Mid-day ramblings on the way to a meeting.
 

I'm heading off to an AA meeting (husband is joining me, bless him), and I've been feeling pretty good this morning. I was thinking that's a good sign, feeling good on day 3 which can be a difficult one for me - then I realised that I'd made it to day 5 earlier this week before I chucked it in. So then I felt the anxiety rising, thinking, oh, I haven't even gotten to the hard bit yet; how am I going to get through this? And then I began worrying that the AA meeting will bring up my anxiety as well, as they sometimes do. Listening to so many stories sometimes leads me to wallow rather than find inspiration. Anyway, I'm still going to the meeting because I'd rather get one in when I'm feeling semi-okay rather than over the weekend when I may be finding things really difficult, so that I can hopefully gain some strength from it now to help me through.

I'm rambling a bit but just wanted to get that pang of anxiety out of my head and into the ether.

xx

I'm glad getting through Day 3 and feeling well. Maybe you can make some plans for the weekend to help distract you from drinking?

You weren't rambling, kizzie. The first weeks are usually filled with anxiety and doubt. Everything will get better and easier as you get some sober time behind you. One day these uncomfortable times will just be a dim memory. You're doing great in seeking a better life for you and your family. Most of what you're feeling is normal - I know it certainly was for me.

I hope your meeting goes better than you expect it to. Take it easy on yourself and be patient as you heal from all you've been through. Let us know how it's going when you get back.

Hope your meeting was useful. Has your husband attended with you before?

Hey, cool name :) congrats on day 3 it's lovely that your hubby is supportive, it may be a slightly bumpy road but it leads to a great place.

The best ramblings to have are the ones on the way to the meetings !!

You make plans to keep attending those meetings and sobriety will come along with it.

Do what the good oldtimers in your group have done and you'll be an oldtimer yourself one day.

All the best.

Bob R

Thanks all. Nonsensical, DH went to one or two meetings with me when I was beginning this journey for the first time 3 years ago, and he said the same thing today that he did at that first one - that he thinks of AA as a group of salty, grizzled old men and how surprising it is to see just your normal, everyday people at a meeting, young & old, men & women, those you'd never suspect had these sorts of demons to deal with. I think he got at least as much out of it as I did.

It was a lovely group of people and I did get a lot out of the meeting. I spent the first twenty minutes aggravated at the meeting layout and format (seated in a circle, going around the room in order rather than volunteer speaking and rows of seats). I wanted to be able to hide in the back lol. But once I got over myself and just listened it was better. A bit overwhelming at the end when a well-meaning woman chatted at me and DH for 20 minutes about the program. Anyway, it's done, I feel okay and not too jittery, just a bit mentally exhausted (which is how I always feel after meeting new people). I will tick that meeting in my book as a good one to get to in the future. Frankly, I get riled when they get to the bit in the preliminary reading, "Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves," since I don't see AA as my only path to recovery, but I get a lot out of the ID meetings so I'll continue to go with some regularity.

Anna, I haven't come up with any plans for the weekend yet. I don't trust myself on my own so it'll have to be a family outing - not a bad thing on a sunny summer weekend in Melbourne. :)

So great that you have a supportive husband. Sometimes meetings have a similar effect on me. Occasionally I feel that stories and such make me want to go back out even more, but I try to focus on the things I hear that keep me sober. I actually keep a list (on my phone) of little quotes that I hear in the meetings that I like that help me. Some of the ones I have written down recently:

This isn't worth losing my sobriety over
Examine my motives
We are the makers of our own misery
Focusing on staying sober today

Anyway I like it cause it gives me something to listen for during meetings and allows me something to look back on later when I'm struggling. Stay strong, even only at day 9 I feel worlds better.

I've just had some more thoughts about the meeting today. The woman who talked with us after the meeting was so impressed by DH for coming with me to the meeting, and suggested Al-Anon to him. He seemed receptive and I was surprised by that. Anyway, she also kept going on about how all alcoholics are selfish and how selfish she can be etc etc. I realise now that rubbed me the wrong way because while I know in theory lol that all alcoholics are selfish, one of my justifications for drinking has always been that I'm so busy doing things for other people (my parents, my husband, my stepson, and most recently my own child) that I 'deserve' a break, to relax with a glass of wine which inevitable turns into a bottle. So I think she was actually threatening to my AV, the one who spouts off all that baloney to me toget me to take a drink against my better judgment. I'll be going to that meeting again for sure. Luckily it meets every weekday at the same time. :)

Rambling is brilliant. I find the majority of my time the best shares I hear in meetings are just jumbled ramblings. Every now and again someone will be rambling and something golden will pop out of their share.

Natom.

Thanks for the update. Awesome that your husband went, too. My wife attended a few meetings with me some years back, and it was an eye-opener for her to discover so many people, from all walks of life, who lacked the 'off' switch like I do.

The pursuit of drinking over job,family, health is aptly described as selfish, I think. Rational Recovery refers to Addicted Spouse or Significant Other, or ASS for short. Rather fitting, I thought. :)

Hi Kizzie,

Glad you got to the meeting. I am also from Melbourne although I don't live there now.

When I first started going to meetings, I would easily get irritated by people and didn't really understand what was going on. Its only until I started the actual program and doing the steps that things started to turn around for me, it also needed sober time.

What seemed to be overwhelming, everyday tasks and work are just a breeze now I can't believe I used to reward myself a beer at a time when I cleaned the house!!!

All the best
CaiHong