Originally Posted by jazzfish

MLC, bottom is simply accepting that you can't control your drinking, ever. It is not a series of really bad events. I had lots of bad things happen, but none of them ever forced or motivated me to change. What helped me to change was just understanding at the deepest level that I am an alcoholic and nothing is going to change it. I can wish it, hope it, plan it, pray it, work it, or whatever, but I will always be an alcoholic and cannot control my drinking...once I pick up the first one. That is the only place I have some power, that initial choice to pick up the first one.

Originally Posted by Quinne

MLC, Directline is a service that is manned 24/7 by trained drug and alcohol professionals, their number is 1800 888 236. They will be able to suggest services for detox and/or rehab in your area. Maybe having verbal contact will take things a step further and help in reaching out.

What would it mean to you to give yourself a chance to be happy?

You deserve this, just as we all do-even if there are times where we (I) don't believe it.

Xx

Originally Posted by firstweek

You are not stupid just human! Dont give up

Originally Posted by Midlifecrisis

Thanks. Yeah. I guess It's like I want to get so bad that it's taken out of may hands, so I don't have to make the choice. Insanity...

Originally Posted by Threshold

MLC,

your posts send chills down my spine because our stories are so similar. I am a bit further down the line...the BETTER line...recovery. But I recall being exactly where you are, it wasn't long ago.

I remember wanting someone to save me. Wanting it to get bad enough that others saw I needed help, but I still wasn't really the bad guy because I was sick, that they would bring me someplace safe and sort me out.

There is help to sort ourselves out, and my friend, you need it, deserve it, and it will save your life. You don't have to wait for someone else to save you, or prove anything by taking any further risks with your well being.

You've already started by joining us here, take the next step and get help in real time. It will make a difference. You can do what it takes, no matter how it looks and feels to you right now. I say this because if I could do it, so can you. Our stories are scary parallel.

A couple of weeks ago I was organizing some of my things and came across some photos of myself a few years ago. In any photo I could tell you, simply by my eyes whether or not I was sober. Even though they were simple photos, Two friends or family members, side by side, "look here and smile!". Meaning it didn't even take seeing my behavior or hearing my slurred voice to know if I was drinking, my eyes gave it away in the matter of the fraction of a second it takes to snap a photo. There were some photos of the same time period, in which I was not drunk. A couple drinks in me and I was a totally different person.

It's MORE than OK to get help now, to reach out on your own behalf. You don't have to wait for one more crisis, someone else to take control, or any of that. Saying "I'm scared, don't know what to do" and then being willing to accept the help that was offered was the first breakthrough in my recovery.

No one thought less of me for doing so, they were glad I did. They were overjoyed. Many were proud of me for doing so. Most of all I did myself the biggest favor ever, took care of me and saved my life.

I didn't know what would work and what wouldn't. None of it made sense to me. I had to ask, try, feel. But every day I did (and continue to do) something towards my own recovery, and I made progress. My own determination and desire to get sober, combined with effort on my own behalf, has saved and transformed my life...from the inside.

Every time you post here, I see the seed of true recovery, a determination to get better, behind the fear, behind the anger, behind all those other feelings and situations you share with us, I still sense your determination.

Originally Posted by 2granddaughters

I was beer and Valium for decades.

AA will be there to catch you if you let them.

All the best.

Bob R

Originally Posted by jstar

I pray you put that drink down MLC. I know too well what you are feeling and it's a rough spot to be in. ..but know this, there is hope. I wanted someone to save me, rescue me from the hell I was in. You don't have to prove that you need help, those around us are aware of us needing help usually before we are, but we have to take that first step...admit to ourselves that we need help and can't do it alone and ask for help.
I pray you reach out to someone, please, your life IS worth it.

Hugs

Originally Posted by jazzfish

I was like that for a long, long time. It's one reason I question the impact of those heavily dramatized addiction and intervention shows. The bottom line is that the low point for that happening is jails, insanity and death. I wish there was something magic I could say that would flip the switch for you. The only thing that did it for me was prolonged suffering, suffering until I had suffered enough...

It is a very risky game to play and still, once I'd had enough, it was still up to me to make that decision and act on it. You can do this.