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Im new here...

Old 02-23-2013, 01:18 AM
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Question Im new here...

Hi, im new here. Im not really sure if this is what i want to be doing. I think that i have a problem with drinking but i dont know if i really want to do anything about it, but then why am i here right? I drink over a bottle of wine nearly every night. A bit less in the summer maybe and its been for a least 2 years now. I never get hungover, never shake, never drink in the day, but the idea of stopping drinking makes me nervous. My family is worried, but i always make a joke of it and then change the subject. I dont want to be "the alcoholic one" I keep telling myself that i am not an alcoholic, i can stop whenever i want, but i cant. So i am here, i just need to workout why. I think i need someone to actually tell me if i do have a problem and how i can fix it myself, i dont want to go to groups i dont want to tell my family, i just want to not have a problem.
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Old 02-23-2013, 01:25 AM
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I can't tell you if you have a problem but I drank exactly like you and I could have written that myself 4 months ago. My family were worried. I had a particularly bad fortnight and decided to quit for 100 days and see if my life improved. With the help of SR (and a few AA meetings - I no longer go) my life has improved beyond recognition.

I cannot remember the last time I had that panic / dreadful sinking feeling in the morning.

I don't think anyone who didn't think alcohol was causing problems in their life would search out a sober recovery forum. I joined here months before I was ready to go through with it, but I'm so grateful I found this place.

S x
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Old 02-23-2013, 01:27 AM
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You found yourself here, thats a clue!,
Don't worry about a name first of all try some sober time and work things through.
Make a plan and keep dropping in here .
Good luck.
John
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Old 02-23-2013, 02:03 AM
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If you are concerned about the level of your drinking, then you've arrived at a good place. Like Sazzle, there is a time in my life when I could have written your post. Have a read around the forums and see if you discover any truths about yourself and your motivations for drinking as you do.
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Old 02-23-2013, 02:12 AM
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Hi ya redrosie...I'm new here too,and was a beer drinker mainly...
But from my experiences drinking made me feel/act negatively(to put it mildly)
Its down to whether drinking a glass/bottle/case of beer is interfering with your life and is it leaving feeling kinda uneasy inside your head....
Have a think about it.....and also again read through some of the articles on here they will help
Good luck
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Old 02-23-2013, 02:16 AM
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Welcome Rosie

I too queried if I had a problem, could easily drink a bottle and half of wine and felt fine all the time, then it gradually starts to get more and more to get the same feeling and before I knew it I was staggering and slurring on nights out and blacking out in bed by 8.30pm at home. I'm only 14 days sober and starting to feel 'real' again, I too skirted around SR for some time, and have found loads of useful info and lovely people's stories and just knowing I'm not on my own and everyone understands is a HUGE help, I'm sure you'll continue on your own quest, only you can answer your questions, but recognising it and that it may be starting problems is the first step so well done for that and joining SR
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Old 02-23-2013, 02:42 AM
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Welcome, Rosie.

Your drinking is not a problem...for me. But that's not really the test, is it? Is your drinking a problem for you? Only you can answer that.

My drinking was a problem for me. Or, rather, the side effects were a problem. You mentioned having a couple of the same side effects that I found problematic; people who love me were worried, and not being able to stop whenever I wanted.

I want to not have a drinking problem. If wishing it away worked this forum would be a pretty dull place. However, it's a vibrant, exciting place because so many of us with drinking problems can rally together for support and find our individual path to sobriety.
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Old 02-23-2013, 02:43 AM
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Thanks for the welcome guys.

