Here to get my life back
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Cambridgeshire, UK
Posts: 74
Here to get my life back
Hi all,
My name is Richard and I am here to sort my life out.
Alcohol has been destroying my life for some time. Every time I look back to back stuff happening; arguments, job losses, friends becoming distant, relationship breakdowns, it always comes back to the fact that I was drunk or depressed because of drinking.
I have hit rock bottom now, fiancée has thrown me out, living with my mum, very little money and extremely down about everything.
Going to an AA meeting on Monday evening.
Rich
My name is Richard and I am here to sort my life out.
Alcohol has been destroying my life for some time. Every time I look back to back stuff happening; arguments, job losses, friends becoming distant, relationship breakdowns, it always comes back to the fact that I was drunk or depressed because of drinking.
I have hit rock bottom now, fiancée has thrown me out, living with my mum, very little money and extremely down about everything.
Going to an AA meeting on Monday evening.
Rich
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 95
Welcome Richard. The temptation for me has been once I'm sober for a period of time - five years back in 1990s, I think I'm stronger the drug. Remember this time. Get sober and the only way to go is up! Seeing what is done to my mind over time frightens me.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Colorado
Posts: 796
Hello, and going to AA is a great idea. Look for people with long time sobriety and check out the similarities not the differences.
Look at the other new members, too. Eveyone is there for the same reason. I hope you do go, and I hope it works out for you.
Look at the other new members, too. Eveyone is there for the same reason. I hope you do go, and I hope it works out for you.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,531
Glad you joined the family, Richard! You're going to find a lot of help and support here. You're never alone with this.
I'm glad you're realizing what drinking is doing to your life. I was much older, and by that time my life was a trainwreck. I refused to see what you are seeing. You'll be avoiding so much drama and chaos by kicking it out of your life now. Keep talking to us - you can do this.
I'm glad you're realizing what drinking is doing to your life. I was much older, and by that time my life was a trainwreck. I refused to see what you are seeing. You'll be avoiding so much drama and chaos by kicking it out of your life now. Keep talking to us - you can do this.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 429
Hello & welcome. We all have been when your at. & so has everyone you are going to meet at AA.
You've made great steps in admitting you are helpless over alcohol, and you have reached out to others, and admitted it to. And started with a plan.
Heres to a new 24 hours.
Stay Sober, Stay Strong, & keep posting!
You've made great steps in admitting you are helpless over alcohol, and you have reached out to others, and admitted it to. And started with a plan.
Heres to a new 24 hours.
Stay Sober, Stay Strong, & keep posting!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Cambridgeshire, UK
Posts: 74
Let's start from the start. This is most likely going to be quite long.
I watched my father drink most nights of the week as I grew up as he is in the R.A.F his excuse was it was just the way of life. He drank at home a lot, usually a whole 24 bottle crate of Stella. So growing up I seemed to have this view on that is how you drink. Don't stop till its all gone sort of attitude. So by the time I get to 15 I am allowed to go to friends house parties and obviously there was drink available. I found that I could drink more than everyone else and would continue to do so until I could not walk or even see. After I had finished my school exams that same year, I was awarded with a holiday to Greece, given spending money and sent on my way with just a friend. I had my 16th birthday out there so as you can expect, all the spending money was gone by the end of the first week.
When I got home the family had moved back to a different RAF base as my father was posted there. So I left behind my school friends and the college apprenticeship that I had organised to start in the September prior to finishing my GSCEs in may of the same year. 2005.
I got accepted into the college of the area and because my grades were so good in a few of my subjects I was encouraged to take them as further education. Great you all think, things are looking up. I hated it, I fell back into a crowd of friends I had left behind a few years earlier. Became lazy and didn't care about my coursework or anything. So I quit cos all I wanted was money and to learn to drive.
I did nothing but apply and search for work for a few months then I finally landed two jobs in the same week. One was for the local Indian take away and the other was for the supermarket, Morrison's. So all was looking up. I worked 7 days a week from 6am-midnight for a fair few months and saved up a lot of money. During this time, however, any chance I got to spend time with friends I would buy us all booze and I would be the one to end up completely hammered.
