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Hi, my name is Katie and I've just relapsed.

Old 02-19-2013, 11:27 PM
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Hi, my name is Katie and I've just relapsed.

Hi guys,

Just typing this to keep myself accountable for my actions because more than likely I won't end up rememebreing them.

Relapsed after a solid 3 andf half weeks sober. Came to the realization after 8 years of heavy drinking I was masking severe depression and alcohol took the better of me today....

Some positives are that I don't have a warrant for my arrest, nor for I have a new assault pending or third DUI...

Regardless, I'm not impressed that it's happened so soon.

Any adivce, I'll give a little detail.

As of when I became sober, I felt the normal withdrawals then felt amazing, waking up at a normal 7am hour, sleeping properly.
I enrolled in a diploma to begin uni afterwards while updating myself on a few short courses.

Does anyone feel like that was my mistake? Perhaps taking on a bit too much within my first month of sobriety?

I was just so pumped to have my mind back, have an amazing memory and the intense drive I used to have for learning and bettering myself.

So to speak, I "bit off more than I could chew"

Does anyone have a similar experience or understand what I'm talking about?

My intention is to not drink aftewr now (Yes, I'm a bit drunk right now)

I appreciate any response.

Thanks
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Old 02-19-2013, 11:31 PM
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Feeling good can be tricky. Learn from it and move on. Not letting it happen again needs a bit of planning
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Old 02-19-2013, 11:35 PM
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That's a very simple answer to a complicated question.

I'll have a think about it regardless
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Old 02-19-2013, 11:41 PM
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First of all , you deserve a big round of applause for 3 and Half weeks sobriety. That , too, after 8 years.

What happened to you is not rare at all. It had happened to many of us. We have been there and done that.

Now, for a moment, forget any thing about the relapse. If you look at more closely, you not only overcame withdrawal symptoms but started enjoying the benefits of sober life. Your motivation reached new heights. You started doing may things because your energy levels went up , both physically as well as mentally. Yes, you might have over committed and demanded more from yourselves. But , nothing is wrong with that . And I fell , that might have not caused the relapse. You will be the best judge . However, from our experience, this happens due to complacency which sets in, once our life becomes better and better while being sober. Then, slowly addictive voice creeps in. It says " See the life is much better now. I could quit for many weeks and I will be able to do it , as and when I desire again.. Hence, no harm in just enjoying one drink only. I think I can handle it "" This may sound familiar to many of our SR friends..

Finally, these were just my thoughts . The best course is just to move on and focus more on the benefits you could enjoy during last three and half weeks and make those benefits available to you for the rest of the life.. All the best.
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Old 02-19-2013, 11:45 PM
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Hi Katie

I think it's good to try new things to stay positive and develop as a person. I wish I had the energy to do new things and not feel so lethargic However, for me, my focus had to be on staying sober in the early weeks.That's not to say I didn't do anything else, more that whatever I did do I made staying sober the focus,so nothing took priority over that. For me 3-4 weeks was a difficult time,the initial euphoria of sobriety was slightly wearing off too.good luck, you can do this.tip the rest of the booze away and start again
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Old 02-19-2013, 11:47 PM
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Katie, following on from lastchance's post, what were your thoughts just before having that first drink today? Knowing that may help you figure out what contributed to this relapse.
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Old 02-20-2013, 12:00 AM
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welcome back Katie

I dunno...I like to keep it simple - basically everytime I'd make the choice to drink rather than doing something else.

Work out why you made that choice - what were the factors involved?
what did you do or didn't do for your recovery?
why'd you drink instead of reaching out for help?

get some answers there and I think you'll be on to something that will be really useful in the future

D
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Old 02-20-2013, 01:17 AM
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Well you know you can do it. Now you've got to decide if your going to be a drinker again with all it's inherited problems( that only get bigger) or start the non drinking road to sobriety. I can't say I managed first time , mainly due to not trying just talking for the first decade!!! All talk and hope.
Then when I failed after really trying , I just had to gather strength to stop again and stop again eventually I realised I'd changed and was enjoying sobriety not just not drinking.
It's more subtle but comes with so much more happiness.
Good luck.
John
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Old 02-20-2013, 02:07 AM
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Based on my own experiences, I'm also in the simple explanation camp. I drank because I like the way it feels to be drunk. Part of my brain registers that as deep pleasure. That part of my brain is constantly telling me to drink more alcohol.

