This is the 2nd longest I've been sober in 12 years...
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2
This is the 2nd longest I've been sober in 12 years...
...It's been 12 days...
It feels awkward for me to post in here, but I have no one to talk to about it. This is a first for me, and I don't really know where to start, so I'll start at the beginning. I'll try to shorten it, but it'll most likely be a short novel. I feel like it will be a good introduction from me to you and maybe give a little background of my addiction.
I started drinking heavily when I was 19 and started going out with my first, serious boyfriend. He was a moderately heavy drinker - also a musician, which meant gigs at bars & clubs, and I'm sure it must have been very exciting for me at the time to be able to get into these places without being carded, and having a few drinks.
Over the course of our 8 year relationship, alcohol was omnipresent. BBQs were constant, musical gigs were ongoing, basically we would find any excuse to drink...At the time I didn't think I had a problem, I thought it was all fun and games (it sure seemed that way) and I looked forward to hanging out with our friends and getting drunk. We drank at *least* 6 days a week. I think it was usually 7. During the relationship, I went from drinking 1 beer, to drinking 9 beers. Keep in mind, I'm a tiny thing. I don't think I weighed more than 100 pounds during that entire relationship.
We broke up in January of 2010. A few nights later (feeling depressed) I drove "our" car (a car registered to me, but paid for by him) to a dive bar and had 2 beers with a friend. Afterwards, I drove to another bar in a mall to meet some old high school classmates. At that bar I had 4 more beers and 2 shots of Patron (which i don't remember taking). I don't remember anything after that.
I don't remember leaving the bar, walking to my car, strapping myself in, or driving. All I know is I woke up sitting on a curb with the mall Security while my car was sandwiched and smoking underneath a concrete stairwell. I blacked out once again, and woke up strapped down in an ambulance. I blacked out yet again, and woke up in the Emergency Room where they were taking off my clothes. I remember being absolutely covered in shattered windshield glass, it was all in my pants and in my shirt and when they removed the clothing I could hear it tinkle as it hit the floor.
The nurses, doctors, and police officers told me I was lucky I didn't die. They said my car was totalled and that my roof had literally ripped off. They said if I had a passenger that night, they would have surely died. They also told me I had been 6 inches away from being decapitated, due to the nature of the accident with the concrete busting in the car the way it did.
After that I swore I would never drink again, and DEFINITELY that I wouldn't drink and drive again. I didn't keep the first promise (but I did keep the second). I started drinking again about 2 weeks after the car accident because I was depressed about what had happened, the breakup, the money I owed to my ex BF for the car, and the $500 i owed my best friend, who had to pay my tow bill.
I was convicted of a DUI (the 2nd level, as my alcohol percent was 3x the legal limit: .24%) and lost my license for 6 months, underwent evaluation (where it was deemed I was an alcohol "abuser", and attended alcohol classes amongst my numerous trips to the courthouse).
I moved to another place to escape the memory of the breakup and the accident, and I continued to drink nearly every single day, just a beer or two. Sometimes 3. I met my (current) boyfriend in this new place I moved to (NOT a drinker, thank goodness) and slowed down a bit... But being away from my mom, and still dealing with depression (from the accident) weighed on me, also being away from all of my friends was hard. And I slowly started drinking more and more. I drank anywhere from 2-4 beers consistently EVERY DAY for the 2 years I lived in that new place. My depression worsened. I had anxiety attacks. I had no friends.
4 months ago that boyfriend and I moved to a new place together. When we first got here I didn't drink for a week, I had a cold. As soon as I was better, I started up again -usually drinking 3-4 beers every single evening. And when I was broke and couldn't afford beer, I opened the "Crystal Head" (Vodka in a skull shaped bottle) that was purely for decoration, and finished it in 2 days. I continued to drink like this up until February 3rd, a Sunday. I couldn't even drink the 2nd beer I opened, I felt like it was making me nauseous. I think it was my body's way of telling me ENOUGH ALREADY.
And here I am. Since I've stopped, I've noticed an insane increase in my energy. And although I am lonely (I still have no girlfriends, actually no friends at all LOL) I feel more positive. I'm not as snappy or moody or angry. My depression has lifted tremendously, and I don't have to fake smile anymore.
However, I still think about cracking open a beer...It crosses my mind numerous times during the day. Especially when I listen to a song I really like (music & alcohol seem really connected for me), smoke a cigarette, have a stressed out moment, or as soon as 4pm hits...Will this get better? So far I've been strong, but I don't trust myself quite enough yet to know if I can handle this feeling eternally...
