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Old 02-13-2013, 04:21 PM
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Completely new to this

Hi, nice to meet you all!

I feel quite a bit younger and less seriously affected than the average problem drinker, but please bear with me anyways!

I've been drinking every day, with only a few exceptions (and also mostly alone), more or less the last six months. I became a heavier drinker during my relationship with my ex, whose family and friends were quite active drinkers. After a while, I learned that wine helped soothe my depression and anxiety (caused mostly by my not being happy in the relationship).

After a while my boyfriend broke up with me for being crazy and unmanageable, and my mental disorders went away more or less with the relationship, which was great. But I kept on drinking, in increasing amounts. I didn't cry when I was drunk, and I wasn't angry. It felt wonderful having a cure for every bad feeling in the world. But wine's expensive. It made me hungover. My mother (I still live at home) started worrying about my empty bottles and red wine teeth. I achieved this very interesting reputation regarding being drunk all the time. My friends worried too (and still do).

Of practical reasons, I hadn't been able to drink 23. December, and on Christmas Eve with my family, I felt like ****. I felt nauseous and wanted to throw up all the time. At the main family gathering during my 18th Christmas, all I could think of was when I could get home and drink the bottle of wine I knew I had in my room. But I didn't mind. I just wanted to get drunk and feel good again.

Later, I've tried to quit. I tried this week, had my last drink on Sunday. But today, three days after, I'm drinking again. Nearly throwing up in History class just doesn't work for me. Also I'm going to a party on Saturday, on which I know I will drink.

So I guess that's what I'm here for. How do I do this? I can't cope with feeling so immensly bad when it only takes a drink to make it pass. How do I develop the willpower I need to not go to the liquor store three days a week? Most of my social life revolves around drinking, how can I sober up and still have friends? Can I maybe only cut down on the drinking, and not quit entirely? Please help me. I think I'm on a road going somewhere bad and I don't know what to do.
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Old 02-13-2013, 04:30 PM
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Welcome, Carmen!

The way to get off that bad road is to stop drinking.

Why are you planning on drinking on Saturday?

And regarding cutting back or tapering off, most sober people around here disagree with those ideas.
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Old 02-13-2013, 04:36 PM
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Thank you for sharing so much, sounds like you are ready to admit you are powerless over the alcohol. Time to work on your plan, you sound ready!
~Peace
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Old 02-13-2013, 04:46 PM
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Thank you so much for answering me, Coldfusion!

The thing is, I live in Norway, and Norwegian drinking culture is a rather harsh one, binge drinking pretty much Friday-Sunday most weekends. This is considered normal and almost healthy teenage behaviour. And with my being "Russ" this year (Norwegian graduation year tradition involving lots of alcohol and lasting pretty much all last year), it's kind of expected of me. Also I paid for the party entrance weeks ago, which was quite expensive. I wish I could break this weekend drinking patterns, but you know - peer pressure and all, it's hard to not go when all my friends are going, and horribly difficult to not drink when I'm there, simply because there's booze available and...yeah. If I wasn't going I'd probably end up with my good ole bottle of red wine alone in my room anyways, just for feeling left out.

How would any of you more experienced people handle this? There'll always be a party I'll feel like I have to go to, you know. Should I just... stay home? If so, how do I avoid drinking at home? How do I ever avoid drinking at all? That would be a start, I suppose. Thanks!
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Old 02-13-2013, 04:49 PM
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Thanks, YouRmySunshine!

I don't know if I'll ever really _feel_ ready, but I guess I am, like you're saying. Thank you so much for your support!
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Old 02-13-2013, 04:50 PM
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Hi and welcome Carmen - sounds like you need more sober support - they must have AA or something like that there, yeah?

D
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Old 02-13-2013, 05:02 PM
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Originally Posted by carmen66 View Post
The thing is, I live in Norway, and Norwegian drinking culture is a rather harsh one, binge drinking pretty much Friday-Sunday most weekends. This is considered normal and almost healthy teenage behaviour.
People who live where I do often describe this place as "A small drinking island with a fishing problem."

But there is a sober world here. It is certainly a much safer and healthier place than the alcoholic world. And yes we have fun--but don't take my word for it, seek out this sober world and give it a try.