I learned to drive in just over a month and had a car bought for me for Christmas. By this point I had left the Indian take away and was working full time for Morrison's. I then took a step in the company that may have been the main cause for my drinking. I started to work nights. I was earning 3times as much as I was on days and I have the day time to do what I wanted. So most mornings I'd buy a crate of expensive cider as a 'treat' and down the lot. At 8 in the morning. This went join for a few months until I was so tired at work I was falling asleep at work, calling in sick 3-4 times a week started to lose money and got loads of warnings for it. It was around the point when I fell asleep at the wheel of my car and had a minor accident. It was a wake up call of sorts. I completed the most busy time of year, Christmas, and then handed my notice in at the beginning of January when I found out that I was being called in for a meeting to talk about problems and probably be sacked. So I quit with the arrogant thought that I could just walk out and get another job anywhere else. This was the beginning of 2008. At the very beginning of the UK resession.
During the above period my parents had got divorced and I was uncertain on where I was going to live, so more drink.
I carried on drinking with my last 4figure pay out and didn't pay any bills for my car loan, credit cards nothing. I met up with friends on occasions and we drank till I was truly gone. I then, got into my car and drove home. So ashamed for admitting that.
About April time 2008 my girlfriend at the time had had enough and broke up with me. We agreed to meet at the local college so I could get my stuff from her car, I left mine parked up on the side of the road, with no tax, no MOT, no insurance. It got spotted by the police and immediately clamped. At this point all my money was gone on drink. I had to call the finance company and told them they needed to recover the car and have it repossessed. So now I was all alone, no car, no job nothing. I had to go and live with my mum.
I then had a few weeks of no drinking and felt good, found another job and things were improving. I went out with a work friend one night to the local night club and met all her friends. There I met the love of my life. I will always remember the first time our eyes met. And the way she gave me her number and made me promise to text or call the following day. Of course, I did. And there began a relationship I have now destroyed.
I had been training to join the Royal Marines. So this was part of the reason we clicked and she found me so attractive because I had my life in order and had a future career. I passed all my tests and got to the Potential Royal Marines Commando course stage. I felt this was something to celebrate. I bought wine and a bottle of southern comfort. Downed the lot. Smashed my bedroom up in rage over the mess I had made with the previous job. So, at 2 or 3 in the morning as I was out on the street I called 'My Love' and shouted at her asking her why she wasn't here with me (she had gone to university a few weeks before but we were still seeing each other regularly).
I then confessed to being totally and utterly in love with her and asked/demanded she pick me up and take me to her uni place. She found me passed out in a car park around a mile or so away from my mums house. I stayed with her for a while until Christmas came. All the while drinking and going out with her and her uni friends with her paying for the lot. We had a few arguments, some which got a little violent but ultimately everything was amazing while I wasn't drinking.
Over the Christmas period she obviously wanted to go to her parents for it and I reluctantly went back to my mums to patch things up.
Me and 'My Love' had booked a small weekend break in the January and went along to a small romantically set cottage in the countryside. And guess what, I ruined that by getting drunk and saying horrible stuff and most nights she cried and I drank.
Dispite all of this, the day times were great and we had a lot of fun (if you know what I mean).
The holiday was over and we went back to her uni place and I had practical my moved in. Then in the February she said I should go home to get things ready for my Royal marines course. So I did about 2 days before. I went down to the training camp and successfully completed the course and was offered a place to the 32week basic training.
I turned it down because all I wanted to do is be with her. A few weeks after she mentioned that she didn't want to go back to her parents for the summer and said we should get a house together and live together. So we did, both got jobs and worked through the summer with minimal drinking on my part. Then when her university course started again we struggled for money due to my drinking and had huge arguments over everything. One night we were so loud that the neighbours called the police. I was taken away and spent a night in a cell. The following morning the duty Sargent said that she was outside waiting to pick me up. She took me back.
