Telling someone they have a drinking problem - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Go Back   SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information >
Register Blogs FAQ Members List Calendar Arcade Mark Forums Read





Reply
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 02-21-2013, 12:49 PM   #1 (permalink)
Member
 
scottydee1946's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 63

Telling someone they have a drinking problem


As a person new to recovery, I don't preach to anyone. But today I sent an email to a friend who is drinking daily and for hours. Here's the email; any thoughts would be appreciated:

The point I was trying to make when we last met - because I care about you - was to say be sure to look after your own health, as well as your friend's.

As we have talked about this before, I cannot meet you anyplace in which alcohol is served. It interferes with my decision to stop drinking and I am concerned about you.

You told me once that drinking was one of the reasons you left ****** When we first met two years ago, you were having one or two glasses of wine. Now it's multiple double vodkas.

I am being blunt. But that's again because I care about you. I am glad I met you and I consider you a dear friend. But I am terribly worried about your health and happiness.
__________________
Sober since March 4, 2013

"Stagger on, rejoicing" - W H Auden
scottydee1946 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-21-2013, 12:55 PM   #2 (permalink)
Forum Leader
 
ScottFromWI's Avatar
 

Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 15,931
The first half certainly makes sense and seems perfectly reasonalble in regards to you not wanting to meet anyplace alcohol is served.

Regarding the second half, you know firsthand that only the drinker can make the decision to quit. And the alcoholic mind doesn't think rationally when it comes to drinking. So while what you wrote seems reasonable and caring, don't be surprised at all if your friend doesn't take the advice. Also don't be surprised if he/she views it negatively and responds accordingly.
ScottFromWI is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to ScottFromWI For This Useful Post:
Pixienottipsy (02-21-2013), scottydee1946 (02-21-2013)
Old 02-21-2013, 01:15 PM   #3 (permalink)
Member
 
Sazzle's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: London
Posts: 1,010
As someone detached from the situation it reads absolutely fine to me. It's not preachy at all and sounds very caring. As you know know they need to make the decision to quit for themselves and I remember being quite defensive when people talked about alcoholics, not even directed at me, but just in general. They may not respond positively.

I have a friend who I'm terribly worried about but I haven't even mentioned it. I'm just getting on with my life and leading by example. It sounds like your friend had an issue with a partner's drinking so perhaps this email will be the message they need to read to start the ball rolling.

I think your friend is lucky to have you in their life.

S x
__________________
Nothing changes if nothing changes
Sazzle is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Sazzle For This Useful Post:
Pixienottipsy (02-21-2013), scottydee1946 (02-21-2013)
Old 02-21-2013, 01:17 PM   #4 (permalink)
Member
 
Muunray's Avatar
 

Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: California
Posts: 498
You never know when the right words will be spoken/written to you that will be the aha moment. It's ok to care!
__________________
“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”
― Dr. Seuss
Muunray is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-21-2013, 01:21 PM   #5 (permalink)
Member
 
AlisonW's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Western New York
Posts: 375
I would just be careful to be aware of your expectations. You have expressed your feelings in a caring way, but it's up to your friend to decide what to do with that information. Don't take it personally if you don't get the result you want.
__________________
"It's wake up time
Time to open up your eyes
And rise and shine"

Alcohol free 01/18/13
Quit smoking 05/25/13
AlisonW is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to AlisonW For This Useful Post:
ClearLight (02-21-2013), Pixienottipsy (02-21-2013), scottydee1946 (02-21-2013)
Old 02-21-2013, 01:30 PM   #6 (permalink)
Member
 
bigsombrero's Avatar
 

Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Central America
Posts: 4,056
Blog Entries: 5
You also gotta remember to look after yourself. That said, for someone who is just 2 months in you sound super-confident. That is encouraging and fantastic that you are on board with your recovery.

I am not even 8 months sober, but I will tell you that a lot has changed for me in that time. You will be surprised how much information your brain will start to soak up. It's great that you're helping your friend but don't forget "#1"!
bigsombrero is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to bigsombrero For This Useful Post:
scottydee1946 (02-21-2013)
Old 02-21-2013, 01:40 PM   #7 (permalink)
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 

Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 178,529
Blog Entries: 1
Hi Scotty

I think it's good you care for your friend, You've told them why you can;t be around bars and you've told them that their behaviour is a concern for you.

Now you have to step away. Don't make someone else's drinking problem your problem - you already have your own problem.

I've seen many people new to recovery get swamped that way
__________________
Dee74 is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Dee74 For This Useful Post:
ClearLight (02-21-2013), hope22 (02-21-2013), Pixienottipsy (02-21-2013), scottydee1946 (02-21-2013)
Old 02-21-2013, 01:41 PM   #8 (permalink)
Administrator
 
Anna's Avatar
 

Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 51,929
It's good to care about your friend, but be very careful of expectations.
__________________
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

Marianne Williamson
Anna is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Anna For This Useful Post:
ClearLight (02-21-2013), Dee74 (02-21-2013), scottydee1946 (02-21-2013)
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools


Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:48 AM.