I need some structure...
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: New York City
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Originally Posted by backbeat 
This post was exactly what I needed to read. I have no self-discipline; I never have, never had it instilled in me as a child and my adult life is basically self-will run riot. For me alcoholism runs far deeper than alcohol; yes I am addicted to the substance, I can't have just one or just five, but I also have no self-discipline. So things fall apart, and I feel bad about myself and my self esteem drops, and I feel overwhelmed and anxious and scared, and people get upset with me, and being a creature of instant gratification - BAM! The bar will fix everything! I'll feel in control, ironically, and I'll feel happy again and get my attention fix and the anxiety is gone and I wallow in that feeling until I pass out and ruin the next few days. Then come back to SR or a meeting with my head down.
Just saying that for me, I've recently learned that self-discipline is so important in preventing myself from heading into the cycle that will make it very easy for me to rationalize the bar/booze.
What's working for me so far is to not get overwhelmed and bite off more than I can chew and fail. I have to make a list of everything I have to do and then break the list down into very manageable bite sized chunks for each day. Ridiculously small. So that I won't fail and most likely might even deliver more to myself than I promised myself and that makes me proud of myself, and I need all I can get of that these days.
Someone just mentioned to me that it's tax time. I freaked inside. My train of thought was automatically "OH MY GOD SWEET JESUS HOW THE HELL AM I GOING TO TAKE CARE OF THIS NOW CHRIST ONE MORE THING OMG I'M NEVER GOING TO GET THIS DONE I'M GOING TO FAIL I'LL LOSE MY HOUSE AND BE HOMELESS AND DIE AAAAAHHHHHHH". Then I took a deep breath, realized this takes one phone call, and put a post-it on my work phone to take care of on my lunch.
Anyway thanks for posting this... I feel like I turned this into all about me, which I did, and I'm sorry but it was just such a great post to read and the timing was perfect because I'm just starting to realize this about myself and deal with it.
Congratulations on your progress and on your hard work. Now I've spent too much time writing this here on SR and I'm at work, so I clearly have a long way to go in the self-discipline department................... ha.
Just saying that for me, I've recently learned that self-discipline is so important in preventing myself from heading into the cycle that will make it very easy for me to rationalize the bar/booze.
What's working for me so far is to not get overwhelmed and bite off more than I can chew and fail. I have to make a list of everything I have to do and then break the list down into very manageable bite sized chunks for each day. Ridiculously small. So that I won't fail and most likely might even deliver more to myself than I promised myself and that makes me proud of myself, and I need all I can get of that these days.
Someone just mentioned to me that it's tax time. I freaked inside. My train of thought was automatically "OH MY GOD SWEET JESUS HOW THE HELL AM I GOING TO TAKE CARE OF THIS NOW CHRIST ONE MORE THING OMG I'M NEVER GOING TO GET THIS DONE I'M GOING TO FAIL I'LL LOSE MY HOUSE AND BE HOMELESS AND DIE AAAAAHHHHHHH". Then I took a deep breath, realized this takes one phone call, and put a post-it on my work phone to take care of on my lunch.
Anyway thanks for posting this... I feel like I turned this into all about me, which I did, and I'm sorry but it was just such a great post to read and the timing was perfect because I'm just starting to realize this about myself and deal with it.
Congratulations on your progress and on your hard work. Now I've spent too much time writing this here on SR and I'm at work, so I clearly have a long way to go in the self-discipline department................... ha.
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Originally Posted by ReadyAtLast
I can relate. I worry I spend too much time on SR when I could/should be doing other things too. SR is great but I need to do other important things too-look after my child/cook clean/shop etc.
I don't think MTN is saying SR is bad or shouldn't be on it a lot. More of a 'let's not be on SR all day and neglect daily life tasks' Well that's my understanding of it and one to which I can wholly relate
I don't think MTN is saying SR is bad or shouldn't be on it a lot. More of a 'let's not be on SR all day and neglect daily life tasks' Well that's my understanding of it and one to which I can wholly relate
I was being literal with my ALL day, ALL night to the detriment of other things.