Things improved for a while and I said I wouldn't drink anymore, until the thought of 'well, one with dinner won't hurt' turned into me coming home every evening with drink.
We had outgrown the house at this point and decided to move somewhere bigger in an attempt to have some space to ourselves while at home. This resulted in more drinking on my part.
In April 2012 she finished her course and one morning while I was still passed out from drink, left. It broke my heart. She came back a few times for a few nights. But eventually I pushed her away so much she broke all contact. I tried to kill myself on more than one occasion. Eventually, I was being evicted from my house because of not paying the rent and waking up one morning in hospital with cuts and blood all over me I decided things had to change.
I found a nice couple who were renting there spare room out and moved in with them at the beginning of September. All was well and I only had a few drinks in the time I was there. Me and 'My Love' had been talking and she could see that I was improving and getting better, had a much more positive out look on life. On the 10th of October we met up and stayed in a hotel at a mutual distance from each other and everything was amazing. We did this several times, when ever we had free time to do so.
In the November of 2012 we decided to move back in with each other. We found a house share and decided on moving in on the 4th of December 2012. I had promised to not drinking at all. Then we decided the 'just the one' would be OK now and then.
Slowly but surely I spiraled in to self loathing, feeling **** about myself and once again, drinking. The booze became regular and once again we did nothing as a couple. I stopped helping out the housemates and become very snappy, very cold and distant and wouldn't even go to bed with her to cuddle. I'd get into bed after she was asleep and just be cold and miserable.
The tears are flowing now so sorry for anything that doesn't make sense.
I forgot who I was. Again. Cos of drink.
And again, came the mistake. The nail in the coffin.
We were asked to go to the cinema with some friends, I didn't want to go. I didn't want to leave the room. I was miserable and felt sorry for myself. Again. I wanted her to stay with me and for her to be as miserable as I was.
So she went out anyway, as she has every right to do so. I got drunk. Very drunk. And that resulted in calling the house mates c**ts. That was Monday night of this week. I was thrown out of the house and now she says it is over and I have to arrange getting my stuff out.
So here we are, I have truly messed everything up. Because of that poison that most people enjoy and enhance the good times they are already having.
I've lost everything. And I need to do something about this.
Thanks for reading (if you didn't get bored you won't be reading this bit lol)
Rich
I watched my father drink most nights of the week as I grew up as he is in the R.A.F his excuse was it was just the way of life. He drank at home a lot, usually a whole 24 bottle crate of Stella. So growing up I seemed to have this view on that is how you drink. Don't stop till its all gone sort of attitude. So by the time I get to 15 I am allowed to go to friends house parties and obviously there was drink available. I found that I could drink more than everyone else and would continue to do so until I could not walk or even see. After I had finished my school exams that same year, I was awarded with a holiday to Greece, given spending money and sent on my way with just a friend. I had my 16th birthday out there so as you can expect, all the spending money was gone by the end of the first week.
When I got home the family had moved back to a different RAF base as my father was posted there. So I left behind my school friends and the college apprenticeship that I had organised to start in the September prior to finishing my GSCEs in may of the same year. 2005.
I got accepted into the college of the area and because my grades were so good in a few of my subjects I was encouraged to take them as further education. Great you all think, things are looking up. I hated it, I fell back into a crowd of friends I had left behind a few years earlier. Became lazy and didn't care about my coursework or anything. So I quit cos all I wanted was money and to learn to drive.
I did nothing but apply and search for work for a few months then I finally landed two jobs in the same week. One was for the local Indian take away and the other was for the supermarket, Morrison's. So all was looking up. I worked 7 days a week from 6am-midnight for a fair few months and saved up a lot of money. During this time, however, any chance I got to spend time with friends I would buy us all booze and I would be the one to end up completely hammered.