If you don't like the sober world, you have already proven that you can be an alcoholic.
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Old 02-13-2013, 05:12 PM
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
Hi and welcome Carmen - sounds like you need more sober support - they must have AA or something like that there, yeah?

D
Hi, and thanks!

I know there's some meetings here and there, but considering my young age and the size of this town I'm living in I don't know how appropriate or comfortable it would be for me to show up.
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Old 02-13-2013, 05:20 PM
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Originally Posted by Coldfusion View Post
People who live where I do often describe this place as "A small drinking island with a fishing problem."

But there is a sober world here. It is certainly a much safer and healthier place than the alcoholic world. And yes we have fun--but don't take my word for it, seek out this sober world and give it a try.

If you don't like the sober world, you have already proven that you can be an alcoholic.
Haha, I can relate to that quote!

And I'm sure there exists a sober world, but I just don't know what I would do in it. I can't imagine being with my friends without drinking (even though I'm often the only one doing so), and I can't imagine being sober on a Tuesday and not feeling something's missing. I need my daily episode of the stupid sitcom I'm currently watching, and I need it with a glass of wine. What does one really do, when being, and staying, sober?
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Old 02-13-2013, 05:24 PM
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Welcome Carmen,
The road you mentioned is a bad road. This is a progressive disease so even though you don't feel seriously affected - it can hit you fast, and it sounds like it is already well on the way. It just gets worse. When I was getting to a point where i though i needed some help i called a drug counselor. She told me it was going to get worse. She kind of pissed me off and I didn't want to believe her but months later i realized she was right. By then I was drinking and driving, and drinking at work. I ended up in rehab.

I drank heavy at the end of my teens then had a family and quit for about 12 years. Thought nothing of it until I picked up again and it all came back. Everyone has their own road but were all very similar. It is a progressive disease and it doesn't go away.

Lot's of sober people here wanting to help. Good Luck!
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Old 02-13-2013, 05:25 PM
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Originally Posted by carmen66 View Post
I know there's some meetings here and there, but considering my young age and the size of this town I'm living in I don't know how appropriate or comfortable it would be for me to show up.
I would suggest giving NA or AA a call. They will know what local resources are available.

There are some very young members in our AA group, but this is a small island and I know there are many who don't want to come to meetings.
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Old 02-13-2013, 05:39 PM
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Originally Posted by PreciousKitty View Post
Welcome Carmen,
The road you mentioned is a bad road. This is a progressive disease so even though you don't feel seriously affected - it can hit you fast, and it sounds like it is already well on the way. It just gets worse. When I was getting to a point where i though i needed some help i called a drug counselor. She told me it was going to get worse. She kind of pissed me off and I didn't want to believe her but months later i realized she was right. By then I was drinking and driving, and drinking at work. I ended up in rehab.

I drank heavy at the end of my teens then had a family and quit for about 12 years. Thought nothing of it until I picked up again and it all came back. Everyone has their own road but were all very similar. It is a progressive disease and it doesn't go away.

Lot's of sober people here wanting to help. Good Luck!
Thank you so much for your response, PreciousKitty!

Thinking of it like this, like an actual disease, makes me really nervous. (And your story probably mirrors the way I would have reacted to some kind of counselor telling me what to do at this point also.) As you say, I don't feel like it's too serious, but at the same time I know my life has changed a lot since I started drinking. Thanks a lot for the insightful comment.
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Old 02-13-2013, 05:40 PM
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Welcome Carmen and congratulations on your graduation year!

I'm afraid I can't offer much practical advice on how to stop and stay stopped, as I'm only just beginning Day 5 myself in yet another attempt to stop. I'm still finding my way myself. But I feel like I can relate to a few things you say, so I just wanted to offer my support.

I'm currently suffering from depression and when I was drinking, I also felt like the red wine was soothing it. In my experience, however, the drink eventually made me even more depressed.

I also found my wine habit to be expensive and my hangovers were so bad that I wouldn't be able to work because of them, so I lost even more money by not working.

