfering with my drinking, and I stopped wishing and hoping and expecting good things too.

There really was a huge sense of relief when I finally understood that I never had to drink again, that I will never go back to that dark place in my life, and that I am finally free. For good.

Hevyn

Absolutely, John - it does settle down - I wish everyone could wait for the calmness to kick in. You put it very well. I drank all my life and never dreamed I'd be ok without having it to turn to. I can't believe I was so panicky about what I'd be missing out on. I agree - we are breaking free, not being deprived of anything.

Thanks for those good & helpful thoughts - and congratulations on your sober time.

bigsombrero

Similar to others here, I also found the word "NEVER" to be a scary, negative word. I wouldn't even dare look ahead more than 24 hours in advance. It seemed so daunting, so FINAL, like death or something. Rational reasoning, support, and time have helped me realize, just like you, that this will just happen naturally. We don't always have a huge "AH-HA!" moment that makes everything better, but rather a series of small "ah-ha" moments that bond together for a successful recovery.

Tammy47

Thanks Spinach and all for sharing this. I'm only on day 10 and what makes me want to relapse sometimes is the thought, that I cannot live the rest of my life with this daily craving, that its not worth it, I may as well drink! (AV). Reading your posts gives me hope that the major craving does subside, in time. Knowing that, gives me the strength to remain free from drinking. I can work on getting through the moment of the craving (but am put off that I have to continue that for life) until I read your stories, knowing it gets better. Can't wait. Well done to you all for working hard to get through those early major cravings. And continued success.

vegibean

Well said Spinach.

Anna

I'm so glad you're doing well.

Spinach

Anna, thanks . I am so much happier than a year ago.
Love John

Bruno1979

Excellent post,

I've just posted a thread very similar to this.

Thank you,

Bruno.

wpainterw

Yes, it's the same with me. Many, many years have passed since I had a drink and I really don't miss it any more. Don't even think about it. When I have periods of anxiety I check with my doctor and he helps me with that. It turns out that one of my blood pressure pills helps settle me down when things get antsy. I just leave it all up to the doctor and I trust him. I've been going to him for 25 years and he knows me very well.
So the bottom line for me is that alcohol is about the worst possible way to deal with anxiety. It looks like it helps at first, feels that way too, but, given time, it turns out to be just the opposite. Nothing creates anxiety like alcohol!

W.

gratefulkp

I was going to click thanks on each post, but decided to add my $.02. Excellent topic, Spinach. I'm sure it will help a few who pass by. When today is all I've got, never is just for today. or something like that. Keep up the good work, everyone. God bless SR

ArcticSA

Awesome,awesome,awesome read. Rings so true. I used to (a month ago,eek) say "drinking is my RIGHT!"
Sometimes though I'd fantasize that someday I'd quit and I would say the same line over and over again in my head "Oh, I usedto drink."
And it would make me feel all giddy like I won the lottery, then reality would hit me, that I wouldnt be able to quit.
Well here I am, and guess what??
"I USED TO DRINK!!"

Ptcapote

I want to echo the thanks to Spinach and all who posted for the inspiration. Like Tammy, I am also in early recovery (Day 12) and today was very, very hard. The cravings *seemed* to have subsided but today they crept up and bit me in the ass. I had to work late and missed my AA meeting and then ended up turning down two invitations for drinks with colleagues. On the second one I kept thinking, "Screw it, this is never going to go away, I should just go." I wanted a drink so badly I was nearly salivating for it. But I came home instead and jumped on SR and saw this post. Now I feel a lot better and much more hopeful that I will get through this and come out on the other side. Thanks to all and, as Tammy said, continued success.

wpainterw

Think of drinking as slavery, for that's just what it is for an alcoholic. In its later stages its only "benefit" is the possibility that, by drinking, a person can feel "normal" for a little while, until the pain starts to set in again. So you may have to sacrifice your family life, your job, your home, your possessions (yes, your dog!), your peace of mind, your health, your freedom (if you end up in jail), all for the possibility that you might feel "normal" for a little while. Hardly even a "Faustian" bargain. Faust, at least, got money, fame, love, success, all things he thought he wanted, until his appointment to go to hell. Alcohol is just the reverse. It takes everything away and puts you in hell right away if you continue to drink, as you feel you must, all in order to feel "normal", just for a little while....

W.

Tammy47

yea PT, was salivating myself for some wine today. Had to turn over the channel as "Come Dine with Me" was full of juicy looking wine (uck). Lucky those who can enjoy "2" glasses! Hang on in there, I'm with you!

Jeni26

John, you are my hero!xx