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Valentines Day Rock Bottom

Old 02-16-2013, 02:57 PM
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Unhappy Valentines Day Rock Bottom



I'm 25 years old, found this site a few months ago, first post.
I'm an alcoholic and addicted to cocaine. On Valentines day I hit what I think is my rock bottom (although I've felt this before). Basically drank a bottle of wine and a few beers and spun out of control. I was physically and verbally abusive to my boyfriend (of 5 years) although I don't remember it as I blacked out. I've been verbally and physically abusive to him in the past when I drink. I turn into a "monster" when I drink yet I still continue to drink. (and often drinking leads to coke) The next morning he told me some of the terrible things I did and said and I felt so low and ashamed I came really close to committing suicide. I'm not sure what stopped me.
I don't ever want to spiral out of control like that again. I'm on Day 1 of my recovery and have a long journey ahead of me. Any suggestions for a good plan I can create to keep myself on track? Unfourtunalty I don't have access to meetings as I live in a small town....
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Old 02-16-2013, 03:08 PM
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Hi and welcome Zoey
It certainly sounds like you're ready for a change.

If there are no meetings around, have you thought of online meetings? Most recovery methods offer those now

D
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Old 02-16-2013, 03:13 PM
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I have done some terrible things in past relationships when I was your age and I wished I'd sought help then.

I'm embracing sober life at 36 now and I'm so grateful.

Some people can drink and others, like us, don't have that off switch. There's plenty of support right here and you can look at AVRT recovery too. (Google it)

It takes a while to break the habit if you are a binge drinker as it also an addiction even if you don't drink every day. I counted my recovery on days as well as 'sober weekends' as my pattern was sporadic binges and extended daily sessions.

Your bottom is personal to you, but if you've crossed a line where you behaved at odds with your morals then you've done the right thing in quitting.

Keep posting and read around.

I wish you all the best.

S x
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Old 02-16-2013, 04:02 PM
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Originally Posted by zoey09 View Post

I'm 25 years old, found this site a few months ago, first post.
I'm an alcoholic and addicted to cocaine. On Valentines day I hit what I think is my rock bottom (although I've felt this before). Basically drank a bottle of wine and a few beers and spun out of control. I was physically and verbally abusive to my boyfriend (of 5 years) although I don't remember it as I blacked out. I've been verbally and physically abusive to him in the past when I drink. I turn into a "monster" when I drink yet I still continue to drink. (and often drinking leads to coke) The next morning he told me some of the terrible things I did and said and I felt so low and ashamed I came really close to committing suicide. I'm not sure what stopped me.
I don't ever want to spiral out of control like that again. I'm on Day 1 of my recovery and have a long journey ahead of me. Any suggestions for a good plan I can create to keep myself on track? Unfourtunalty I don't have access to meetings as I live in a small town....
Anywhere in North America I can find a meeting almost as fast as I could find a drink. If you are like me the meetings will save your life.

If your plan doesn't work you can always find AA. (It's usually the last place we want to find)

I wish you the best zoey.

Bob R
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Old 02-16-2013, 04:14 PM
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You never have to feel like that again if you do not want to.

All you have to do is not take that first drink, then you cannot get drunk.

It also sounds like if you don't take that first drink, you won't end up taking lines of cocaine either.

You say you live in a small town.
Can you go to the nearest large town and find a meeting?

Do all you can so you don't find yourself in this situation again.
Go to meetings, come here and read and post and learn.

In a few days the hangover will probably wear off and you might hear that familiar voice in your head saying 'just one, that won't hurt'.
Now, while you are feeling raw from this incident, get some meetings under your belt and learn from others so you can feel stronger about staying away from that first drink next time.
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Old 02-16-2013, 04:16 PM
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Zoey, I also turned into an unrecognizeable and horrible person when I drank. Have faith that you can change this by stopping drinking now and learning to live in recovery.
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Old 02-16-2013, 04:32 PM
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I got clean from cocaine by attending Narcotics Anonymous meetings. Search the internet for information on NA as well as AA. I relapsed on alcohol and have been sober almost 4 months. I've been without cocaine since I was 25; I'm 46 now. You can make this change. It sucks but it is possible especially with support. This is a great source of support as well as information. Keep posting.
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Old 02-16-2013, 05:10 PM
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The reality is its only a matter of time before this similar behavior comes out of you again if you find yourself drinking/drugging again. Its just the way it is. Some people, myself included, have a dr. jekyl complex going on but when we are sober we are nice people. Getting sober is worth the effort and I would encourage you to find a way to get help doing it because who wouldn't want to make getting sober easier? If your willing to walk into AA you will increase your chances of finding lasting peace, joy, and satisfaction in life. Best of luck to you.
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Old 02-16-2013, 06:06 PM
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thanks for the support
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Old 02-16-2013, 06:27 PM
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Zoey,

I've been there! I have a saint of a wife who I've treated badly at times due to excessive drinking. It seems like your boyfriend is a good man who cares about you - thank God for people in our lives who continue to love us despite our struggles.

I, too, am developing an "action plan" for sobriety, which I've seen other members of the forum do. Let me know if you need help, suggestions, etc.

Admitting that you have a problem and genuinely desiring a plan of action is a huge step in the right direction. Keep the positive energy going. We have your back!
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