Ugh, what to do?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 95
Ugh, what to do?
Hi everyone,
Well, here I am introducing myself yet again. I joined the class of February thread but it didn't work for me, nothing seems to.
I think my big problem is, ambivalence about actually quitting.
Drinking is a funny one for me, I have always had the tendency to overdo it but have also had lots of really fun times with it, indeed some of the happiest memories of my life.
I am also going through a divorce and moving countries just now, and actually drinking less than I have in years (go figure ..... Haha, you can tell I'm a Brit living in the USA!).....only generally twice a week, and it's a bottle and a half of wine at a time, usually.
I wonder if I'm only using alcohol to cope with a stressful situation, or is there a bigger problem. I have lurked about here for years, and I know the old saying about if you think you have a problem you probably do....hmmmm.
Has anyone else been where I am?
Well, here I am introducing myself yet again. I joined the class of February thread but it didn't work for me, nothing seems to.
I think my big problem is, ambivalence about actually quitting.
Drinking is a funny one for me, I have always had the tendency to overdo it but have also had lots of really fun times with it, indeed some of the happiest memories of my life.
I am also going through a divorce and moving countries just now, and actually drinking less than I have in years (go figure ..... Haha, you can tell I'm a Brit living in the USA!).....only generally twice a week, and it's a bottle and a half of wine at a time, usually.
I wonder if I'm only using alcohol to cope with a stressful situation, or is there a bigger problem. I have lurked about here for years, and I know the old saying about if you think you have a problem you probably do....hmmmm.
Has anyone else been where I am?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
Have I wondered am I actually an alcoholic/is my drinking really a problem?
sure
The thing is tho - if it wasn't a problem I should have been able to quit - no matter what other reason I was using alcohol for.
If I was just self medicating for emotional and physical pain, it should have been clear to me that the problems drinking bought me were actually far greater than the problems I was trying to deal with.
It wasn't clear to me though.
If, as I thought, I was just going through a rough patch, I should have been able to find other healthier ways to deal.
I didn't.
I really was hooked. Deeply.
Had I faced that reality then, it might have shook me out of my ambivalence.... and I might have avoided a lot of the really nasty stuff that happened to me at the end of my drinking career.
You have a chance to do that britaboard, and you have an amazing resource in SR that I didn't know about until after I quit.
Life is really short - my advice is don't waste another week, another month or another year, even decade, coasting with this.
D
sure
The thing is tho - if it wasn't a problem I should have been able to quit - no matter what other reason I was using alcohol for.
If I was just self medicating for emotional and physical pain, it should have been clear to me that the problems drinking bought me were actually far greater than the problems I was trying to deal with.
It wasn't clear to me though.
If, as I thought, I was just going through a rough patch, I should have been able to find other healthier ways to deal.
I didn't.
I really was hooked. Deeply.
Had I faced that reality then, it might have shook me out of my ambivalence.... and I might have avoided a lot of the really nasty stuff that happened to me at the end of my drinking career.
You have a chance to do that britaboard, and you have an amazing resource in SR that I didn't know about until after I quit.
Life is really short - my advice is don't waste another week, another month or another year, even decade, coasting with this.
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 95
You are extremely wise, Dee, thank you.
I have a slight suspicion that I'm using the divorce, country moving etc as an excuse to drink.....look how stressed I am, etc.
I know, logically, that drinking makes none of this stuff better, though,
Argh!
I have a slight suspicion that I'm using the divorce, country moving etc as an excuse to drink.....look how stressed I am, etc.
I know, logically, that drinking makes none of this stuff better, though,
Argh!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 95
Originally Posted by Dee74 
LOL I made a lot of mistakes to get this 'wise'
You're already smarter than I was cos you're aware of this
have you used any support besides SR?
D
You're already smarter than I was cos you're aware of this
have you used any support besides SR?
D
Dee, thank you for taking the time out to talk to me, it really means a lot. X
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,031
Originally Posted by Dee74
Have I wondered am I actually an alcoholic/is my drinking really a problem?
sure
The thing is tho - if it wasn't a problem I should have been able to quit - no matter what other reason I was using alcohol for.
If I was just self medicating for emotional and physical pain, it should have been clear to me that the problems drinking bought me were actually far greater than the problems I was trying to deal with.
It wasn't clear to me though.
If, as I thought, I was just going through a rough patch, I should have been able to find other healthier ways to deal.
I didn't.
I really was hooked. Deeply.
Had I faced that reality then, it might have shook me out of my ambivalence.... and I might have avoided a lot of the really nasty stuff that happened to me at the end of my drinking career.
You have a chance to do that britaboard, and you have an amazing resource in SR that I didn't know about until after I quit.
Life is really short - my advice is don't waste another week, another month or another year, even decade, coasting with this.
D
sure
The thing is tho - if it wasn't a problem I should have been able to quit - no matter what other reason I was using alcohol for.
If I was just self medicating for emotional and physical pain, it should have been clear to me that the problems drinking bought me were actually far greater than the problems I was trying to deal with.
It wasn't clear to me though.
If, as I thought, I was just going through a rough patch, I should have been able to find other healthier ways to deal.
I didn't.
I really was hooked. Deeply.
Had I faced that reality then, it might have shook me out of my ambivalence.... and I might have avoided a lot of the really nasty stuff that happened to me at the end of my drinking career.
You have a chance to do that britaboard, and you have an amazing resource in SR that I didn't know about until after I quit.
Life is really short - my advice is don't waste another week, another month or another year, even decade, coasting with this.
D
Better when never is never
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Wisconsin near Twin Cities
Posts: 1,745
I've been close to where you are. The "best" I have ever been was when I was a regular at the pub. I was well known, great at darts, funny, would break up fights, help make business connections... great, great times...BUT...the human body is not meant to take that kind of abuse. Time marches on and most people moved on with their lives, the pub closed down, and I continued to drink. My body and mind started to give out. I kept drinking because it was part of my identity, but the fun times were a lot further between before eventually stopping. I was a mess. Still, I clung to the idea that something might change and turn it all around. The fun times were just around the corner, always.
I was still ambivalent about quitting, even though the benefits didn't exist anymore and the costs were increasingly high. I am a thinker and I made the choice to quit as difficult and as complex as possible. There was always a reason to drink or a rationalization as to why it would soon be normal. However, when I looked at it honestly, there was never a reason to explain drinking alone on my couch night after night.
I finally stopped fighting and made it simple. I had no real examples of normal drinking, my current (then) drinking was making me miserable, and I couldn't seem to stop. I was faced with two choices: stay miserable or try something different.
I was still ambivalent about quitting, even though the benefits didn't exist anymore and the costs were increasingly high. I am a thinker and I made the choice to quit as difficult and as complex as possible. There was always a reason to drink or a rationalization as to why it would soon be normal. However, when I looked at it honestly, there was never a reason to explain drinking alone on my couch night after night.
I finally stopped fighting and made it simple. I had no real examples of normal drinking, my current (then) drinking was making me miserable, and I couldn't seem to stop. I was faced with two choices: stay miserable or try something different.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
As long as I sat on the fence I didn't have to commit.
I could have my cake and eat it as well .... or so I thought.
Pain was the only thing that got me to commit to AA and that commitment came about 2 seconds before I pulled the trigger.
I wish you the best.
Bob R
I could have my cake and eat it as well .... or so I thought.
Pain was the only thing that got me to commit to AA and that commitment came about 2 seconds before I pulled the trigger.
I wish you the best.
Bob R
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