sorensh2

So, I am new and decided to join because I just got dumped by a methadone addict/narcotics addict - and found myself reading so many posts that made me feel like there's some sort of hope.
My story: I found someone perfect. We were together for a year - and he was everything I could have ever dreamed of. Over this year - I found out that he was a servere narcotics addict. I supported him and grieved over how $1500 was disappearing every month - and once it was gone the first week of the month, I got to watch him get sick and shake non-stop, as well as put gas in his truck so we could get anywhere. Last month he suddenly made it longer than the sickness and withdrawals and claimed to be clean and done. But then he suddenly wanted to repair his relationship with God and be abstinent. No further explanation. Then a week later, he couldn't handle my need for reassurance, and the man who spend a year telling me we could work through anything and that we were so perfect for each other - decided he couldn't deal with me anymore and told me he felt like I just resented him once he got clean.
First of all, I wanted nothing more for him to be well. But I'm finding that the person he was doesn't exist. The man I am aching for isn't real. Unless he is just lying to me to protect his habit because he doesn't want to let me down anymore? The pain is unbearable. This was the last thing I expected in return for supporting him and putting up with so much heartache.

Any words of advice welcome...please....

artsoul

Welcome sorensh2 -

I'm sorry for the hurt you're going through and hope your boyfriend gets the help he needs. Whether this change of heart is related to his addiction, only time will tell, but I'm glad you're reaching out for support in the meantime.

Check out our Family/Friends of Substance Abusers section here:
Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
I know you'll find lots of support there as well.

Beligerent

I actually went thru a similar thing with my GF. She was sneaking around, coming home late and not being reachable. I thought it was another guy...turned out to be Coke and a whole different set of coke friends

MIRecovery

Sorry for your loss but in reality it may have been the best thing possible. Relationships with addicts more often than not end in disaster. It sounds like he has a lot of growing up and growing in recovery. I think you are right the person you want does not exist. It took me years of sobriety to decide who I was and what I wanted and even today I still am shooting at a moving target. I was an expert at showing people what they wanted to see but it was all based on lies.

Let him get sober and have a solid recovery going before you do too much crying over spilled milk. The future will always be there it a relationship was meant to be but it has to be based on sobriety and honesty

ACT10Npack

Better off walking away from relationship. Your not married with this person and you don't have kids with him either. I know you put in a year with this person but at the end, if you don't feel like your going to be happy then don't deal with it. A lot of more fishes in the sea and this so call perfect is not really perfect at all. Break you ties and move on with your life.

sorensh2

Well, the ties were broken, regardless of whether its what I wanted. It has been a rough couple of weeks. I find it interesting how some days, I feel like I've overcome the heartache, and the feelings of missing and loving him, but then other days, I get so sad about it, and it is so hard not to think about. I remember that I never felt so attracted to someone, so perfect with anyone as I did with him, how our love-making was so incredible, how accepting he was of my flaws, how much we shared in common...)

BUT I also remember...how judgmental he was of every person that passed by, how isolated he made himself and eventually me too, and how bitter he was toward everyone else, including his closest family and loved ones. For claiming to be such a devout Christian, that is pretty sad. And in addition, I also have the disturbing memories of the many times that he was broke and sick, shaky, twitchy, irritable; or when he had his drugs, he was sleepy, glassy-eyed, disinterested, and hollow as far as the soul is involved.

My gut is telling me he isn't really clean like he claims to be. He is probably just protecting his habit. Everyone I trust enough to talk to figures there's no way he could just quit snorting methadone (or whatever narcotic was accessible) cold-turkey after 3 or 4 years and just magically get well on his own without any assistance or any substance for that matter. (The people I spoke to have all either experienced this type of addiction or known people who did).

But if he wants to hold against me that I am not the type of person to go to church every Sunday and that I was confused by his sudden decision not to be sexually active with me, and if he is going to hold against me that I smoke a little pot, when he's been a junky for years - good for him. He also failed to recognize that I am human too, that my life (which is much more involved than his) is busy and chaotic and that once in a while stress will get to me and make me emotional. He took it all and turned the tables on me so that it was all my fault that we didn't work out. He reversed it all into that "he stuck with me and put up with me" and that I need to work through some things. That's all a major part of his denial though. He shot himself in the foot, figuratively speaking. I didn't change, but he did...supposedly. I just have to accept that he's not who I thought he was, and that all those sappy loving words he uttered were all a facade put on in favor of his own benefit.

I hope after being with someone as gorgeous and "caring" as him, that I can experience such feelings of love and attraction ever again.

I am proud of myself for all that I've endured, for still placing one foot in front of the other...