Weasel1966

I know I have them because I am looking for the path and cannot even tell I am on it!

I always seem to know where I am going.

I am going on vacation to Florida. I get there.

I am going grocery shopping. I have food.

I am going on a date. Well that does not always end with what I want but I get there.

Then I drink. And I get no where? Why is that?

I know the path well. I have beat it to a dirt road for crying out loud!

Yet in my blind spot I always take that turn right for another lap around the dust bowl.

I think to much.... Especially on the way to work where I got lost in this thought process.

But I want to see my blind spots. Know how to know they are there and account for them.

I don't feel I need to fix each. That's way to much. Just know where they are.

My worst blind spot is the rationalization that I can drink normally. I have that one down now. I know I cannot. I have proof. So when Fridays come and blinders go up. I can still see around that damn corner and know whats there. And it ain't good.

These are things I learned from SR. This place has given me so much.

Because of it I feel like I can see for miles. But then I would probably only be overlooking my blind spots.

So I will just stay closer to home and enjoy my sober Tuesday.

Thanks for being there.

Ken

deeker

Hi Weasel. I don't know if you read the AA Big Book, but here is an excerpt about those strange mental blank spots, it sounds like this is what you are describing. You may want to read this chapter.

Chapter 3
PG 41 Big Book Big Book Online Fourth Edition

This story is about a guy who had much knowledge about his alcoholism yet was off guard and drank and had no mental defense. Like a strange mental blank spot or blind spot as you called it.

"As soon as I regained my ability to think, I went carefully over that evening in Washington. ( This guy got drunk the night before)Not only had I been off guard, I had made no fight whatever against the first drink.

This time I had not thought of the consequences at all. I had commenced to drink as carelessly as though the cocktails were ginger ale. I now remembered what my alcoholic friends had told me, how they prophesied that if I had an alcoholic mind, the time and place would come I would drink again.

They had said that though I did raise a defense, it would one day give way before some trivial reason for having a drink. Well, just that did happen and more, for what I had learned of alcoholism did not occur to me at all.

I knew from that moment that I had an alcoholic mind. I saw that will power and self- knowledge would not help in those strange mental blank spots.

I had never been able to understand people who said that a problem had them hopelessly defeated. I knew then. It was the crushing blow.

"Then they (AA) outlined the spiritual answer and program of action which a hundred of them had followed successfully. Though I had been only a nominal churchman, their proposals were not, intellectually, hard to swallow.

But the program of action, though entirely sensible, was pretty drastic. It meant I would have to throw several lifelong conceptions out of the window.

That was not easy. But the moment I made up my mind to go through with the process, I had the curious feeling that my alcoholic condition was relieved, as in fact it proved to be.

"Quite as important was the discovery that spiritual principles would solve all my problems. I have since been brought into a way of living infinitely more satisfying and, I hope, more useful than the life I lived before.

My old manner of life was by no means a bad one, but I would not exchange its best moments for the worst I have now. I would not go back to it even if I could."

Once more: The alcoholic at certain times has no effective mental defense against the first drink. Except in a few cases, neither he nor any other human being can provide such a defense. His defense must come from a Higher Power.
*Reprinted with permission of AA World Services


I hope you found this helpful. From what I understand , drinking is just a symptom of a much deeper problem that is deep inside us. This disease centers in our minds.

Our thinking is the problem. You may want to google "spiritual malady" It will also tell you about how this is a 3 fold illness of body, mind and spirit. Prayers your way!

mecanix

I think sometimes knowing how to react to a "blind spot" when you find yourself in one is key rather than trying to see the unseeable .

If i shoved a meershaum of smoldering old carpet tobacco in your face you'd probably baulk at it , with clear perception and thought i'm sure your reaction could be equally as agahst at the idea of drinking .

Contemplating drinking alcohol certainly makes my tummy turn nowdays just like the thought of smoking does .

I'm sure that can be your reation too, with time, as there is nothing special about me and my drinking ,

Bestwishes, M

Weasel1966

Deeker ...Thanks. Blind spots in addiction, or life for that matter, are common I suppose.

M..... Lol.... Nice. See the unseeable. My signature is about that.

P.s. I see dead people.

Huglets

My worst blind spot is the rationalization that I can drink normally.

This is what resonated most with me Ken. I'm an expert at thinking I can resume drinking with different results. It never happens.

I'm also a thinker. I think entirely too much and oftentimes confuse myself....

After this last relapse, I stopped thinking. It was decision time. If I went back to drinking I was surely going to die. My life wasn't so hot, so I considered it. But I had previously stayed sober for quite a while and knew how great it was.

So I made a decision to live. And 83 days in, I don't have a single regret.

Sure, I still overthink everything else. But I no longer think about whether to drink or not. I have already made that decision, so it's no longer necessary to think about it.

Nonsensical

I don't think I can drink normally.

My blind spot is that I think it doesn't matter if I get totally wasted every once in a while, and then continue on the next day like nothing happened.

Delilah1

I am guilty of spending too much time thinking as well, as for blind spots it is easy to know they are there, sometimes trickier to acknowledge them!

Sounds like you are doing well Ken, I am glad to hear that!!

quitforme79

Hey Ken,
Always love reading your posts, so much wisdom. The fact that you have insight into your "blind spots" tells me you are doing well at dealing with them. Happy sober Tuesday!

FreeFall

I feel like SR has removed the blinders and I see through the blind spots now-it has been invaluable. Sometimes I'm in situations and I almost feel like I'm looking at myself from a distance. The inner dialog is talking through my AV somehow. "This is where you would typically get into trouble. This is the exact situation that triggers you wanting to drink. This is where you remember how great you've been feeling not drinking, choose the soda, and think of the big picture".

I still find a lot of blind spots when it comes to stress though-I think I have things under control and then realize not even close lol they sneak up on you.

"My worst blind spot is the rationalization that I can drink normally. I have that one down now. I know I cannot. I have proof. So when Fridays come and blinders go up. I can still see around that damn corner and know whats there. And it ain't good."

Ken, this is so huge to have this one down. That's the biggie!! Good job!