The liquor store is right down the street. Sometimes I drive past it and want to turn in so badly just out of habit. I know that the reasons I had such an affinity for drinking are deep rooted, most of them stem from lonliness and being so secluded with little to no social interaction ever since I moved after the car accident. I would drink all alone and listen to music, and would attempt to feel better.
If you've made it this far, i commend you and
for bearing with me. I'm happy to find a place like this.
It feels awkward for me to post in here, but I have no one to talk to about it. This is a first for me, and I don't really know where to start, so I'll start at the beginning. I'll try to shorten it, but it'll most likely be a short novel. I feel like it will be a good introduction from me to you and maybe give a little background of my addiction.
I started drinking heavily when I was 19 and started going out with my first, serious boyfriend. He was a moderately heavy drinker - also a musician, which meant gigs at bars & clubs, and I'm sure it must have been very exciting for me at the time to be able to get into these places without being carded, and having a few drinks.
Over the course of our 8 year relationship, alcohol was omnipresent. BBQs were constant, musical gigs were ongoing, basically we would find any excuse to drink...At the time I didn't think I had a problem, I thought it was all fun and games (it sure seemed that way) and I looked forward to hanging out with our friends and getting drunk. We drank at *least* 6 days a week. I think it was usually 7. During the relationship, I went from drinking 1 beer, to drinking 9 beers. Keep in mind, I'm a tiny thing. I don't think I weighed more than 100 pounds during that entire relationship.
We broke up in January of 2010. A few nights later (feeling depressed) I drove "our" car (a car registered to me, but paid for by him) to a dive bar and had 2 beers with a friend. Afterwards, I drove to another bar in a mall to meet some old high school classmates. At that bar I had 4 more beers and 2 shots of Patron (which i don't remember taking). I don't remember anything after that.
I don't remember leaving the bar, walking to my car, strapping myself in, or driving. All I know is I woke up sitting on a curb with the mall Security while my car was sandwiched and smoking underneath a concrete stairwell. I blacked out once again, and woke up strapped down in an ambulance. I blacked out yet again, and woke up in the Emergency Room where they were taking off my clothes. I remember being absolutely covered in shattered windshield glass, it was all in my pants and in my shirt and when they removed the clothing I could hear it tinkle as it hit the floor.
The nurses, doctors, and police officers told me I was lucky I didn't die. They said my car was totalled and that my roof had literally ripped off. They said if I had a passenger that night, they would have surely died. They also told me I had been 6 inches away from being decapitated, due to the nature of the accident with the concrete busting in the car the way it did.
After that I swore I would never drink again, and DEFINITELY that I wouldn't drink and drive again. I didn't keep the first promise (but I did keep the second). I started drinking again about 2 weeks after the car accident because I was depressed about what had happened, the breakup, the money I owed to my ex BF for the car, and the $500 i owed my best friend, who had to pay my tow bill.
I was convicted of a DUI (the 2nd level, as my alcohol percent was 3x the legal limit: .24%) and lost my license for 6 months, underwent evaluation (where it was deemed I was an alcohol "abuser", and attended alcohol classes amongst my numerous trips to the courthouse).
I moved to another place to escape the memory of the breakup and the accident, and I continued to drink nearly every single day, just a beer or two. Sometimes 3. I met my (current) boyfriend in this new place I moved to (NOT a drinker, thank goodness) and slowed down a bit... But being away from my mom, and still dealing with depression (from the accident) weighed on me, also being away from all of my friends was hard. And I slowly started drinking more and more. I drank anywhere from 2-4 beers consistently EVERY DAY for the 2 years I lived in that new place. My depression worsened. I had anxiety attacks. I had no friends.
4 months ago that boyfriend and I moved to a new place together. When we first got here I didn't drink for a week, I had a cold. As soon as I was better, I started up again -usually drinking 3-4 beers every single evening. And when I was broke and couldn't afford beer, I opened the "Crystal Head" (Vodka in a skull shaped bottle) that was purely for decoration, and finished it in 2 days. I continued to drink like this up until February 3rd, a Sunday. I couldn't even drink the 2nd beer I opened, I felt like it was making me nauseous. I think it was my body's way of telling me ENOUGH ALREADY.
And here I am. Since I've stopped, I've noticed an insane increase in my energy. And although I am lonely (I still have no girlfriends, actually no friends at all LOL) I feel more positive. I'm not as snappy or moody or angry. My depression has lifted tremendously, and I don't have to fake smile anymore.
