Negative ruminating about alcoholism.
Saved By Grace
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Oop North, Furtlin' me Ferrets
Posts: 410
Negative ruminating about alcoholism.
Do most of you guys go through periods of times (a few days, a weekend, an entire week) when you sulk & ruminate and feel like crap about being an alcoholic? I know there are a lot of grateful alcoholics out there, just the term "grateful alcoholic" does not make sense to me really. I hope someday it will.
These last few days having alcoholism and addiction has felt like such a huge bummer. When these feelings arise in you guys how do you deal with them? Do you dwell on them? Do you go to a meeting and try and help a newcomer?
Do you have any tips or suggestions that might help someone new in recovery that sees their alcoholism as a gigantic curse?
These last few days having alcoholism and addiction has felt like such a huge bummer. When these feelings arise in you guys how do you deal with them? Do you dwell on them? Do you go to a meeting and try and help a newcomer?
Do you have any tips or suggestions that might help someone new in recovery that sees their alcoholism as a gigantic curse?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Glasgow, Scotland
Posts: 59
My mum is a grateful alcoholic. I on the other hand am a 'feeling sorry for myself' one. I wish I was like my mum. I also understand your post. Not much help I know and I'm sorry but I'm glad I read your post.
Saved By Grace
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Oop North, Furtlin' me Ferrets
Posts: 410
Oh well sobriety is so worth the struggle. I just gotta break out of this stinkin thinkin rut I've been in the last couple of days. Telling myself sobriety ain't worth the struggle, that is a straight up lie! I will not give in to these ridiculous downer depressing lies my defective mind tells me in order to get a drink in me. It will try anything, say anything, to try and get me to cave and have that 1st drink/drug.
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,064
How we feel about alcoholism apparently differs--some think it is a curse, others a blessing.
I think we all will agree, however, that alcohol is bad for alcoholics.
I think we all will agree, however, that alcohol is bad for alcoholics.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Minneapolis
Posts: 210
young - you're full of great advice and inspiration, focus on all the talents you can use to help others (I witnessed first hand in chat) with your sobriety and hopefully that gives you a lift (it did me).
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 577
I think it helps to think of our addictions a beast. I guess some recovery programs call it the "AV". The beast is pissed now because you aren't feeding it. It will try to trick you, and will try to catch you when you're down: Hungry, Angry, Lonely, and/or Tired.
keep it up....starve that beast!!
keep it up....starve that beast!!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 951
Everywhere there are people that have a combination of great sorrow and struggle alongside a tremendous number of gifts. In my opinion it is how we choose to perceive what we have been handed that determines our happiness.
The stuggle of focusing on gratitude vs obsessing over what is lacking is not unique to alcoholics. It's a choice we all must make each day.
I believe gratitude is a habit we can all develop. I get in ruts where I focus on what is missing in my life sometimes. If you knew all about me, you would probably either completely understand how I might do that, or else want to throttle me for being a such an ass. Possibly you would see both sides at once. I have so much to be thankful for, along with hard challenges to face. On most days, I know this strange conundrum is not peculiar to me.
I believe, based on soild experience, that when we focus on what is good in our lives, it multiplies. When focused on what is not good, that too seems to multiply.
YAC, thank you for posting. I've been following your threads the last few days and appreciate so much all that you have shared. It will surely help many that come along after you and read what you have posted here. There is an honesty with which you have written in each of your recent threads that is really touching. I hope knowing that what you are going through is is helpful to others will at least somewhat ease your troubles.
The stuggle of focusing on gratitude vs obsessing over what is lacking is not unique to alcoholics. It's a choice we all must make each day.
I believe gratitude is a habit we can all develop. I get in ruts where I focus on what is missing in my life sometimes. If you knew all about me, you would probably either completely understand how I might do that, or else want to throttle me for being a such an ass. Possibly you would see both sides at once. I have so much to be thankful for, along with hard challenges to face. On most days, I know this strange conundrum is not peculiar to me.
I believe, based on soild experience, that when we focus on what is good in our lives, it multiplies. When focused on what is not good, that too seems to multiply.
