no recovery
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 249
no recovery
There is no recovery, nor help, nor anything anyone can do for you, nor you for anyone, unless one is willing to receive it.
I made the decision to return to using, just a little bit. Which of course quickly escalated into the pursuit of my drug of choice. So I drove the 60 miles to get it. I'd not been up there in four years.
A stranger answered the door. I asked if my friend was there. No he wasn't. My friend died. He was mixing painkillers and alcohol, along with other drugs, in the end his liver failed him. He was 45.
I made the decision to return to using, just a little bit. Which of course quickly escalated into the pursuit of my drug of choice. So I drove the 60 miles to get it. I'd not been up there in four years.
A stranger answered the door. I asked if my friend was there. No he wasn't. My friend died. He was mixing painkillers and alcohol, along with other drugs, in the end his liver failed him. He was 45.
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Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 249
This is hard. Because he was my supplier, and no-one knows I was messing around with using again, there's no-one I can talk to about this. It's just another secret. I'm drowning in secrets. I don't know what comes next. Relentless indeed.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
The main symptom of my disease of alcoholism is the fact that there is no "little bit". I will be sober or drunk (dead).
I had to surrender to the program of Alcoholics Anonymous to acquire sobriety... to overcome drunkenness and death.
I wish you the best.
Bob R
I had to surrender to the program of Alcoholics Anonymous to acquire sobriety... to overcome drunkenness and death.
I wish you the best.
Bob R
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 249
Each time I attempt to reach for help something stops me. Maybe it's just me not wanting help; that could be, and probably is. Or I think I'm asking for help but it isn't heard. Again, probably just not conveying myself strongly enough.
My friend did not ask for anyone's help. He died alone. Self-isolated and alone.
My friend did not ask for anyone's help. He died alone. Self-isolated and alone.
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
Asking for help isn't enough. We have to help ourselves. Do the work of recovery ourselves and be willing to experience life without the blanket of drugs.
Otherwise, what happens is that you follow your friend to the grave in a stupor of pills, booze, illness and vomit.
I spent a lot of time crying out for help and wondering why I wasn't getting any better and why no one was saving me. I realize now that I had to learn to swim on my own or I'd never get anywhere.
This is my life, if I'm not fully invested in it, why should anyone else be?
Otherwise, what happens is that you follow your friend to the grave in a stupor of pills, booze, illness and vomit.
I spent a lot of time crying out for help and wondering why I wasn't getting any better and why no one was saving me. I realize now that I had to learn to swim on my own or I'd never get anywhere.
This is my life, if I'm not fully invested in it, why should anyone else be?
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
Originally Posted by andisa 
There is no recovery, nor help, nor anything anyone can do for you, nor you for anyone, unless one is willing to receive it.
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