I learned to drive in just over a month and had a car bought for me for Christmas. By this point I had left the Indian take away and was working full time for Morrison's. I then took a step in the company that may have been the main cause for my drinking. I started to work nights. I was earning 3times as much as I was on days and I have the day time to do what I wanted. So most mornings I'd buy a crate of expensive cider as a 'treat' and down the lot. At 8 in the morning. This went join for a few months until I was so tired at work I was falling asleep at work, calling in sick 3-4 times a week started to lose money and got loads of warnings for it. It was around the point when I fell asleep at the wheel of my car and had a minor accident. It was a wake up call of sorts. I completed the most busy time of year, Christmas, and then handed my notice in at the beginning of January when I found out that I was being called in for a meeting to talk about problems and probably be sacked. So I quit with the arrogant thought that I could just walk out and get another job anywhere else. This was the beginning of 2008. At the very beginning of the UK resession.
During the above period my parents had got divorced and I was uncertain on where I was going to live, so more drink.
I carried on drinking with my last 4figure pay out and didn't pay any bills for my car loan, credit cards nothing. I met up with friends on occasions and we drank till I was truly gone. I then, got into my car and drove home. So ashamed for admitting that.
About April time 2008 my girlfriend at the time had had enough and broke up with me. We agreed to meet at the local college so I could get my stuff from her car, I left mine parked up on the side of the road, with no tax, no MOT, no insurance. It got spotted by the police and immediately clamped. At this point all my money was gone on drink. I had to call the finance company and told them they needed to recover the car and have it repossessed. So now I was all alone, no car, no job nothing. I had to go and live with my mum.
I then had a few weeks of no drinking and felt good, found another job and things were improving. I went out with a work friend one night to the local night club and met all her friends. There I met the love of my life. I will always remember the first time our eyes met. And the way she gave me her number and made me promise to text or call the following day. Of course, I did. And there began a relationship I have now destroyed.
I had been training to join the Royal Marines. So this was part of the reason we clicked and she found me so attractive because I had my life in order and had a future career. I passed all my tests and got to the Potential Royal Marines Commando course stage. I felt this was something to celebrate. I bought wine and a bottle of southern comfort. Downed the lot. Smashed my bedroom up in rage over the mess I had made with the previous job. So, at 2 or 3 in the morning as I was out on the street I called 'My Love' and shouted at her asking her why she wasn't here with me (she had gone to university a few weeks before but we were still seeing each other regularly).
I then confessed to being totally and utterly in love with her and asked/demanded she pick me up and take me to her uni place. She found me passed out in a car park around a mile or so away from my mums house. I stayed with her for a while until Christmas came. All the while drinking and going out with her and her uni friends with her paying for the lot. We had a few arguments, some which got a little violent but ultimately everything was amazing while I wasn't drinking.
Over the Christmas period she obviously wanted to go to her parents for it and I reluctantly went back to my mums to patch things up.
Me and 'My Love' had booked a small weekend break in the January and went along to a small romantically set cottage in the countryside. And guess what, I ruined that by getting drunk and saying horrible stuff and most nights she cried and I drank.
Dispite all of this, the day times were great and we had a lot of fun (if you know what I mean).
The holiday was over and we went back to her uni place and I had practical my moved in. Then in the February she said I should go home to get things ready for my Royal marines course. So I did about 2 days before. I went down to the training camp and successfully completed the course and was offered a place to the 32week basic training.
I turned it down because all I wanted to do is be with her. A few weeks after she mentioned that she didn't want to go back to her parents for the summer and said we should get a house together and live together. So we did, both got jobs and worked through the summer with minimal drinking on my part. Then when her university course started again we struggled for money due to my drinking and had huge arguments over everything. One night we were so loud that the neighbours called the police. I was taken away and spent a night in a cell. The following morning the duty Sargent said that she was outside waiting to pick me up. She took me back.
Things improved for a while and I said I wouldn't drink anymore, until the thought of 'well, one with dinner won't hurt' turned into me coming home every evening with drink.
We had outgrown the house at this point and decided to move somewhere bigger in an attempt to have some space to ourselves while at home. This resulted in more drinking on my part.