YAC, thank you for posting. I've been following your threads the last few days and appreciate so much all that you have shared. It will surely help many that come along after you and read what you have posted here. There is an honesty with which you have written in each of your recent threads that is really touching. I hope knowing that what you are going through is is helpful to others will at least somewhat ease your troubles.
LIVING SOBER
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Cent MD
Posts: 104
I am very glad to know what I am.
It took me many years to figure out what my problem was.
Years of wondering why I did not think I was normal.
Looking for that answer in a bottle.
Trying to justify that I was right when I knew what was wrong.
Constantly in pain from the confusion and turmoil.
Thinking that I was the ultimate authority concerning my decisions.
Through trial and error, I discovered that there was a power greater than I was.
Most of my attempts at being normal have been failures.
I have found that there are many people who are what I am, alcoholics.
I do not have to figure this out alone.
I know longer think that everything bad has happened only to me.
I share my experiences with others, and they share their experiences with me.
I share what has worked for me with them, and they share what has worked for them with me.
I am an alcoholic on a journey of recover.
I now have guidance to help me find the answers I am looking for.
I drank like an alcoholic, I acted like an alcoholic, and I realized I was an alcoholic.
When the pain became so great that I had to do something about it,
I looked to others who now seem happy without alcohol for their suggestions.
It may not work for everyone but it has worked for me.
It took me many years to figure out what my problem was.
Years of wondering why I did not think I was normal.
Looking for that answer in a bottle.
Trying to justify that I was right when I knew what was wrong.
Constantly in pain from the confusion and turmoil.
Thinking that I was the ultimate authority concerning my decisions.
Through trial and error, I discovered that there was a power greater than I was.
Most of my attempts at being normal have been failures.
I have found that there are many people who are what I am, alcoholics.
I do not have to figure this out alone.
I know longer think that everything bad has happened only to me.
I share my experiences with others, and they share their experiences with me.
I share what has worked for me with them, and they share what has worked for them with me.
I am an alcoholic on a journey of recover.
I now have guidance to help me find the answers I am looking for.
I drank like an alcoholic, I acted like an alcoholic, and I realized I was an alcoholic.
When the pain became so great that I had to do something about it,
I looked to others who now seem happy without alcohol for their suggestions.
It may not work for everyone but it has worked for me.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,384
I had a lot of self pity for a long time - but one of the gifts recovery gave me was the opportunity to grow, and to help others.
I find it very hard to feel sorry for myself when I'm helping others. Have you thought of volunteering or something YAC - it might just give you a different sense of perspective?
D
I find it very hard to feel sorry for myself when I'm helping others. Have you thought of volunteering or something YAC - it might just give you a different sense of perspective?
D
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I find that ruminating (I LOVE that word--comes from what cows do when they regurgitate their food and re-chew it) is one of the least helpful things to do in early sobriety.
Introspection is part of the Step work, but that is purposeful. I find living in my own head to be a bad neighborhood at times. When I find myself getting absorbed in problems and "what-ifs" and "what-thens" it is best for me to find something outside myself to get involved in. Even watching a movie can be good for changing the channel in my brain.
Oh, and going to a meeting and helping a newcomer can be a GREAT way to get out of those ruminations, too--great idea.
Introspection is part of the Step work, but that is purposeful. I find living in my own head to be a bad neighborhood at times. When I find myself getting absorbed in problems and "what-ifs" and "what-thens" it is best for me to find something outside myself to get involved in. Even watching a movie can be good for changing the channel in my brain.
Oh, and going to a meeting and helping a newcomer can be a GREAT way to get out of those ruminations, too--great idea.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Calgary, Canada
Posts: 69
I work with children with disabilities... so.. I see every day there are worse curses out there... Still these people, many are really young, find strength to live and find joy in life. Alcoholism is just one little curse, and we all have so many wonderful gifts.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Orillia, Ont., Canada
Posts: 165
Would the term "gratefull recovering alcoholic" make more sense to you? I know that I will always see myself as an alcoholic, just as I know that so long as I stay sober I will always be gratefull to be in recovery. All the best----rick
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: fort wayne, IN.
