2stressed

Hello,
I'm not sure what I hope to gain by telling some of my story, but at this point I am open to any suggestions or feedback God wants to send my way. I have been in recovery for 17 years and it has changed my life. I have grown and changed and want to continue to do so. Unfortunately, my disease is ever present constantly waiting for an opportunity to sneak up on me. At 8 years clean I found myself in a normal everyday situation that ended up with me using for the last almost 6 years while continuing to make meetings. The guilt and the shame have been horrible but nothing is stronger than my disease and even though I prayed and begged for the willingness to stop I was not able to until now.
I sat down with my sponsor first and then she and I met with my sponsees. It has been a relief to get honest and they have been so supportive. I am blessed to have a wonderful support system. I am looking into detox facilities in Georgia and was wondering if anyone has some places to suggest that might be healing for my spirit as well as my body. I have been taking about 100mg maybe more of Adderall a day and 40-50mg of methadone a day.

Besides my addiction I have been taking care of my husband who suffered a traumatic brain injury almost 3 years ago, along with all the lawyers, insurance, long term disability paperwork, finances and 3 kids, one of which is 11 and she has started cutting herself. Regardless of what it may sound like, we are a loving family and my daughter has been a handful since the day she showed up. She definitely shows many signs of addictive behavior and we have been going to counseling. I have a great support system in that area too. What I'm saying though is I'm soooo tired. Even before my husbands accident and before I relapsed I have not been able to count on him for any type of help with the kids nor emotional support for me. I've basically been a single parent. I'm tired....I wanted to try to find somewhere not just to detox but to get away with maybe a nice serene healing environment. I don't feel entitled by any means but I am hopeful. Regardless, I am going somewhere this next week sometime, so if u have any suggestions I would love to hear them.

Thanks & God Bless

Windancer

Welcome to SR. This is a wonderful place to get things off your chest and destress
Im glad you are taking time for yourself to detox. In my humble opinion, you sound like you desperately need some "me time" and long term self care.
You can do this! Im very glad you seem to have a good support system.

Anna

Welcome!

Being a parent of three young children is tiring, of course, and especially with your circumstances, it must be very tiring. I'm so glad that you decided to open up about what you were doing as that will be the first step towards getting well. It's good that you have therapy for yourself and your children.

wpainterw

Good luck on everything. Sounds like you need a rest and some quiet time. Perhaps some counselor or your sponsor can help you settle on a place to go for that. Do keep posting and let us know how you get along with your recovery.

W.

pink79coach

Your post touched my heart. U sound like u need a big hug. Remember. God loves to take a mess and create a beautiful message.

Ill be praying for u and ur family. Cutting is a scrary trend. Self hatred so they cut.

Big hug

bellajo618

I understand completely what you are going through.

I don't know any GA rehabs, but there is a nice one in South Florida called The Watershed. The really work on you and you can transition from the main facility into an apartment type living. i stayed a total of 3 months. My addiction was so tough, I didn't want to go to group or talk or work on me, but the staff wouldn't give up on me, and I am grateful. Best wishes, you can do this.

sobrietygrl4

You mentioned that you don't feel 'entitled'. Entitled means that you think you deserve something. You ARE entitled. You are entitled to getting healthy, feeling better, and becoming the strong provider that you clearly have been. Putting your recovery first so that you can be the person that you need to be for a family that seems to be in some turmoil is the most selfless thing that you could do. I wish you lots of love and hope that you can get back to the place that you were. Cunning, baffling, and powerful, right?

2stressed

I am touched beyond words. Nobody understands like another addict I have gotten better at taking care of myself over my years in recovery, but it is my nature to take care of others. Up until about the last month or two I have been taking care of things OK, although I know I could have been doing better if I was clean, but I just couldn't leave my kids and feel ok about it until now. My daughter has been so hurt by her dad that she wouldn't even look him in the eye when he talked to her and it wasn't because of behavior from the head injury it was from the continual neglect. That situation is a "little" bit better though so I felt like this is my chance to take one time for me. I know there will never be a "perfect time" and I just can't wait anymore. I'm a real mess! Lol

Thank you all for your kind words and hugs. I truly need them desperately and I will keep you posted on my progress. I wish you all happiness on your journey!

bemyself

2Stressed, I can't help you as the others can with recommendations about serene time out places for you in the US - I'm in Australia.

However, I just want you to know that you are in my thoughts, and those of many others here. SR is a community of people in several countries and time zones, which is really lovely.

I'm so glad you know, deep in yourself, that It's Time for you to get away and have some real-time support, peace, and an avenue of hope.

The kids - and your hubby - will, in fact, be OK. Us women - to be blunt - just try to do far too much for every one. This time is yours, for now.
x
Vic