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i don't know how to enjoy good things...

Old 02-16-2013, 02:05 AM
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i don't know how to enjoy good things...

This is getting embarrasing...
In the past i relapsed because i found everything boring and unpleasant.

I understood that i can't just wait for things to get better.
So i followed some advices here and decided to work out in other areas of my life that needs improvements.

And everything went just too good! Yesterday i finally got a new job, much better than the old one. And guess what....

I felt it needs celebrating... Alone at home, of course! And with 8 beers!
I really don't know how to handle good or bad things that are happening to me. It's the 8'th attempt to get sober this year. Everytime i encounter a different situation and fall back where i started...
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Old 02-16-2013, 02:18 AM
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I had no idea how to handle strong emotions without drinking either, good or bad emotions would lead to the same result - me drunk.

I had to force myself to face the fear, take a deep breath and reach out for help before I took the first drink.

It;s about me realising I've not a slave to my feelings - feelings are not facts.

It's about making different choices and having faith that there really is a better way for me to handle things.

what kind of support do you have WS? do you use it?

D
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Old 02-16-2013, 02:21 AM
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And another thing.
My withdrawal was always very mild, the first night i couldn't sleep then i got back to normal. No physical illness, not even a slight headache. It is all in my mind. When i'm in withdrawal the worst and the only things that happen to me are the cravings. I feel strong and healthy.

I can't compare to a lot of folks here who have to go trough hell in the first week.
And this is not good.
Because i'm not grateful for this. Even worse, i get the feeling "i don't have a problem" and "it seems like i can stop whenever i want" too often.
I never knew i will ever say this, but i want to have a bad withdrawal! I want something i'll remember when i will start to be confident and cocky again! And it will happen in 3 or 4 days again....
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Old 02-16-2013, 02:28 AM
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Thank you Dee74, i am doing this by myself. In my region there are not AA meetings, and the only support i can get is in an alcoholics hospital, 3 months of intensive treatment. And i obviously can't afford that, and can't afford losing my job or not paying my rent for 3 months. I live in a country where drinking is considered normal, and treatment is provided only for those with severe health problems who are in their final stage, sobriety or death. Unfortunately...
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Old 02-16-2013, 02:36 AM
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I'm a disabled guy - I'm pretty much housebound, I often have difficulty speaking with people...I live in a country where drinking heavily is normal and I works in areas where drinking was pretty much mandatory.

I've never been to AA or any kind of rehab or hospital.

I did want to change my life tho - and I didn't want to die.

Many many times reading or posting here, or speaking with people via PM (or chat even tho that wasn't available back then) helped me to make those different choices I spoke about.

If SR's not enough for you there are online meetings of most of the recovery groups - AA Smart, LifeRing - and there's some recovery methods like Rational Recovery, that aren't meeting based at all.

I found a way to recover.

I used to say there was nothing I could do - but there was.... if I really wanted to do it - y'know?

I believe there's a solution out there for you too WS...keep looking

D
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Old 02-16-2013, 02:37 AM
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Give it time and more drinking and I bet that wish will come true... Why wait though? It sounds like you want/need to quit bad enough anyway. Besides, even with a bad detox, even with major health problems you would still probably forget. It is the nature of how we deal with pain.

I totally relate to drinking on every single emotion though. Once I had committed to never drinking again and committed to not doubting myself whatever happened, I just started to recognise all those emotions and situations as conditioned responses. A sunny day, someone upsetting me at work, a stressful day, a celebration, every situation I would have drank in. I figured that once I had done all of them once without drinking it would be easier the next time, and the next time. And it is. But it takes a long time to go through all those firsts. Every one will make you stronger though. Focus on the positive things. I bet you got through some firsts sober in your attempts to quit drinking so far. It's still progress. Just keep trying. Oh, and the best advise anyone gave me here was that if I felt like drinking, tell someone about it first. In a way keeping it to ourselves gives the craving power, once we get it out there it's surprising how often it just slips away. And it consolidates your commitment to staying sober. Good luck x
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Old 02-16-2013, 03:00 AM
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I want to quit really bad because i realized that i started to have problems with relationing with others. And that's why i started to drink, i felt like it makes me talkative and more sociable. But i discovered the truth too late.
On the other hand i don't want to take any drugs, i have a really addictive personality, i abused barbiturates in the past.
So, no pills if i don't really need them.
My problem with sobriety is that i forget my reasons, how awful it feels the next morning, how decided i was to change my life.
And i need something for this "memory" problem.
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Old 02-16-2013, 03:11 AM
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Originally Posted by weirdesttoner View Post
My problem with sobriety is that i forget my reasons, how awful it feels the next morning, how decided i was to change my life.
And i need something for this "memory" problem.
It's not just your problem. Remembering the pain that drinking causes is a common trait among alcoholics. So is remembering what really happened the last time we said we were going to stop at two.
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Old 02-16-2013, 04:13 AM
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For me there were lots of off ramps or oppertunities i flew by where i could have stopped myself drinking .

1) going to where there is alcohol available when i'm feeling vunerable and with money
2) walking down the alcohol aisle
3) stopping and looking at the alcohol
4) picking up alcohol from off the shelf
5) putting it in my basket
6) going to the checkout
7) paying for it
8) picking it up and putting it in a bag
9) putting it in the boot of my car
10) driving home with it in the boot of my car
11) getting it out of the boot
12) bringing it in the house
13) unpacking it
14) opening it
15) lifting it to my lips
16) putting it in my mouth
17) swallowing
18) doing 14. 15 16 & 17 again and again .

All of these are big red stop signs for me . there are lots of them , each of them is an exit from the crazyness , i only ignore them if i let myself . these days i hardly ever get to 1 or 2 . It's not magic it just takes some concentration and focus of mind .

I hope you find a way to sort it out , M
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Old 02-16-2013, 08:32 AM
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Weirdest.... Do not be embarrassed . This thing is hard. I had a friend that worked for a liquor distributor. We used to talk about his job and the different things about it . But we always came back to that business ( alcohol distribution) is always needed. In good times and bad , people find a way to buy alcohol . To celebrate if your happy....or drown your sorrow. It is the nature of this BEAST!!!
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Old 02-16-2013, 09:08 AM
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I'm not sure it is just a memory problem. A lot of the time I think we use alcohol to avoid emotions etc and seeing it as a viable option isn't down to forgetting the pain it caused before but rather seeing alcohol as a cure all wonder drug. I think it takes practice to get rid of that thought. Things like thinking the drink through helps, it makes you remember. I am sure your memory isn't that bad that if you force yourself to think about it you can't remember a single incident where drinking caused you problems or pain Have you looked into any recovery programs before Weirdstoner? Maybe some anti brain washing stuff like Allen Carr's book 'easyway to stop drinking' might help, or look into AVRT or AA literature. Personally I have found it quite an laborious emotional process trying to figure out how not to drink. There's no short cuts to that bit, but as long as you are still actively going back to drinking you won't progress much. I really had to force myself to stop drinking and not pick it up again. It was hard but it gets easier and is very rewarding x
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