In April 2012 she finished her course and one morning while I was still passed out from drink, left. It broke my heart. She came back a few times for a few nights. But eventually I pushed her away so much she broke all contact. I tried to kill myself on more than one occasion. Eventually, I was being evicted from my house because of not paying the rent and waking up one morning in hospital with cuts and blood all over me I decided things had to change.
I found a nice couple who were renting there spare room out and moved in with them at the beginning of September. All was well and I only had a few drinks in the time I was there. Me and 'My Love' had been talking and she could see that I was improving and getting better, had a much more positive out look on life. On the 10th of October we met up and stayed in a hotel at a mutual distance from each other and everything was amazing. We did this several times, when ever we had free time to do so.
In the November of 2012 we decided to move back in with each other. We found a house share and decided on moving in on the 4th of December 2012. I had promised to not drinking at all. Then we decided the 'just the one' would be OK now and then.
Slowly but surely I spiraled in to self loathing, feeling **** about myself and once again, drinking. The booze became regular and once again we did nothing as a couple. I stopped helping out the housemates and become very snappy, very cold and distant and wouldn't even go to bed with her to cuddle. I'd get into bed after she was asleep and just be cold and miserable.
The tears are flowing now so sorry for anything that doesn't make sense.
I forgot who I was. Again. Cos of drink.
And again, came the mistake. The nail in the coffin.
We were asked to go to the cinema with some friends, I didn't want to go. I didn't want to leave the room. I was miserable and felt sorry for myself. Again. I wanted her to stay with me and for her to be as miserable as I was.
So she went out anyway, as she has every right to do so. I got drunk. Very drunk. And that resulted in calling the house mates c**ts. That was Monday night of this week. I was thrown out of the house and now she says it is over and I have to arrange getting my stuff out.
So here we are, I have truly messed everything up. Because of that poison that most people enjoy and enhance the good times they are already having.
I've lost everything. And I need to do something about this.
Thanks for reading (if you didn't get bored you won't be reading this bit lol)
Rich
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Toronto
Posts: 3,195
Hi Rich,
Your story sounds very familiar. I also went down a self-destructive path that resulted in losing my girlfriend of 5 years, my career, and housing. I had to move back to my parents' house as a broke, unemployed drunk. I saw the writing on the wall for a long time, but continued to drink until I had completely hit rock-bottom. I only got help when I had no other choice. I had zero money to buy booze so I sobered up simply because I couldn't get it. I went to rehab last year and since then I have gotten a new job and an apartment of my own. I have had one relapse in this time, but have been sober otherwise. My life with alcohol was a failed experiment so i am giving it a go without it and I can see hope for my future. I often think of the metaphor about the phoenix rising from the ashes to remind myself that I have much life left to live.
Your story sounds very familiar. I also went down a self-destructive path that resulted in losing my girlfriend of 5 years, my career, and housing. I had to move back to my parents' house as a broke, unemployed drunk. I saw the writing on the wall for a long time, but continued to drink until I had completely hit rock-bottom. I only got help when I had no other choice. I had zero money to buy booze so I sobered up simply because I couldn't get it. I went to rehab last year and since then I have gotten a new job and an apartment of my own. I have had one relapse in this time, but have been sober otherwise. My life with alcohol was a failed experiment so i am giving it a go without it and I can see hope for my future. I often think of the metaphor about the phoenix rising from the ashes to remind myself that I have much life left to live.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Cambridgeshire, UK
Posts: 74
As said in my story, I have had periods of sobriety and I found myself again. I became the out going happy person I am. Once the drink gets hold of you, there is nothing that you can do to stop it. I find that reading other posts on here that its a reoccurring truth that everyone has big plans, things they know they need to do, but lack the strength to do anything.
As I mentioned I found myself just laying in bed till 3-4 in the afternoon and getting up a few minutes before my fiancee got home from work and pretending I'd been busy all day.
I am so disappointed with myself. After making the promise that this wouldn't happen again. I broke that promise. She must be so disappointed with me.