Posts: 1,085
I am going through the same thing. Sometimes I get sick of thinking about it. I had a sponser a couple years ago who said she was grateful she was an alcoholic. She felt that she had developed a character strength that others who did not go through addiction and recovery would have. I don't know. I am not grateful that I drank parts of my life away. I can look at my addiction and say I see how I am that way but it gives me intellectual relief not gratitude. I am very grateful from the bottom of my heart that I am sober. I am very grateful for the help I have in getting here. ( SoberRecovery was the only place I went) I am still digusted with what I did before I got sober.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Ontario Canada
Posts: 77
Good thread for today, as I feel the same way. I am angry with myself all the time about my past and even though no one else throws it at me, I make myself suffer every day. It is a terrible hell to be in. I am trying to be more positive but it is very difficult.
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
I used to fall into that trap before I learned it's not ME feeling sorry for me. It's the beast in my head that craves alcohol wreaking havoc with my emotions. He wants me to believe I'll feel bad unless I drink. He's a damn liar, and I don't listen to him anymore.
Telling him to go stuff it is quite liberating, and makes me feel like a million bucks. I'm now winning in situations I always used to lose. How can I feel down about that?
Telling him to go stuff it is quite liberating, and makes me feel like a million bucks. I'm now winning in situations I always used to lose. How can I feel down about that?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
I think that your idea of going to a meeting and helping another person is a good way to get out of the dumps yourself. Just don't add to someone else's burden by being negative yourself. If you persist in sobriety things will change for you. The sun will come out in your life. Depression is normal at the beginning. Your body wants to resume the alcohol. Don't let it do that. If you hang in there the depression will go away.
W
W
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 69
I like what Hanna said.
It's easier to do on some days, nearly impossible on others, but I believe that finding things to be grateful for every day is the key to happiness.
I'm grateful that I can shower in hot water in the morning! Its a gentle way to start the day.
It's easier to do on some days, nearly impossible on others, but I believe that finding things to be grateful for every day is the key to happiness.
I'm grateful that I can shower in hot water in the morning! Its a gentle way to start the day.
Saved By Grace
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Oop North, Furtlin' me Ferrets
Posts: 410
Wow so many great responses its great knowing I'm not alone on this. I've been thinking about underneath it all, what would that first drink do for me and I think ive finally broken through to the truth.
1) after that first sip all the pressure of being an alcoholic (meetings/the steps/ finding a sponsor) would just melt away. Even though I was drinking it would be so easy to say, "hell evan, you went 5 months on the wagon, could an alcoholic do that?" And then that first drink would become 2,3,4 until I was either crying, jumping for joy, drunk dialing, or begging god for forgiveness for what Ive done. I think I crave that excitement, that drama. I think its almost like Id rather drink and than have to apologize and admit i messed up than keep on the straight and narrow and not need to apologize cause i had no drink.
2. What do I gain from drinking? Well like many of you mentioned, all my problems will still be waiting for me when I sober up. But I think the reason I miss drink so much as it served as a "time-out" from life for many years. Kind of like a smoke-break, my alcohol-breaks were a time to tune out, zone out, pass out, watching tv or just being alone in my head. For an AA alcoholic who has to listen to K-F*** playing in his head 24/7, this is a huge relief because alcohol drowns out the thoughts and slows everything down to a more pleasant pace.
3) Its weird but I miss the drama and chaos of drinking. I miss the sneaking and the reward of getting a bottle safetly into my room without anyone noticing it. I miss chugging it in anticipation of that alcohol buzz I came to love so much. Im afraid of people, social situations, trips to vegas, weddings, night life. I never wanted to be that guy who is like "oh no sorry i have an allergy to alcohol." I can't partake, I've lost my legs and won't grow new ones. I dunno, at 27 years old this is a bummer, and I can't help but feel the partys over and I have the rest of my life to struggle in sobriety, oh joy.