Feeling like you're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't now. In fact feel somewhat fed up all over again. Pffft
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Originally Posted by ReadyAtLast
Don't be fed up-remember you can't control what others say or do,you can only control your reactions. stay strong and smile
p.s empty your inbox/sent items
p.s empty your inbox/sent items
<<<< smilingand I just did
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Join Date: Dec 2012
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Well, I just reported a post giving all kinds of medical advice for how to get off heroin, and I see it's gone now. Somebody might have read that post, did exactly what it said, and died. Please see a doctor first, folks!
There is a thread on this forum with 250,000 views, most by the same person. And it is great that there is a place where that person can post and feel safe and get help.
By the way, this thread--and that Nat Geo documentary-- has really made me think about my character defects. I need to stop worrying about Step Three so much and get ready to spend a good year or so on Step Four.
There is a thread on this forum with 250,000 views, most by the same person. And it is great that there is a place where that person can post and feel safe and get help.
By the way, this thread--and that Nat Geo documentary-- has really made me think about my character defects. I need to stop worrying about Step Three so much and get ready to spend a good year or so on Step Four.
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build your recovery network
I recommend building up your sober support group and network the same way you have done in the past in the drug dealer world. The more support and the more people you can call or turn to and get to the solution of addiction is the better. I know without my sponsor and my grand sponsor...as well as my 3 active sponcees who i take through the 12 steps i couldn't have a chance at this disease alone!
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Originally Posted by Coldfusion
Well, I just reported a post giving all kinds of medical advice for how to get off heroin, and I see it's gone now. Somebody might have read that post, did exactly what it said, and died. Please see a doctor first, folks!
There is a thread on this forum with 250,000 views, most by the same person. And it is great that there is a place where that person can post and feel safe and get help.
By the way, this thread--and that Nat Geo documentary-- has really made me think about my character defects. I need to stop worrying about Step Three so much and get ready to spend a good year or so on Step Four.
There is a thread on this forum with 250,000 views, most by the same person. And it is great that there is a place where that person can post and feel safe and get help.
By the way, this thread--and that Nat Geo documentary-- has really made me think about my character defects. I need to stop worrying about Step Three so much and get ready to spend a good year or so on Step Four.
How can you tell how many times one person has viewed a thread? That's news to me. Genuine question.
Your last paragraph is personal to you only so I can only wish you all the best.
I'm confused.
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Originally Posted by elhadley
I recommend building up your sober support group and network the same way you have done in the past in the drug dealer world. The more support and the more people you can call or turn to and get to the solution of addiction is the better. I know without my sponsor and my grand sponsor...as well as my 3 active sponcees who i take through the 12 steps i couldn't have a chance at this disease alone!
Where is this coming from?
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Ok.
This thread has just gone mental.
A shame really as it seemed to be so positive to start with and could have been a long run positive thing for a lot of us here just getting our day to day things back on track.
Posting about heroin and drug dealers? I'm lost.
I'm not going to be bullied from my own thread though, so continue to post randomly.
This thread has just gone mental.
A shame really as it seemed to be so positive to start with and could have been a long run positive thing for a lot of us here just getting our day to day things back on track.
Posting about heroin and drug dealers? I'm lost.
I'm not going to be bullied from my own thread though, so continue to post randomly.
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Originally Posted by Coldfusion
There is a thread on this forum with 250,000 views,
Which thread? I looked and didn't see any with even 25K, never mind 250 but I'm curious now.
Originally Posted by MyTimeNow
How can you tell how many times one person has viewed a thread? That's news to me.
MTN it sure did get a little strange. I don't think it's personal though. The internet is confusing sometimes and I suspect a couple of the posts that sound strange are out of confusion, not judgement. I personally become more sensitive when I'm online too much. Do you, too? Take what's good here and leave the rest.
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So anyway.... in spite of my drug baron status (well it was lucrative while it lasted) I'm managing a phonecall and am on hold to Virgin Media to reduce my monthly package. Phone/Internet/TV package that is, not my monthly package of uncut drugs to do whatever with and distribute...