I do however, feel that if I had somewhere of my own, I would still be drinking, but because I am at my mothers, I can't buy it cos I have no where to drink. So I think it might be best that I am here for a while.
Rich
As I mentioned I found myself just laying in bed till 3-4 in the afternoon and getting up a few minutes before my fiancee got home from work and pretending I'd been busy all day.
I am so disappointed with myself. After making the promise that this wouldn't happen again. I broke that promise. She must be so disappointed with me.
I do however, feel that if I had somewhere of my own, I would still be drinking, but because I am at my mothers, I can't buy it cos I have no where to drink. So I think it might be best that I am here for a while.
Rich
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 47
Rich thank you for being so honest - Im actually in a similar situation myself so it's comforting to hear your story - but just because things have been emotional doesn't mean we can't both get through this. Alcohol is a depressed, so as hard as things have been recently they will feel so much worse until the alcohol has left our bodies. And things will be okay, once we can be happy with ourselves things will fall into place - we've not bad people, alcohol is an addiction and a strong one, but it's never too late to beat it! Your story is so heartfelt, and it shows how much you want to change. You can do it, the only tool you need is the willingness to change, and you clearly have it 
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 6,608
Welcome to SR and welcome to a board that will support you in your weakest moments. Just remember to come on here or call a friend from AA before you give in to those weak moments. You will be given a lot of great advice and support here. Really is a family of like minded people. A very special place which you were guided to.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Cambridgeshire, UK
Posts: 74
Originally Posted by Lavender520 
Rich thank you for being so honest - Im actually in a similar situation myself so it's comforting to hear your story - but just because things have been emotional doesn't mean we can't both get through this. Alcohol is a depressed, so as hard as things have been recently they will feel so much worse until the alcohol has left our bodies. And things will be okay, once we can be happy with ourselves things will fall into place - we've not bad people, alcohol is an addiction and a strong one, but it's never too late to beat it! Your story is so heartfelt, and it shows how much you want to change. You can do it, the only tool you need is the willingness to change, and you clearly have it
Everything I love is gone. The only thing left is my car and my freedom. In many respects those are great things to have. But they have a nagging, empty feeling to them. Part of the emptiness is because 'My Love' (don't want to say her name) is not with me. Cos I tipped her over the edge and she had had enough.
I know I will come out of this as a better person. But my God do I want to come out of it to be with her. There really is nothing I wouldn't give to be beside her right now.
I know I have broken her heart and destroyed the trust we had built up over the past 5months.
I want to change, but it sounds so **** when you say it out loud. People just look at you and say that you can't change. You're dealt a hand of cards and that's it.
I know there are some of the me member and others around the world that are in a much worse situation than me and my only wish is that they all great help and kick this illness to the kerb.
I also wish that this site didn't exist. Because if it didn't, the issue of alcoholism wouldn't either.
Rich
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Cambridgeshire, UK
Posts: 74
Originally Posted by Horselover
Welcome to SR and welcome to a board that will support you in your weakest moments. Just remember to come on here or call a friend from AA before you give in to those weak moments. You will be given a lot of great advice and support here. Really is a family of like minded people. A very special place which you were guided to.
My last drink was last night at around 8.30 pm. Just two cans of Strongbow with a friend and then I thought, wait, I have a 2 hour drive to get home. Plus I am meant to be stopping this stuff. So I will say that I have successfully completed my first 24 hours :-)
Rich
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,531
Rich - Your story wasn't the least bit boring. Sadly, much of it is very familiar. It was the "Just One" way of thinking that destroyed half my life. I have no idea why I was so determined to hold on to it. It had stolen my spirit and taken everything good from me.
I hope you feel some relief for telling your story here. I felt so much better when the truth was out and I had people who understood without judging me. You can beat this thing and begin to heal from all you've been through. You haven't lost your soul.
