Made it 2 weeks! Hurray!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 539
Made it 2 weeks! Hurray!
Well to say that I underestimated my “binge-drinking” would be a huge understatement. But I suppose that’s normal.
So I’m going to say it. Here it goes.
Hi. My name is ArcticSA and I’m an alcoholic.
And it took quitting to realize that. Interesting. It’s very humbling isn’t it? To be struggling every day, all day, facing obstacles I never thought I would, thinking things I never thought I would think. All the while it is dawning on me that crap, I do have an addiction.
Normal drinkers don’t count the days, hours, minutes of time they’ve been sober. Normal drinkers don’t get wildly giddy and proud when day 14 FINALLY comes up and they can go share the AMAZING news with fellow alcys!!
I have learned so much. More than I wanted to really. I learned that I will be dealing with this battle for the rest of my life and that sucks, it really does. But you know that is a heck of a lot better than living the rest of my life the way I was.
In retrospect, I can’t believe I was considering that life. It makes me shudder. How could I put my body through that? This body that is working so hard for me now, getting stronger, healthier, feeling younger. I can practically feel every fiber of my body screaming “Thank You,Thank You!” It’s like everything is going back to how it should be
.
I can think back to me hung-over and it makes me cringe. How, how, how did I make it through my days like that? I see now I was in a fog of denial, anger, and depression. I was just so numb.
My first few days of sobriety were terrible spirals of intense cravings and longings and regret and second-guessing myself. But now it’s like my mind has cleared. I am definitely no longer numb. I am the opposite of numb! I mean there are good moments and bad moments, but I would say 70% good. Like the kind of good where I am so ecstatic I want to jump and sing, and hug everyone, and thank God for giving me the strength to do this. My low moments are when life gets hard and stressful and oh how nice it would be to just have a couple glasses of Shiraz, but I know I can’t. There are some close friends of ours that because of me, the friendship was ruined, and it was because of alcohol, and it breaks my heart to know it was my fault. The sad thing is I when I was drinking I did not think it was my fault, because of those not-so-rose tinted glasses. Now that I’m sober, it’s very clear, and I’m very ashamed.
I regret those wasted years of feeling like crap all day long. And the stupid, stupid things I did while drunk that could’ve got me killed. But when I know I cannot dwell on the past, I also know I cannot dwell on the future, because that is just too overwhelming.
My days are 100% different now. And the changes happened so fast. This new me has so much energy it’s insane. I play more, I laugh(genuinely) more, I love more. Sleep has become so amazing in the past few days I can’t believe it. My dreams are so vivid and real and I find myself actually making up word games in my head and solving them! If I wake up in the middle of the night its not because I am powerfully thirsty and stiff, it’s because I just came up with an answer to a nagging question/problem I’ve had all day, or because I just had a really great idea! Haha
I don’t crave McDonalds anymore. At all. How did I eat that stuff?? I have lost 9 pounds. My face has shrunk and lost all the red blotchiness. I have been going and doing stuff…in the EVENING!! There are hours of time at night that were just wasted being wasted!
I don’t ever want to go back to what I was. And as great as sobriety is now, I’m afraid down the road, I’m going try and convince myself it’s OK to have a few now. I was planning on drinking on my anniversary in June. Now? It seems like flirting with disaster, playing with fire. I don’t think I could live with myself if I relapsed. Last night for date night we were on our way to a movie and I realized that it had never occurred to me to have drinks. Just a little over 3 weeks ago date night meant get even drunker than usual night, skip the movie, can’t drink there, let’s go to the bar!
So progress is definitely being made. And I know I’m still a newbie and have sooo much to learn and go through, but the funny thing is, I feel like I have been sober FORever! When I drive by the bars and see drunk people smoking and cackling, I must admit I feel somewhat haughty, like, “oh glad that’s not me!”…But it IS me really. That was me last MONTH! So yeah, I need to watch my pride. I am proud. But can’t be prideful, because that’s when you fall.
So that’s my story!!
Sober date Feb.2nd 2013
So I’m going to say it. Here it goes.
Hi. My name is ArcticSA and I’m an alcoholic.
And it took quitting to realize that. Interesting. It’s very humbling isn’t it? To be struggling every day, all day, facing obstacles I never thought I would, thinking things I never thought I would think. All the while it is dawning on me that crap, I do have an addiction.
Normal drinkers don’t count the days, hours, minutes of time they’ve been sober. Normal drinkers don’t get wildly giddy and proud when day 14 FINALLY comes up and they can go share the AMAZING news with fellow alcys!!