So what do I do now?Make a plan...?
Well, this was my plan. Now what? I dont have the faintest idea what to do next.
I dont even know what im doing here, i dont know what to say. If i could make a plan about this whole thing then i wouldnt be on here!
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Old 02-23-2013, 03:08 AM
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Make a plan a small one...your doing it already being on here
Keep posting and reading
It does help.......I know you don't want to go to meetings for now but they're are numbers you could ring for a chat??
I'm in Ireland so I don't what numbers you have available but someone on here post some for you if you ask around
Once again good luck
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Old 02-23-2013, 03:21 AM
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Originally Posted by redrosie View Post
So what do I do now?Make a plan...?
Well, this was my plan. Now what? I dont have the faintest idea what to do next.
I dont even know what im doing here, i dont know what to say. If i could make a plan about this whole thing then i wouldnt be on here!
Unfortunately, you can't stop at the 'Sober R Us' drive-thru and pick up a
generic plan that will work for you. There are many paths to sober living. Not all of them work for everybody. It took me decades to find one I feel truly comfortable with. (Granted, I spent a lot of my time drinking instead of looking, but that's another story!) Finding the 'plan' that will work for you will take effort from you.

These forums (fora?) aggregate a tremendous wealth of information on treating addiction. Read around at the various forums. Secular, Non-secular, 12-step, Non 12-step... Ask questions in those forums (debating the merits of different methods is discouraged in the newcomer forum). People will answer. You need information to make your plan. Go get it!

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Old 02-23-2013, 03:23 AM
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I dont know how to not drink tonight, and trying to think of it is horrible. Its the same everyday, dinner and a glass of wine. Then sit down on the sofa with the rest of the bottle while watching a film or reading a book,then maybe open another bottle. Its just what I do. Everyday. Its just so relaxing.I dont even like feeling drunk, I hate it if I go to bed and have the whole room sliding sideways. I just love the taste and I cant just have the one glass, once I have tasted it thats it, I just keep going.

So how do you stop? How do you not do the thing that you look forward to most all day long? How did you all stop that first day?
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Old 02-23-2013, 03:38 AM
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Why not change your usual routine - go out to the Cinema instead of staying in drinking on the couch ... My usual routine this weekend is to go out tonight to my 'dance' night, starting with the wine at home 'just to get me in the mood' then carry on in-between dancing till wobbly and slurry, but tonight will be different I'm determined to try it. Maybe try to break your patterns, or if you're drinking every day just plan 1 or 2 days a week when you don't drink, as a test and see how you feel (fantastic) the next day. I just take one hour/day at a time and focus on the good feelings of 2 weeks lookin and feelin good.

Take care x
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Old 02-23-2013, 03:41 AM
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NOT drinking is actually quite easy - you just don't pour a glass and lift it to the lips.

Dealing with that voice in my head that is continuously telling me I need a drink, I deserve a drink, I can't feel good without a drink, etc. is another story ENTIRELY! That can be quite difficult.

That voice doesn't care if I lose my job, my family, my health, my sanity or my life. He just wants a drink and he is relentless in his pursuit if that.

He's like a 2-year-old who has discovered candy and doesn't understand why he can't have more. He begs, whines, pleads, rationalizes, negotiates, pouts, threatens, insults and throws tantrums. All the things a 2-year-old does when they have NO ACTUAL POWER. The voice has no power. He can't pour me a drink. Only I can do that. I tell it "no".

It doesn't like to be told, "no". It tells me I can't feel good unless I drink. It lies.

I can't shut that voice off. I would if I could. I can't. I have to hear it. But I don't have to listen to it. It lies. I don't listen to the advice of liars any longer. It's powerless. Treating it as such feels really good. .
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Old 02-23-2013, 03:47 AM
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You only have to not drink today. You can make another decision tomorrow. Go entertain yourself at an AA meeting-they are better than most books.

I say that because I went for 6 years while still drinking, never said a word but it helped. I even drank before I went.

One day. Just today.
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Old 02-23-2013, 04:00 AM
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I had to learn how not to drink in rehab
22 yrs ago when my family stepped in
and intervened on me and getting me help
I so needed at that time in my life.

Rehab for me was a safe haven and a
controlled inviroment to help me learn
about my alcoholism and feed me knowledge
and give me proper tools to use in my
recovery for each day I stayed sober.