I think these 3 things are why I still think that drinking alcohol wouldn't be a completely pointless. Would it solve all of my problems? No. Would it make me feel happy and take the edge off of life? Yes. I know why they call sobriety the "water wagon" because it literally feels like I'm holding on everyday to this way of life (wagon) and it's always bumpy and the suns in my eyes, somedays are really great and the ride is wonderful but other days the wagon jerks around and drives past the liquor store and bar.
I'm holding on to sobriety, and I know for me its the only way of life. But am I happy about discovering that? No, not really. I'm still missing the days before I ever heard of AA, alcoholism, and drugs. I can never ever go back to that time in my life and now I'm learning to live life for the first time on life terms at 27. In this economy! Esh...
1) after that first sip all the pressure of being an alcoholic (meetings/the steps/ finding a sponsor) would just melt away. Even though I was drinking it would be so easy to say, "hell evan, you went 5 months on the wagon, could an alcoholic do that?" And then that first drink would become 2,3,4 until I was either crying, jumping for joy, drunk dialing, or begging god for forgiveness for what Ive done. I think I crave that excitement, that drama. I think its almost like Id rather drink and than have to apologize and admit i messed up than keep on the straight and narrow and not need to apologize cause i had no drink.
2. What do I gain from drinking? Well like many of you mentioned, all my problems will still be waiting for me when I sober up. But I think the reason I miss drink so much as it served as a "time-out" from life for many years. Kind of like a smoke-break, my alcohol-breaks were a time to tune out, zone out, pass out, watching tv or just being alone in my head. For an AA alcoholic who has to listen to K-F*** playing in his head 24/7, this is a huge relief because alcohol drowns out the thoughts and slows everything down to a more pleasant pace.
3) Its weird but I miss the drama and chaos of drinking. I miss the sneaking and the reward of getting a bottle safetly into my room without anyone noticing it. I miss chugging it in anticipation of that alcohol buzz I came to love so much. Im afraid of people, social situations, trips to vegas, weddings, night life. I never wanted to be that guy who is like "oh no sorry i have an allergy to alcohol." I can't partake, I've lost my legs and won't grow new ones. I dunno, at 27 years old this is a bummer, and I can't help but feel the partys over and I have the rest of my life to struggle in sobriety, oh joy.
I think these 3 things are why I still think that drinking alcohol wouldn't be a completely pointless. Would it solve all of my problems? No. Would it make me feel happy and take the edge off of life? Yes. I know why they call sobriety the "water wagon" because it literally feels like I'm holding on everyday to this way of life (wagon) and it's always bumpy and the suns in my eyes, somedays are really great and the ride is wonderful but other days the wagon jerks around and drives past the liquor store and bar.
I'm holding on to sobriety, and I know for me its the only way of life. But am I happy about discovering that? No, not really. I'm still missing the days before I ever heard of AA, alcoholism, and drugs. I can never ever go back to that time in my life and now I'm learning to live life for the first time on life terms at 27. In this economy! Esh...
Getting there!!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
IMO, its very important to find another "passion" to fill that void. What hobbies are you interested in? Surfing, scuba diving, sky diving, learning to fly, motor cross or even a prison ministry can all help fill that loss of the rush for adrenal.
BTW: Jesus lived without getting drunk or drugging. He refused to be tempted by the enemy. Keep talking to HIM, He will show you true joy, peace and love.
BTW: Jesus lived without getting drunk or drugging. He refused to be tempted by the enemy. Keep talking to HIM, He will show you true joy, peace and love.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 24
Sometimes we feel the need to fall into these labels and ruminate in them. Its important to realize that you are way more than just that and that our pasts are only a small part us because now we focus on how to live happier, more free, more fulfilling lives. Sometimes it almost inescapable and staying in those feelings brings us comfort in the moment. Falling into the pattern will only disempower you from feeling good in the moment, which is what I find many people in recovery need to learn. I beleive that the emotion of gratitude, in the context of "How grateful can I feel rite now? Even If I wanted to be, what can I be grateful for?" is a surefire way to dissolve any fear, frustration, or worry.
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