Baby steps
I'm laughing so much too now RAL :rotfxko
Baby steps
I'm laughing so much too now RAL :rotfxko
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MTM, threads do get off on tangents very easily; take time to post what is going on with YOU now and what you see as your problems. What I got from early posts is "procrastination" and how to organize time? I could be wrong, but it is a good topic.
Take back your thread!
Take back your thread!
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Originally Posted by ReadyAtLast
Oh my :rotfxko
Seriously though, I think there may have been some misunderstandings-perhaps some posters think your issues are with drugs. Hope you are ok
Seriously though, I think there may have been some misunderstandings-perhaps some posters think your issues are with drugs. Hope you are ok
I am so going to wet myself when Virgin Media finally answer about my package!!
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I just read this thread for the first time and liked it and the idea of where it was going. And I too became confused at some of the random and bizarre responses MTN. But I personally think you should doing what you intended to do with it. Or do it in blogs instead? I think it's a great idea. And I think some people didn't really read what this thread was about. You take care and let it roll off like water on a duck's back.
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Originally Posted by Pamel
MTM, threads do get off on tangents very easily; take time to post what is going on with YOU now and what you see as your problems. What I got from early posts is "procrastination" and how to organize time? I could be wrong, but it is a good topic.
Take back your thread!
Take back your thread!
Originally Posted by OneLessLonely
I just read this thread for the first time and liked it and the idea of where it was going. And I too became confused at some of the random and bizarre responses MTN. But impersonally think you should doing what you intended to do with it. Or do it in blogs instead? I think it's a great idea. And I think some people didn't really read what this thread was about. You take care and let it roll off like water on a duck's back.
Oh I've had a good laugh about it now
Still am doing so!I won't let it derail what seemed like a great positive idea for a few of us. I did think it would just be me wittering along, but it seems wider than that so I'll keep it here and continue posting. I hope others do too and those that want to can gain something from it.
Nobody need reply if they have issues with trying to be more productive in the daytime and evening. I didn't ask a question, I didn't set up a debate - so shall ignore those that deem it to be a negative thing.
Thank you OneLessLonely
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Originally Posted by Hanna
That's me and MTN, hitting refresh over and over because people aren't posting quickly enough for us. <---Just kidding! :rotfxko
Which thread? I looked and didn't see any with even 25K, never mind 250 but I'm curious now.
Go the main page of any of the forums and it has a count of how many views and how many posts. It's really wonderful that people can come here and read and get help even if they don't want to post.
MTN it sure did get a little strange. I don't think it's personal though. The internet is confusing sometimes and I suspect a couple of the posts that sound strange are out of confusion, not judgement. I personally become more sensitive when I'm online too much. Do you, too? Take what's good here and leave the rest.
Which thread? I looked and didn't see any with even 25K, never mind 250 but I'm curious now.
Go the main page of any of the forums and it has a count of how many views and how many posts. It's really wonderful that people can come here and read and get help even if they don't want to post.
MTN it sure did get a little strange. I don't think it's personal though. The internet is confusing sometimes and I suspect a couple of the posts that sound strange are out of confusion, not judgement. I personally become more sensitive when I'm online too much. Do you, too? Take what's good here and leave the rest.
I didn't know that about the forum threads... I'll give it a go... but then I'll be adding to our 250,000 refresh count
Sheesh.
I'm not sure which is more ludicrous - starting a thread wanting to do more than sit on my bum on the computer, or, sitting on my bum defending myself on a thread that I started about not sitting on my bum.
I think I'll go and bleach the worktops.
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Originally Posted by ReadyAtLast
It could be like a daily diary/intentions
Each morning when you check in you could put "Today I intend to
1.
2.
3,etc etc"
Each morning when you check in you could put "Today I intend to
1.
2.
3,etc etc"
It was supposed to be just a bit of a reflection thread and and a productivity boost for me.
How it's all gone so crackers I'll never know.
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Originally Posted by isinganyway
i think this is what is so hard for non-addicts to understand. it's not that we make bad decisions regarding alcohol... we make bad decisions in ALL AREAS! We don't have good (or ANY!) self control!
I am, however, questioning why I am participating in a thread started by a known heroin junkie and drug cartel queenpin. At least she has agreed to give up procrastination.
Tomorrow.
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