steveaz

I'm not sure how this all works. Just in case there's someone out there who doesn't mind hearing me whine, I'm scared. Things haven't been bad up to now. 114 days sober. I've been real busy with work since rehab. I spent today doing stuff around the house. Without warning I got and still have this feeling of dread. I fear that I will drink again. I know it will only take one drink. What the hell is happening to me? Up to a couple of weeks ago I have been going to a couple of AA mtgs per week. Sorry. I have rambled too long.

Dee74

hey steveaz

what really helped me get over that fear to to accept that it was down to me to stay sober or drink - I just had to make sure I kept the cards stacked on the side of not drinking.

If you're scared why not go back and hit a few meetings - make a few connections, get a few numbers to call?

D

steveaz

Thanks Dee. I thought I was through with feelings like this. I don't know if there's anymore relapses left in me.

Dee74

I was scared - like wake up scared at 3am - for maybe 6 months Steve - in a way I think that was good...

I really worked to stay sober - I really really valued my second chance.

I knew I didn't have another relapse in me - still don't.

Caravagio

Steveaz, I have no amazing words of wisdom for you unfortunately except to say that 114 days is fantastic. Maybe fear of losing something that is obviously really important to you is normal. I'm on day 16 and have been fearful for quite a lot of that. Fear of going backwards scares me more than what's to come however. Your honesty is inspiring to me and you know that you don't have to drink cos you're doing it. Present tense. Right now is what it's all about. Be proud of that and keep going x

2granddaughters

Why would you think you were through with feelings like that ??

Did you talk to your sponsor about your fear ? To the oldtimers in the group ?

All the best.

Bob R

artsoul

I don't know if this analogy will help, but 2 weeks ago tomorrow a tornado hit our town hard. It caused a lot of devastation just two blocks from my house. Up to this point, I didn't pay too much attention to tornado warnings. We get them a lot in the south, and I'd gotten complacent over time.

Now, when the winds pick up I get tense and go right to the weather channel on TV. I'll probably react less in time, but I'll never think of storms the same way again. Alcoholism IS scary, so it's pretty normal to get those feelings from time to time. Maybe it's just a reminder that you need to keep your recovery going.....(?)