However, I still think about cracking open a beer...It crosses my mind numerous times during the day. Especially when I listen to a song I really like (music & alcohol seem really connected for me), smoke a cigarette, have a stressed out moment, or as soon as 4pm hits...Will this get better? So far I've been strong, but I don't trust myself quite enough yet to know if I can handle this feeling eternally...
The liquor store is right down the street. Sometimes I drive past it and want to turn in so badly just out of habit. I know that the reasons I had such an affinity for drinking are deep rooted, most of them stem from lonliness and being so secluded with little to no social interaction ever since I moved after the car accident. I would drink all alone and listen to music, and would attempt to feel better.
If you've made it this far, i commend you and
for bearing with me. I'm happy to find a place like this.
I'm gonna try really hard!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
Welcome ladyvenom 
I think for 12 days you're doing great - it's pretty normal to 'still think about cracking open a beer'.
You don't have to 'handle it eternally' - you just have to handle it today
it will get easier and the urges will grow fainter and fainter, trust me
D
I think for 12 days you're doing great - it's pretty normal to 'still think about cracking open a beer'.
You don't have to 'handle it eternally' - you just have to handle it today
it will get easier and the urges will grow fainter and fainter, trust me
D
Saved By Grace
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Oop North, Furtlin' me Ferrets
Posts: 410
Wow LadyVenom thanks for sharing your struggles with alcohol. I also can relate to having alcohol being very fun. I have such fond memories of drinking 6-packs and listening to The Beatles for the first time while chatting with my soon to be girlfriend on the computer. That is a time in my life I can never return to. That was before I heard words like AA, alcoholism, addict, intervention, dry drunk. All that would come later.
I reached a point where drinking wasn't making me feel like it use to. Sure I would enjoy 15-30 minutes in when the buzz was at its peak. But it just seemed to last shorter and shorter and drinking became so boring and I often turned to drugs just to spice things up.
I remember all the empty bottles all over the place, feeling so bloated and disgusting, laying out like a dead whale on my bed. No energy, sleeping bad, going to sleep without brushing my teeth. I often drank to make life more fun and to feel good about myself and my life. Alcohol sort of became my go to thing and I loved how I just had to walk across the street and there was an assortment of alcoholic beverages for cheap.
There is a lot I liked about alcohol. But once you cross that line into dependence/alcoholism you start getting the consequences. It was the consequences that made me go to AA and get sober. It just seemed to get worse and worse. And I was able to get a month sober but when I rellapsed I went back to drinking even harder than before.
Old habbit die hard. and quiting drinking is really tough. Its unfortinitly super hard, and anyone who says its not is not a real addict in my opniion. But there is a way out, but you have to be willing to do a few things. Stick around SR and you will learn a lot about how people have been able to get longterm sobriety. Its basically AA, God, family/friends, etc. etc. There are different ways to get sober so you may have to give a few things a try. And if you don't get this your first time don't beat yourself up, its taken me like 3 years to get 5 months and its a daily struggle. But whats our alternative? Being addicted to alcohol is a serious deal. But its not hopeless. Welcome to SR.
I reached a point where drinking wasn't making me feel like it use to. Sure I would enjoy 15-30 minutes in when the buzz was at its peak. But it just seemed to last shorter and shorter and drinking became so boring and I often turned to drugs just to spice things up.
I remember all the empty bottles all over the place, feeling so bloated and disgusting, laying out like a dead whale on my bed. No energy, sleeping bad, going to sleep without brushing my teeth. I often drank to make life more fun and to feel good about myself and my life. Alcohol sort of became my go to thing and I loved how I just had to walk across the street and there was an assortment of alcoholic beverages for cheap.
There is a lot I liked about alcohol. But once you cross that line into dependence/alcoholism you start getting the consequences. It was the consequences that made me go to AA and get sober. It just seemed to get worse and worse. And I was able to get a month sober but when I rellapsed I went back to drinking even harder than before.
Old habbit die hard. and quiting drinking is really tough. Its unfortinitly super hard, and anyone who says its not is not a real addict in my opniion. But there is a way out, but you have to be willing to do a few things. Stick around SR and you will learn a lot about how people have been able to get longterm sobriety. Its basically AA, God, family/friends, etc. etc. There are different ways to get sober so you may have to give a few things a try. And if you don't get this your first time don't beat yourself up, its taken me like 3 years to get 5 months and its a daily struggle. But whats our alternative? Being addicted to alcohol is a serious deal. But its not hopeless. Welcome to SR.
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