I hope you feel some relief for telling your story here. I felt so much better when the truth was out and I had people who understood without judging me. You can beat this thing and begin to heal from all you've been through. You haven't lost your soul.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Cambridgeshire, UK
Posts: 74
Originally Posted by Hevyn
Rich - Your story wasn't the least bit boring. Sadly, much of it is very familiar. It was the "Just One" way of thinking that destroyed half my life. I have no idea why I was so determined to hold on to it. It had stolen my spirit and taken everything good from me.
I hope you feel some relief for telling your story here. I felt so much better when the truth was out and I had people who understood without judging me. You can beat this thing and begin to heal from all you've been through. You haven't lost your soul.
I hope you feel some relief for telling your story here. I felt so much better when the truth was out and I had people who understood without judging me. You can beat this thing and begin to heal from all you've been through. You haven't lost your soul.
Yes, I see what you mean about your desire to hold on to it. I felt that I almost enjoyed my misery. Seeking pity and comfort I guessed. And everything I said I would do while drinking I.E 'yeah, I'll sort my finances out tomorrow' 'yeah, I'll find a proper job tomorrow'.
Everything seemed to be, yeah, I'll do it tomorrow. Always tomorrow. Not here and now. The worst one, is being asked to come to bed and just cuddle her. And I couldn't even be bothered to do that. Again I got to the point were I thought that she would just always be there and continue to put up with my ****.
I do feel a bit better for getting it out. I've managed to have a bit of a laugh and giggle with my brother this evening.
But knowing that if I had just kept my stupid drunk mouth shut, I'd still be laying next to her. Being able to look over and see that face. And those beautiful eyes. Be able to touch that perfectly silky smooth skin. Be able to rub my thumb over the tattoo she got of a welsh dragon and my name running under it. And run my hands through her smooth soft hair.
I just keep thinking, 'If Only'.
Heartbreaking to know that its all my fault.
Rich.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,308
Hi Rich,
not boring at all. You know the problem, you can or drink at all. I know I can't drink at all and since stopping over 21 months ago, things have improved no end.
Now you need to find the solution. My solution is reading and posting on SR and following the AA 12 step program. That's my solution, I hope you find yours.
Keep reading and posting you can get it all back.
All the best
Caihong
not boring at all. You know the problem, you can or drink at all. I know I can't drink at all and since stopping over 21 months ago, things have improved no end.
Now you need to find the solution. My solution is reading and posting on SR and following the AA 12 step program. That's my solution, I hope you find yours.
Keep reading and posting you can get it all back.
All the best
Caihong
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Cambridgeshire, UK
Posts: 74
Originally Posted by jazzfish
You may want to ask Alcohol about that freedom thing.
Rich
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 414
A wise person once told me, you don't hit bottom until you stop digging.
My situation is quite similar. The "I can still have just one or two" mentality kept the shovel in my hands for far too long. I lost a good career, my home, and my fiance of 8 years. I too would give anything just to hold her in my arms, but I blew it. And for what? Now I've come to realize if I ever drink again, that hole will likely be "six feet under."
It took being beaten over the head with consequences for me to succumb to the first step of A.A. "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable."
You will find a lot of support here and in the rooms of A.A. if you are ready. Best of luck!
Are you done digging, Rich?
My situation is quite similar. The "I can still have just one or two" mentality kept the shovel in my hands for far too long. I lost a good career, my home, and my fiance of 8 years. I too would give anything just to hold her in my arms, but I blew it. And for what? Now I've come to realize if I ever drink again, that hole will likely be "six feet under."
It took being beaten over the head with consequences for me to succumb to the first step of A.A. "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable."
You will find a lot of support here and in the rooms of A.A. if you are ready. Best of luck!
Are you done digging, Rich?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Cambridgeshire, UK
Posts: 74
Originally Posted by CaiHong
Hi Rich,
not boring at all. You know the problem, you can or drink at all. I know I can't drink at all and since stopping over 21 months ago, things have improved no end.
All the best
Caihong
not boring at all. You know the problem, you can or drink at all. I know I can't drink at all and since stopping over 21 months ago, things have improved no end.
All the best
Caihong
Rich
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