When I was living at home, my mum would also mention the amount of empty wine bottles littering my room. My friends knew me as their "favourite drunken lush". I am not proud of the fact that I was basically a laughing stock. But in your case, it sounds like your friends and family are genuinely worried for you though. I hope you feel you can count on them for support through this.

Here in the UK, there's also a big drinking culture, though perhaps not as big as some other countries. In mainstream culture, certain demographics think it's very "cool" to get wasted/loaded/trollied/****faced at weekends. They call it having "a big night out" but basically, yes, it's just binge drinking to the point where a lot of people vomit on the streets.

But similar to what Coldfusion said, I believe there is a sober subculture/counterculture out there. I've always thought countercultures were the real "cool" but I guess I've always been a rebel! And now I'm rebelling against the UK's validation of regular binge drinking - or trying to.

Anyway, whatever you decide to do, I hope it's what's best for you, your health and your happiness. You deserve the best! Good luck!
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Old 02-13-2013, 05:45 PM
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Originally Posted by Coldfusion View Post
I would suggest giving NA or AA a call. They will know what local resources are available.

There are some very young members in our AA group, but this is a small island and I know there are many who don't want to come to meetings.
So I guess this is the next step, actually contacting someone for help. Scary as ****, I must say. But I suppose just talking to someone with the right qualifications about where I am and what I can do would help a lot.
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Old 02-13-2013, 06:10 PM
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Originally Posted by Louise82 View Post
Welcome Carmen and congratulations on your graduation year!

I'm afraid I can't offer much practical advice on how to stop and stay stopped, as I'm only just beginning Day 5 myself in yet another attempt to stop. I'm still finding my way myself. But I feel like I can relate to a few things you say, so I just wanted to offer my support.

I'm currently suffering from depression and when I was drinking, I also felt like the red wine was soothing it. In my experience, however, the drink eventually made me even more depressed.

I also found my wine habit to be expensive and my hangovers were so bad that I wouldn't be able to work because of them, so I lost even more money by not working.

When I was living at home, my mum would also mention the amount of empty wine bottles littering my room. My friends knew me as their "favourite drunken lush". I am not proud of the fact that I was basically a laughing stock. But in your case, it sounds like your friends and family are genuinely worried for you though. I hope you feel you can count on them for support through this.

Here in the UK, there's also a big drinking culture, though perhaps not as big as some other countries. In mainstream culture, certain demographics think it's very "cool" to get wasted/loaded/trollied/****faced at weekends. They call it having "a big night out" but basically, yes, it's just binge drinking to the point where a lot of people vomit on the streets.

But similar to what Coldfusion said, I believe there is a sober subculture/counterculture out there. I've always thought countercultures were the real "cool" but I guess I've always been a rebel! And now I'm rebelling against the UK's validation of regular binge drinking - or trying to.

Anyway, whatever you decide to do, I hope it's what's best for you, your health and your happiness. You deserve the best! Good luck!
Thanks a lot, and congratulations on your Day 5 no matter what!

Sorry, but I just have to repeat: Thanks a lot! Thanks for sharing, and for helping me one step closer to realizing I'm not alone in all this. I can absolutely see the similarities in our stories, and that's an invaluable support in itself.

I know my mother is worried, but I can't even think of laying this on her because of her own depression and general overprotectional tendencies. She'd think it was all her fault and go about blaming herself every second of every day. And my friends do worry too, but this has proven to not be a subject easy to talk about out in the open - it's usually cut off with a joke of some kind. I guess they would support me if I asked them to, but at the same time I know they would have trouble with what to say and how to act around me.

I can also recognize the rebel part in your story! I've always been attracted to and sought after the "dark and illegal" subcultures, but it's interesting to think of sobering up as an act of rebellion against the validation of binge drinking. It's only a matter of perspective I guess!

Thank you (again!) for your kind words and support, and I wish you the best of luck!
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Old 02-13-2013, 06:13 PM
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I want to say welcome too, Carmen.

I think it's amazing that you're taking action now - at such a young age - and not insisting you can handle it on your own. How I wish I'd done that. My life would have been so different. We're so glad you've reached out for help and support. You won't ever regret it.
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Old 02-13-2013, 06:17 PM
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If you cant cope with feeling so bad, then I hope you can cope with feeling incredibly good. Making the decision to cut back or quit is on your own. A good way to look at it is by how much its affecting your behavior and mood. If you plan your whole day just around drinking, if you find you need one just to feel normal, if you isolate like crazy just to drink then it might be a good time to become a non-drinker for good.

