lost1570

Hi,

I am new to this site. I hope someone can help as I am feeling very lost at the moment. I have been with my partner for over 6 years. I probably realised that he was a functioning alcoholic after about a year of being together. However, I say functioning, he lost he licence due to drink driving and his job of 10 years due to numerous 'sick days' and a drunken phone call to the director. He has also lost friendships due to drinking. He is very emotional agressive when he has been drinking and puts me down alot. He has tried to get help, the doctor refered him to rehab, however he didnt want to go due to work commitments. He hides alcohol, and lies about the amount he has drank - but i know him so well now I know when he has.

Three years ago we moved to Australia (from the UK as he got offered a good job opportunity, as I was in two minds whether to go as I love my friends and family and I am very much a home girl. I was also concerened because of the alcohol issue, however he was convinced that a new lifestyle would change him/help him).

I left after a year as the drinking got really bad again & very intense between us. We kept in touch and I ended up coming back to Australia 8 months ago.

Anyway, the reason why I am on here is because the drinking has again got bad. He has had 3 jobs since he has been out here. He blames me for them not working out, he says that its because I cause him stress all the time and I have ruined his life. He is emotionally agressive again and has started to get slightly physically aggressive. Last weekend he threw my laptop off the balcony.

He is very depressed at the moment & maybe losing he job again in three weeks (not through his fault), he doesnt feel successful, he hates his apprearance lately, he hates his drinking & doesnt like what it has done to us. BUT, he blames me for everything. Says that our relationship issues have cause him to drink and be stressed at worked. I have always wanted to go back to the UK and speak about it everyday, howver he is not sure if he can get a job there and he wants to stay in Australia for a while. This is obviously causing stress.

All my friends think I should come back home to the UK. theye say he will never change. He has even told me he will never change (when he has been on a drink depression). I just dont know what to do, i love him & I know its not his fault, but i dont know how much i can take of this. I also feel slightly to blame. Do I learn to live with this or stay with the person I love? I am 29 he is 35. Not married and no children yet.

Any advice would I would be very grateful..

Thanks

dmc1960

Run as fast as you can. You do not deserve a life dictated by an alcoholic. Find out the reason you are attracted to a chaotic person. Please do not do this to yourself or innocent not yet born children. Love him, pray for him from afar! If I would not have to have been born and raised by a "functional" alcoholic father, I would not have been. Good luck on your journey to "normal".

Dee74

Hi Lost

I just read your thread in FF - I think you got some great advice, I can't top it.

If you're looking for the alcoholic view...I wanted my cake and eat it too - I wanted to drink as much as I wanted and have a relationship and a partner too...

I also blamed my partner - I didn't want to face the truth that my actions were hurting them - the truth was I simply didn't want to stop.

I lost two partners. Both had the foresight to see I was not going to change, at least not for them.

I don't have a crystal ball for you or your partner, but you seem very unhappy right now.

How long can you live like this?
How many years are you prepared to wait for change?
What would be the breaking point for you?

those are the kinds of things I think you need to think about. Protect yourself.

wishing you the best
D

lost1570

Thank you for you comments both.

Dee74 - Thank you for your honesty. How long did your partners stay with you for?

I honestly think that breaking point for me would be if he was really pysically abusive. Obviously I do not want to get to that stage. I just feel trapped in my own thoughts at the moment & trapped in the relationship.

Dee74

One was a year, the other 2 and a half years.
Happily in a 5 year relationship now

D