We all have to begin with the first step
by admitting we have a problem with
drinking or drugs. Now, what do we do
after admitting that statement to ourselves.

There are many suggestions offered from
many members who have learned how to
not drink a day at a time that has been
extremely helpful in staying sober a day
at a time.

While i was in rehab for 28 days, my spouse
upon suggestions from councilors was to
remove all things in our house that has to
do with alcohol. All bottles empty or full,
souviniers glasses or bottles, all to be removed
before i returned home so there wouldnt be
any temptation to pick up in those early days
of recovery.

I conitued on with my recovery upon release
with a 6 week aftercare outpatiant program
learning more about ways to stay sober and
live life without alcohol. Each day I filled my
brain with knowledge of my alcoholism the
longer i remained sober.

What so awesome about learning to stay
sober is that I never had to do this on my
own and so can you.
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Old 02-23-2013, 04:20 AM
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Redrosie, Welcome and thank you for speaking up and starting this awesome thread!

This thread, I think, will be a great help to you and I promise you it is a life saver for numerous people out there reading, who may not even yet have joined SR but are asking the same question you are. The same question everyone here asked themselves at some point. And the same feeling...I just don't want to have a problem.

I echo everything that has been shared. Solid stuff. But I do have one more thought to share that comes from my own experience, with my recovery and with SR (this forum).

You say you don't know how to not have a drink. I understand. You will figure that out, maybe by the time I type this you already will have. But even if you don't stop drinking this minute, today, or for a little while keep coming here, reading, sharing, etc.

My recovery began before I stopped drinking and using, and SR was a big part of that. It helped me sort out what was going on in me, get support and find the will and confidence to stop. I didn't have that when I first came here.

Many of us here started coming here while we were still drinking. Many of us even posted drunk, if that was where we were. While of course we encourage and support sobriety 100%, no one is shamed, turned away or thought less than if they have not yet gotten to that point. We all know that place and we journey together that we might all find freedom from it.

Essentially, you belong here, no matter what point in your recovery you are, and that includes the very early stage when we ask ourselves if we even have a problem at all. You belong.

So glad you found us.
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Old 02-23-2013, 06:42 AM
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Ok. Bugger it. I will try tonight.Its 15:40 now... so two hours 10mins til normal drinking time. I guess I will have a lemonade. yum.
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Old 02-23-2013, 06:48 AM
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Welcome to the forums,

The best person to tell you that you have a problem is yourself. Once you have admitted that you have a problem you can begin to solve it. You'll find that not many people will come out and tell you that you're an alcoholic, even if they know you are. Acceptance is the key to success. You can't really make any positive steps if you're shrouded in denial. Unfortunately denial is a pretty prominent aspect in alcoholism and addiction. I hope you find whatever it is you're looking for and start the journey of recovery.

Natom.
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Old 02-23-2013, 07:00 AM
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one hour at a time, don't drink.

maybe find a book or hobby you haven't done in a while instead of sitting where you normally sit.

Rational Recovery
AVRT
SMART
Women for Sobriety
Life Ring
Alcoholics Anonymous
Power to Quit

All have their own websites, maybe read a bit and see if you can relate to anything.

Drinking only gets worse and progresses if we continue to drink. You are lucky to stop now!

Staying stopped can be done! You are so worth it!!

hugs & love,
~SB
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Old 02-23-2013, 07:35 AM
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Welcome to SR redrosie! So glad you found us.

I can relate to your situation. I was strictly an at-home drinker. When I stopped drinking I needed to learn how to be in my own home without drinking.

I won't lie - it wasn't easy. I had to adjust my routine for awhile. I went to alot of AA meetings, went to the library, went window shopping. I did anything and everything I could to make sure I didn't just sit around home and dwell on drinking.

It was uncomfortable for a bit but it did pass. Give it a try.
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