Quinne

Hi all,

I have never been close to my paternal Grandparents. They made minimal effort when my siblings and I were growing up and have always shown greater interest and involvement with my Aunt's children.

My maternal Grandpa passed away a little over a year ago, and Dad (having always considered himself the "black sheep" of his family) finally said, stuff it-life's too short and has really made an effort to reconnect with them.

My Mum informed me a couple of days ago that they had decided to give ALL the grandkids a considerable sum of money.

I asked Mum if she knew why they were doing it (yep, I know I can't tell what someone else's motives are, and neither can she) and she said "I think because they want to. No doubt they'd prefer it if you spent it on something that's worthwhile"

I have accepted the money (asked Mum to deposit it into my bank account across two payments as i'm not crash-hot with money) and plan to use it for the following:

-Paying for a half-day hospitality course that will put me in very good stead to work in the field that I would like to

-A number of boxing classes, as general health has become a massive priority in sobriety

-Textbooks for next trimester

-I'll be putting some away in case of emergencies

-Groceries

-AA literature

-More money for the collection basket!

What struck me as really odd was heading to the local shopping centre before, it's like I became a bit overexcited and a little "drunk" on all the things I could do with the money. It wasn't a great experience, and now i'm feeling quite guilty

I got my hair cut, bought a dress for Mum (she never spends ANY money on herself), bought some groceries, bits and bobs for myself (underwear, shoes) and now i'm sitting here feeling very ungrateful as a result of the guilt. I almost feel like my affection has been bought, but this is what they have *always* done and I get the impression it's the only thing they can do to express themselves. Christmas, Birthdays-it's always been money.

I actually am very grateful-I receive government benefits and it doesn't allow for much leeway once things like rent and public transport are accounted for.

I will either be writing them a letter to express my gratitude or calling them. Maybe i'll pop in for a visit next time i'm down near Mum & Dad's too.

My question is if anyone else has experienced anything like this? I have a hunch it's one of those situations "we will intuitively know how to handle that used to baffle us", but I have really mixed feelings about it! Should I just shush my mouth and say "thank you!"?

I'll have a chat with my sponsor tonight about it. In addition to this, I know I have at least one financial amends to make-however, it is important to me that the money I give back is as a result of my own hard work and not a gift from someone else.

Xx

artsoul

Concerning their motivation, I think your guess is as good as anyone's , Quinne, but it's a very nice thing for them to do, so I'd probably leave it at that. Family's are strange animals...... I have to admit I've spent more time with some relatives and not so much with others (for various reasons), but when it comes down to it, they're family, you know? I care about all of them for that reason.

I think it would be great if you could connect with them, even share some of your plans (how you would spend the money)..... As someone approaching the autumn of life myself, relationships really do matter more to me now, and I would be pleased if my grandchildren (when I have them) did that.

(Oh yeah, forget the guilt)....

Dee74

Artsoul's said everything I would have

Sometimes I think people, particularly Aussies of a particular generation, find it easier to give things, rather than express things - maybe this is whats happening here?

and yeah - forget the guilt

D