Happy2013

Hello,

I just wanted to introduce myself and see if there are any others here who can give me some advice and are in my same position. My boyfriend is in the first stages of trying to become sober after 10 years or more of drinking. we have been together a few years, and I am trying to support him and very happy that he wants this for himself.

I am looking for some books i can read to help with learning what support really means, what to expect, and how to manage his irritability. He is extremely edgy, has anxiety, and gets frustrated with me easily now. I have also noticed that it is not possible to discuss any problems/issues. not even small ones as he is not interested in participating in conversation or problem solving. He is just "irritated" that he has to deal with that and if pushed turns mean. I feel pretty helpless, and hurt because he has thrown some mean comments my way and lashed out. I have been told I pushed him and was the reason for this which makes me feel worse. today I finally talked with our couples therapist because I am unsure of how to manage. I feel very alone and when issues arise, if he says something rude, or is neglectful of my feelings about something, I feel like I can't talk to him like a normal girlfriend would. I have to bottle it up b/c right now he is irritable and not able to handle anything, and going through recovery.

what is support during recovery?
how do we deal with these things?
And how do I know what to expect?

One day seems ok, the next is not.

Thanks.

ClearLight

How about Al-Anon?
It's made for people like you. Folks that need to deal with a partner/spouse/family member in recovery.

http://al-anon.alateen.org/how-to-fi...FU1yQgodjjQAZQ

I think it's great that you're tryng to support him.

Happy2013

I am very grateful Al-anon exists, the only problem is you cannot cross talk during meetings. So it is mainly everyone sharing their day. I never hear how to deal with situations like this, and members are discouraged from giving advice. It's frustrating b/c you talk just to talk. I really need feedback. I still go though and read the books.

CrossFox

I see in another post, Happy2013, that you are asking for answers and advice even though this is tricky because it opens the doors for projection, bad advice and so forth.

Let me just say that it's great if your boyfriend wants to get sober for himself as you say but this - "My boyfriend is in the first stages of trying to become sober" - is vague.

What actions has your boyfriend taken to address his addiction/s? Is he attending support groups?

Happy2013

we go to couple's counseling and he goes alone to counseling. He is also going to AA and reading something they gave him as well as some books on sobriety the therapist gave. "First Stages" I meant that this is the first time he has faced there is even a problem. He made the decision randomly to go to AA one day.

I am not looking for a manual on how to resolve the edginess. Just maybe the perspective of someone in his shoes. What's important to you during that time if you are going to AA while in a relationship. im a little clueless about the whole thing.