The other parts of my brain realized that the side effects of alcohol were destroying my life, so I knew I had to quit. I know I need to stay quit.

If I drink again it will be because I bought alcohol, put it in my mouth and swallowed it. A series of choices I have made many times in the past, but have decided not to make any longer.
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Old 02-20-2013, 03:09 AM
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Hi, I'm also Katie and I've just relapsed. Have no solid advice because I am also high but just wanted to say you're not alone and hi and ll that stuff x. Keep posting, it helps.
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Old 02-20-2013, 03:23 AM
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Hey Katies,

I got told not to do anything too drastic in my early sobriety. I've just worked on building a solid program of recovery in that time. I want to go back to education. It's just something I know I'm not ready for at the moment. My advice would be to put as much effort into your recovery. The rest of life just tends to fall into place on the way.

Natom.
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Old 02-20-2013, 03:24 AM
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Hi all brand new to all this,sober 3 days after 10 years plus TRYING,feel so low and angry with myself
Have to do it this time,I can't even imagine carrying on drinking for the rest of my life. Very defeated at the thought of meetings but I know I have to go to stay sober.
Any help guys x
Thanks
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Old 02-20-2013, 04:16 AM
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Hi Del, you'll probably receive more responses if you start your own introductory thread in the newcomers forum

Katie, I can relate 100%. I had an insane (I kept repeating the same behaviour and expecting different results) habit of busting and trying to "take on the world"-throwing myself into new jobs, more into my relationships, different areas of study, etc.

For me, it was a means of doing anything possible *not* to look at myself; I didn't have time-nor the inclination or desperation until quite recently-to do so. It was also like a masochistic pattern when I refused to admit i'm alcoholic; I seemed to get something out of tearing myself down and seeing how much I could build myself up again with the external.

Pretty nuts, right?

In any case, i've been working damn hard on my recovery for the last 8 & 1/2 months inside and outside the rooms of AA. I was studying while I was still drinking and received my qualification at the end of last year at about 5 months sober. I have continued to study, but for once in my academic life I actually took advice from someone at my University who certainly knows better than me. I had enrolled in 3 subjects and she suggested 2 as it's a summer trimester and it's a crazy time of year. So I did that. I've found that it works for me, and i've re-adjusted my enrolment to 2 subjects for next trimester too.

natom hit the nail on the head, in my opinion and experience, too-make recovery #1 and the rest of your life falls into place.

What was working for you recovery-wise in that 3 & 1/2 week period of sobriety?

Xx
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Old 02-20-2013, 04:30 AM
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Hi: I agree the all the above posts, but would add that, since you sound like you are intending to get back into recovery ASAP, please don't beat yourself up too badly, relapse seems to happen quite often, and really you have no reason to feel guilt so long as up get up off the mat and move forward. As you mention issues about depression, you certainly don't need any extra guilt right now, although when you feel ready, you might want to look into the depression bit with the help of a therapist. So please don't beat yourself up, rather congratulate your self for getting back into recovery so quickly.--Sincerely wishing you the best, rick
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Old 02-20-2013, 04:55 AM
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Hi 2 katies, ive also slipped, had bad job interview for a job that was nothing like what id thought it would be. Couldnt handle the dissappointment and headed straight to a bar, blacked out and lost all my certificates and other stuff, have no clue where i have been or what i have done.

This is why i have to stop from today, i think it solves my problems- it just creates chaos.

Glad you've posted, we're all in this together- no-one said it would be easy.
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Old 02-20-2013, 05:52 AM
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Thanks Quinn x
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Old 02-20-2013, 01:36 PM
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Hi Katie, you'll probably wake up today feeling pretty lousy, if not physically then at least mentally. Try not to buy into it. You had a great start - 3.5 weeks sober after 8 years of heavy drinking is no small feat. Learn from the experience and quit again, this time armed with this new information about yourself and what triggered you yesterday. xx
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