I just wanted to share something I observed today
 

I would like to share a little scenario that I saw being played out today whilest I was at my local pharmacy waiting for my perscription to be filled. (Keeping in mind that I'm only 3 1/2 weeks into sobriety, and am only really just now starting to be more observant about what's going on in the world around me).

It was about 3.30 in the afternoon when a woman walked into the pharmacy with her 2 children, a boy who would have been about 10, and a young girl who would have been no older than about 5 or 6. The woman was talking to her son about the fact that he had to be at football training at 6.30, and she had to be on the other side of town at the same time. She was telling him that she would have to drop him off early and he mumbled something that I couldn't quite decipher. The woman suddenly turned to the boy and said: "you know what your fathers response would be? (I'm assuming he said something about his dad taking him) "I've had too many beers" At this point the boy rolled his eyes, yelled "I KNOW!!" with exasperation and ran off. I looked at the little girl and watched as her face suddenly went dark and she grabbed onto her mums leg.

This was like an arrow through my heart and hit very close to home for 2 reasons. Firstly, it was clear to me that both those children have been affected on some level by their fathers behaviour. I, myself have a two year old daughter and her father is what I would consider a 'full-blown alcoholic' who refuses to get help and fails to see his behaviour as being an issue for our daughters mental health. (He laughed at me when I told him I was sober ánd now uses it as ammo by calling me an "alcoholic c-word" all the time - Yes, I get the irony, but unfortunately he does not...)

Anyway, I digress...

Secondly, this scenario happening to me is one of my biggest fears and is a massive influence on my decision to be sober. The last thing in the world I want is to actively give my daughter a reason to resent me. I don't want to be that parent.

Anyway, thanks for listening to my little story. The whole thing is burned into my brain, quite possibly because I'm still carrying around some guilt about my actions and essentially missing out on the first couple of years of my little girls life. I'm now even more determined to embrace sobriety with everything I've got to ensure she gets all of me, both physically and emotionally.

:)

RQ

Wow, what a story.

Sounds like your husband's AV doesn't like the reflection he sees of himself in your sober eyes. Glad you're staying strong in spite of the non-support.

I don't recall if I ever missed anything regarding my children because I started drinking early in the evening. I recall many times being a bit resentlful sitting at a practice or school music program because it was delaying my buzz. Hopefully it did not show. (I kept a pretty good lid on it while they were younger. It was mostly in the past few years when I was losing all control on my drinking situation.)

CarolD always used to say 'No child is ever glad that their parents are drinkers', or something to that effect. My parents weren't really alcoholics but my mum's drinking really did effect me. She used to drink wine and cry. And I remember being really young 8 or so and we used to watch films together and she would drink wine in bed out of a mug. She never had any serious negative effects from her drinking but I remember not liking it nonetheless.