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In bed at 8 pm - sober but heartbroken

Old 02-12-2013, 07:57 PM
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And hey Paul 99 I like that phrase : don't get squirrelly , think I might steal that one and use it ! X
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Old 02-13-2013, 10:58 AM
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Made it through another night. Taking the kids to school today so no chili sandwiches this morning !!! Take care all x
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Old 02-13-2013, 02:37 PM
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Hi Seiceps, thanks for your note and I think you are very brave as well as funny! We are the same age and sounds like we have gone through similar with our partners (although when mine decided he needed "space" I eventually let him have it on a permanent basis since his approach to helping me recover was to ridicule me non-stop and remind me constantly of how many times I had screwed up). Your partner sounds more supportive so I truly do hope it works out for you. The fact that you're doing this and also being a full-time Mum is very brave---I don't have kids and don't know if I could do what you're doing with the sense of humour you have. Thanks for the suggestions on the libravox---will definitely check it out as I love to listen to books, etc., at night. Also, Melatonin helped me but I had to go through several different brands before I found the right one. I also found that I had to play with the dosages (they come in 1, 3, and 6mg in the States do don't know about NZ) until I figured out that 4.5mg was the right one for me. Anyway, it didn't "cure" my insomnia or anxiety-related nights but it certainly took the edge off and also helped establish a sleeping schedule that wasn't solely based on alcohol intake/output. Maybe will work for you too? Can't hurt to try. Hope all is well with you today/tonight and thank you for your posts! Please keep in touch! x
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Old 02-13-2013, 02:50 PM
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Hi pt. yes I definitely felt a connection with your posts not least Bc of our shameful secret ! Also it sounds like you have the job I've always dreamed of. I'm starting to know deep down that if I don't drink I won't be getting back together with him , even though he says that's what he wants. I'm pretty I won't want him, wont be able to be a sober me with him. He's not exactly being supportive, he's just gone and pretty much incommunicado. Who knows miracles have happened. We had a lot of love but more hurt I'd say. But enough! No more wallowing ! Now my nana used to say -if you don't laugh you'll cry , expect the worst you'll never be disappointed ! So from that I'm trying to understand I'm gunna feel like crap and deal with it and try and laugh instead of crying. Sometimes I just watch clip after clip on you tube of stand up to force myself to laugh. Try tim minchin - some people have it worse than I. Only if your not easily offended !!!! Xxx
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Old 02-13-2013, 03:34 PM
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Hi again, I am certainly no one to give relationship advice (My romantic history would make Oprah turn into an alcoholic after one interview!) but I do know that it is hard to stay in a relationship when that person has basically come to know you in one way even if you're not that way all the time. I think you mentioned your partner is a drinker too but seems to be able to "control" it. That was the case in my situation as well although, looking back, most of our arguments were on whose drinking style was "more healthy" and I think that is probably not what "healthy" couples talk about regularly. He was a weekend warrior who could go out Fri-Sun and binge and then abstain all week whereas I rarely binged but had to have my bottle (or two) of wine nightly. I drank mostly at home, him at the bar. When I decided to stop a couple years ago for the first time I found that I couldn't deal with him sober----at times I couldn't actually stand him. I spent years allowing him to convince me how bad I was because I was an at-home nightly drinker so when I stopped and refused to take that abuse anymore, well, I found we didn't have a lot to talk about anymore. I also couldn't change ME around someone who only saw the drunk me and not the potential of a sober me. We were only together for three years and it sounds like you and your partner have more under your belt as far as time and experience but perhaps therapy would help too down the road if you decide to stay together. It didn't for us because he didn't want to stop drinking or feel that my sobriety would suddenly be a judgement of his behavior so we went our separate ways. But as someone wisely mentioned above, until you can get yourself out of the woods, there is no point dealing with large, messy emotional things like relationships and "the future." Space might actually be very much a blessing here even if it feels sh*tty at the moment. Glad you're giving yourself some TLC (flowers, pedicure) today. Don't worry about him right now as much as you can---think about you. X
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Old 02-13-2013, 04:34 PM
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Hey Seiceps,

Sounded like a semi horrid day for you especially so raw into recovery... Don't discount that you did a realllllly good job by not picking up that drink despite you really wanting to. Pat yourself on the back my dear cause for an alcoholic, that's huge. I'm proud of you.

The problem with us is our minds are never quiet; we can't sleep because of it (at least this is what I feel you are trying to tell me), I used various methods to wind down after a day especially when the only thing in my mind is to drink. Walking helped me loads, writing down what I was feeling and thinking helped, Going to the bookstore and just losing myself in music and books and if you like animals, go to a pound or a shelter and make nice with the cats and dogs (they are so innocent and good shrinks by pure touch )

I did things like that, any thing really except pick up a drink... Most importantly, you know you have a huge support system here, keep close to people at SR as they know exactly what you are going through.

Stay safe and take care, smile, life is good if you let it

Lots of love,
Mydee
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Old 02-13-2013, 04:58 PM
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Thanks mydee and pt and all of you ! Wondering if ill have to go to recovery for being addicted to SR ! I got this amazing card in the mail from a friend today saying how lucky she felt to have me etc. was so cool to get something in the mailbox today. Ohhhh you are so right about the busy mind. I went on a Buddhist vipassana course about four yrs ago, they call it the monkey mind : always craving or aversion, never just is. Ten days of meditation, no talking whatsoever ! No drinking, smoking. My god I never cried so much in my life. A few of my friends have done it , we call it the Buddhist concentration camp 😊but I've been thinking about that concept / craving / aversion. And trying to draw on the fact that I managed to do those ten days so I can surely do at least ten days now ? Anyway I'm gunna roll with that and get to that point and START AGAIN as they also say an awful lot at meditation. Btw to anyone interested they have these retreats all over the world. I wouldn't reccomend doing it my way , going in cold turkey and in total turmoil, but afterwards it could be good. Gotta go report in at the docs. Ugg. Thanks again for listening to me drivel on. I've missed writing I realise.
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Old 02-13-2013, 05:09 PM
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great job Seiceps! I have very much enjoyed reading this thread SR is great, isn't it?!!!
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Old 02-13-2013, 05:54 PM
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Thanks kittycat. Truley it's been a lifesaver. I just told my doc about it and he said be careful of getting into other people's dramas when your in trauma yourself ? What ? I reiterated that it didn't sermon like that to me that it was just very supportive. Maybe he's being uber careful.
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Old 02-14-2013, 03:57 PM
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Hi Seiceps,

One day at a time my dear; that's all you gotta think about for the moment.

Get back into writing, you said you missed it? Every time, you feel like having a drink, pick up a pen and write, you never know what will come out of that.

As for the buddhism thing, I'm actually thinking of doing it as well, the whole quiet and meditation, I think it's a healthy thing so maybe you can start practise meditating or even perhaps going back into it.

I'm so glad that your friend wrote you and expressed how much you meant to her, that's amazing and that's love. I'm sure that put a big smile in your face and in your heart, hold on to things like that, those are the kind of people and actions that will help you heal and help you in your road to recovery.

Sending you a big, warm and huge hug!

Much love,
Mydee
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Old 02-14-2013, 05:47 PM
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Hey, for all you Buddhisty-types (or wannabes), I HIGHLY recommend reading One Breath at a Time, by Kevin Griffin. Read more here: Kevin Griffin.
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