I have learned so much. More than I wanted to really. I learned that I will be dealing with this battle for the rest of my life and that sucks, it really does. But you know that is a heck of a lot better than living the rest of my life the way I was.
In retrospect, I can’t believe I was considering that life. It makes me shudder. How could I put my body through that? This body that is working so hard for me now, getting stronger, healthier, feeling younger. I can practically feel every fiber of my body screaming “Thank You,Thank You!” It’s like everything is going back to how it should be
.
I can think back to me hung-over and it makes me cringe. How, how, how did I make it through my days like that? I see now I was in a fog of denial, anger, and depression. I was just so numb.
My first few days of sobriety were terrible spirals of intense cravings and longings and regret and second-guessing myself. But now it’s like my mind has cleared. I am definitely no longer numb. I am the opposite of numb! I mean there are good moments and bad moments, but I would say 70% good. Like the kind of good where I am so ecstatic I want to jump and sing, and hug everyone, and thank God for giving me the strength to do this. My low moments are when life gets hard and stressful and oh how nice it would be to just have a couple glasses of Shiraz, but I know I can’t. There are some close friends of ours that because of me, the friendship was ruined, and it was because of alcohol, and it breaks my heart to know it was my fault. The sad thing is I when I was drinking I did not think it was my fault, because of those not-so-rose tinted glasses. Now that I’m sober, it’s very clear, and I’m very ashamed.
I regret those wasted years of feeling like crap all day long. And the stupid, stupid things I did while drunk that could’ve got me killed. But when I know I cannot dwell on the past, I also know I cannot dwell on the future, because that is just too overwhelming.
My days are 100% different now. And the changes happened so fast. This new me has so much energy it’s insane. I play more, I laugh(genuinely) more, I love more. Sleep has become so amazing in the past few days I can’t believe it. My dreams are so vivid and real and I find myself actually making up word games in my head and solving them! If I wake up in the middle of the night its not because I am powerfully thirsty and stiff, it’s because I just came up with an answer to a nagging question/problem I’ve had all day, or because I just had a really great idea! Haha
I don’t crave McDonalds anymore. At all. How did I eat that stuff?? I have lost 9 pounds. My face has shrunk and lost all the red blotchiness. I have been going and doing stuff…in the EVENING!! There are hours of time at night that were just wasted being wasted!
I don’t ever want to go back to what I was. And as great as sobriety is now, I’m afraid down the road, I’m going try and convince myself it’s OK to have a few now. I was planning on drinking on my anniversary in June. Now? It seems like flirting with disaster, playing with fire. I don’t think I could live with myself if I relapsed. Last night for date night we were on our way to a movie and I realized that it had never occurred to me to have drinks. Just a little over 3 weeks ago date night meant get even drunker than usual night, skip the movie, can’t drink there, let’s go to the bar!
So progress is definitely being made. And I know I’m still a newbie and have sooo much to learn and go through, but the funny thing is, I feel like I have been sober FORever! When I drive by the bars and see drunk people smoking and cackling, I must admit I feel somewhat haughty, like, “oh glad that’s not me!”…But it IS me really. That was me last MONTH! So yeah, I need to watch my pride. I am proud. But can’t be prideful, because that’s when you fall.
So that’s my story!!
Sober date Feb.2nd 2013
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 539
Originally Posted by Gilmer 
Congratulations! Don't have that anniversary drink--that was a downfall for me last August.
Did your anniversary drink lead you to a whole relapse?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 16
ArcticSA
Glad you finally understood your addiction, that will help you long way in recovery. We will stay addict, probably forever but knowing that gives you better chance to come out on winning side with addiction battle.
Good luck
Glad you finally understood your addiction, that will help you long way in recovery. We will stay addict, probably forever but knowing that gives you better chance to come out on winning side with addiction battle.
Good luck
Re-Tread
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Meditation
Posts: 1,300
Hi Artic! Great to hear all this. I wondered about you. I have realized more each day and week sober how addicted I became. This sober lifestyle is not easy but its so worth it!
You sound great
You sound great
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2
Wow! That is fantastic that you are so excited about your recovery! Addiction sucks, but it's here to stay and we have to learn how to be functioning, happy adults. There are times I've wanted a drink, but by the grace of God I didn't. Keep up the work!! You are inspiring others with your story!!😀😀
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,526
I loved that post! So much of what you said is exactly the way I felt when I first came out of the fog. It's insane what we put ourselves through, trying to have fun and relax. In the end, it's nothing but misery, danger, and a total waste of time. Wish it hadn't taken me so long to admit it. Happy for you Arctic!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
