Louise82

This morning I went to an A.A. meeting I've never been to before and got talking with a lady there. She recommended that I get a sponsor and I asked how I go about getting one. She said to listen out at meetings and if I liked a person's share, I should ask them to be my sponsor.

I'm not sure whether she meant you ask them after just one share or if you should listen to several of their shares before asking. This lady herself shared in the meeting and I liked what I heard. She also gave me her number and gave me some honest advice on an issue I'd raised during my share - some advice that I didn't want to hear but that made sense. Without even realizing it, I ended up going back and forth with her as if we'd known one another for ages!

I wouldn't mind asking her if she would be my sponsor but I didn't today as I didn't know if I'd be rushing things. If she shares at the next meeting I see her at and I like what I hear again, should I ask her then?

Also, this same lady suggested I go to a meeting every day so I'm going to try that out this week. If I really like someone's share at one of the meetings, can I ask them straight away to sponsor me or should I get to know them better first?

Sorry, I know this question is a bit like "how long after the date should I call him?", but as the saying goes, "One who asks questions is a fool for 5 minutes; one who does not ask questions remains a fool forever".

Coldfusion

This is from the Lake Chelan Community Hospital's "Keys to Sober Living:"

"Select a sponsor as soon as possible. The person should have at least one year consecutive sobriety and know and practice the program. He/she should be able to guide you through step work and be reasonably available."

My sponsor ("Shrinking Man") and his sponsor ("Big Guy") approached me after my third meeting. We set up a meeting the next day at Big Guy's home. I wanted Big Guy for my sponsor, but he had too many sponsees. Shrinking Man did not really seem to be my kind of person, especially when I learned that I have a major work-related resentment against a member of his household. Anyway, it has worked much better than I anticipated. I actually asked my sponsor about his qualifications, and one thing he had done was to volunteer for the District AA crisis lines.

At this point in time, accept all the help you can get, with the usual disclaimers about predation...

Louise82

Thanks Coldfusion; that's very helpful. I'm glad it worked out with you and your sponsor.

renaldo

What I'm saying is entirely anecdotal, and nothing to due with choosing a sponsor, but I've had a number of sponsors. One of them died, so I picked another, but then I dropped out of the program. I thought he would be disappointed with me, but when I called him, he wasn't and he didn't preach at me. So hope springs eternal. And if it seems otherwise, pick yourself up and try again. You've got a lot of chances in this long life.

jennikate

I don't think it's critical that you know each other that well. That being said, I do think it's a good idea to ask a potential sponsor what she/he expects from a sponsee as far as time,etc. It's important to have similiar expectations about the process. Good luck!

Eddiebuckle

You're not a fool, far from it - you recognize what you don't know and seek to find the answer. I have been a member of AA for 3 years and have had two sponsors. Both are men whose Experience, Strength & Hope made sense to me and made me want to know more. The fact that you implicitly trust this womans guidance about going to meetings is a good sign. The fact that she gave you her contact information would suggest that she is open to helping you. I would go to the same meeting and hear what she has to say. If her shares continue to make you want what she has, ask if she would be willing to be your sponsor. By the way, it is not unusual for people to have temporary sponsors. It allows both parties a chance to see if the chemistry works, as first impressions can sometimes mislead.

Most of all - keep going to meetings and stay open and willing to hear what is said, especially those things that perhaps you might prefer not to be told. Our "status quo" thinking is what got us to need the rooms, we have to be open to the possibility that some of our personal sacred cows may need slaughter for us to heal.

Good luck and congratulations!

omegasupreme

Feet speak louder than any mouth. What are they doing? Are they living the program? Are they helping others?

I know several in London that are solid. PM me if you need help finding a sponsor.

YouRmySunshine

Great question! I am new to this too! I do have a potential sponsor, & oddly we have not met in person yet. I received her name/number from a a guy at my AA meeting. I am nervous about it. But I figure worst that can happen is it doesn't work, but I learn something & reach out & accept help when offered. Something as alcoholics we are not real good at. We think we can fix it all on our own. Funny that has only gotten me here in this mess I am in!

laurie6781

AA has a pretty good pamphlet on Sponsorship. Look for it on the literature table/rack
at the meetings you attend and get one to take home and read.

In the meantime, you can also read it on line:

http://www.aa.org/pdf/products/p-15_Q&AonSpon.pdf

Hope that helps a bit!

Love and hugs,

Louise82

Thanks for taking the time to reply everyone. All your brilliant posts have really helped me to reflect on what I'm going to do.

I'm thinking that I'm going to watch and listen at meetings this week and if I identify a potential sponsor -- whether it's the lady from yesterday or someone else -- I'll approach them. If they're willing to be a sponsor I'll suggest having a conversation about how the program's working out for them and what they expect from me.

Getting a temporary sponsor and seeing how it goes sounds like a great idea. I'll bring that up with any potentials I speak to.

Good point about actions. Thanks for the offer of help; I may well take you up on it.

Good luck with your potential sponsor! I hope you find someone who's a right fit for you. I think it's natural to be nervous. There are a lot of things about AA/sobriety that I'm nervous about, but I'm also looking forward to this new adventure. So true about us having a 'we can fix it all on our own' attitude. As with you, that attitude has done nothing but gotten me into my current mess, which is why I'm now trying to be more open to people's advice and suggestions, even if I don't want to hear it.

Thanks for the link! I'll look out for the pamphlet at the meeting I'm going to this evening.

VJ99

I've been wondering about sponsors too. Thanks for asking the question. And thanks for all the good replies that followed.

Louise82

You're welcome. I'm glad I'm not the only one wondering about this. Good luck with your journey!

omegasupreme

Even after I got my first sponsor I kept wondering if I had the right one for a while...especially when he relapsed. What I learned through that horrifying experience is that my reliance is to be upon God and not my sponsor. Was it horrifying? Yes. Did my relationship with God grow? You bet! Safe and protected

Natom

I listened to my sponsor share for 6 months before I asked him to sponsor me. It allowed me to see how he lived the program. How he dealt with life on lifes terms and also his hobbies and past times. Your sponsor is your sponsor but having hobbies and interests in common is a massive bonus. You should get a sponsor as soon as possible. But take the time to get to see how they work their program first.

Natom.

Huglets

Good for you to be proactive in finding a sponsor!!

Go with your gut on this one. If you find yourself drawn to someone go ahead and ask. The great thing about AA sponsorship is that if down the road is isn't working for you, it's perfectly acceptable to find a different sponsor.

I've had 2 sponsors. My first sponsor and I didn't click. At all. She had long term sobriety, worked the program and had wonderful advice. But I just wasn't comfortable with her. She and I parted and I found a different sponsor. My current sponsor and I click very well. It's so important that you pick someone you are absolutely comfortable with.

Good luck on your search!

Louise82

Thanks for sharing that. Despite the horror of the experience, I'm glad that your relationship with God was able to grow as a result. It just goes to show that He is able to work in us in all situations. I'll certainly be mindful of relying on Him alone.

Thanks Natom. That's very interesting. It sounds like it's about striking the right balance between spending enough time seeing how potential sponsors live the progam and not waiting too long to get a sponsor.

Thank you! I'm glad you found someone you click with. I really would like to trust my gut on this but I guess I'm scared of making the wrong decision. But as you say, this kind of decision isn't irreversible. Your reply and others on this thread have made me understand that getting a sponsor isn't like getting a tattoo - you don't have to either stick with them for life or pay to get them removed, lol.