Willpower takes time to build, but it starts the moment you put down. Its very interesting the rewards you reap once this happens, because it brings different clarity and perspective to your life.

Ask yourself "What does drinking give me?". If your social life evolves around it and your truely committed to stopping, then Id get some distance for a bit to find non-drinking support. In many cases, booze is a great social lubricant which distracts us from bigger underlying problem such as fear of rejection. Quitting will also kind of "test" your friends. If your friends had you best interest in mind, would they let you do this to yourself? Even after you explained to them to respect your wishes?

Being halfway in the door from cutting down and stopping is a big deal, staying there will only get you hurt. Its best to decide what you really, really want for yourself but is best done with a clear head. If you can find the way the alcohol serves you, such as a way to get out of depression, then you can get a good grasp on it to find more faster and better alternatives.

So perhaps the real answer your seeking is "how can I find more better alternatives for myself when I feel _?" Drinking is nothing more than a anchor for a emotional state change in most cases.
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Old 02-13-2013, 06:28 PM
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Thanks for your reply to my post and for your kind words. I'm glad that being here is helping you.

Again I think I can relate to what you mean about your mother and your friends because I'm going through a similar thing. My mum's a recent widow after my stepdad died a couple of years ago (he died from alcohol-related problems and that still didn't stop me drinking at the time). She also has diabetes and other health problems so I don't want to burden her.

My friends have also cut me off with a joke when I've brought up deep subjects in the past, such as my faith. I'm just avoiding them at the moment because I don't have the energy to deal with them, but I guess I'll eventually have to come up with a plan to face them.

So at the moment I'm getting most of my support from here at SR, online AA meetings and face-to-face AA meetings. The first meeting I went to, I was one of only 3 women there, the only black person there and one of the youngest people there, but no one made a big fuss about me being there. I was treated just like everyone else. That's what great about AA, wherever you live.
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Old 02-14-2013, 02:14 PM
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Originally Posted by Hevyn View Post
I want to say welcome too, Carmen.

I think it's amazing that you're taking action now - at such a young age - and not insisting you can handle it on your own. How I wish I'd done that. My life would have been so different. We're so glad you've reached out for help and support. You won't ever regret it.
Thank you so much, I appreciate your support
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Old 02-14-2013, 02:28 PM
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Originally Posted by MattyB View Post
If you cant cope with feeling so bad, then I hope you can cope with feeling incredibly good. Making the decision to cut back or quit is on your own. A good way to look at it is by how much its affecting your behavior and mood. If you plan your whole day just around drinking, if you find you need one just to feel normal, if you isolate like crazy just to drink then it might be a good time to become a non-drinker for good.

Willpower takes time to build, but it starts the moment you put down. Its very interesting the rewards you reap once this happens, because it brings different clarity and perspective to your life.

Ask yourself "What does drinking give me?". If your social life evolves around it and your truely committed to stopping, then Id get some distance for a bit to find non-drinking support. In many cases, booze is a great social lubricant which distracts us from bigger underlying problem such as fear of rejection. Quitting will also kind of "test" your friends. If your friends had you best interest in mind, would they let you do this to yourself? Even after you explained to them to respect your wishes?

Being halfway in the door from cutting down and stopping is a big deal, staying there will only get you hurt. Its best to decide what you really, really want for yourself but is best done with a clear head. If you can find the way the alcohol serves you, such as a way to get out of depression, then you can get a good grasp on it to find more faster and better alternatives.

So perhaps the real answer your seeking is "how can I find more better alternatives for myself when I feel _?" Drinking is nothing more than a anchor for a emotional state change in most cases.
Thank you so much for your motivating words It's overwhelming having someone completely unknown to me taking their time to write at such length about why I should choose to change my life. I actually copied and pasted your comment into a Word document for me to be able to retrieve it easier at a later point. I'll take your thoughts on the subject into consideration when deciding what to do next.
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