Dee74

Like I said it's really hard to make decisions when you're dabbling with one of your drugs of choice MLC.

I think you're ready for recovery - more than ready - but you're scared and doing a sterling job of trying to talk yourself out of it.

D

Anna

I agree with Dee.

You are in the middle of a Valium binge and your addict mind must be running wild. It is trying to convince you that you are not ready for recovery. You're here and that means something. I hope you make the decision to recover.

Midlifecrisis

I'm in trouble. Why does this take hold so quickly? So quickly. You think I'd be able to take it for a couple of days properly. I could stop with no ill effects obviously but I finally have a break from wanting to die and feeling useless. It doesn't seem fair. Why can't I take something to help like a normal person??

Hubby left me my dose for the whole day and took the rest for work. He said,please don't save it and have it all before we go to dinner tonight. My poor husband. I've just snorted it. Feckkkkkkk. I better leave this recovery forum I think. So embarrassed to share that here: what do I do?? I love that song by A Perfect Circle, 'weak and powerless' it's soooo true. Sums up my thoughts.

Omg this isn't me. I mean it's me, it's what I know but theres another me, there must be I'd rather this than an eating disorder.

If I had any doubt I was an addict before well I don't now. I'm scared. I'm sure this sounds ridiculous and xraZy. It's only Valium for goodness sakes. Id
Love heroin but I won't do that. This is just a pill. It's meant to help.

Midlifecrisis

My house is a mess.


Omg what If someone I know reads this. My kids are fine. Theya re

Dee74

I think you need more help right now MLC not less.

The longer you put off getting help - real help - the deeper you're likely to dig yourself in.

Why not phone your Dr - make a clean breast of things - and start from there?

D

Midlifecrisis

I'm just trying to be completely honest. I don't want to. I'm too scared to go back to feeling suicidal and crying all the time.

Shining~Again

I'm one who has had a benzo perscribed for many many (20 plus) years and yeah, I
understand some part of what you are saying....but not others, not at all.

What else is going on other than the pills? Because I'm completely lost of the "getting
high" feeling that you're talking about. Are you mixing things?

If you're not mixing - then I have nothing more to say. Other than best of luck.

Shining~Again

yes you should be honest....and no one should be so afraid to be truthful that they feel suicide is a better way out.

If saying it to the whole world makes no difference, try PM's.
I have found them a heluva lot more transparent and real than posting to
the masses.

hang in there.....you're not alone, tho' it may seem as if you are.

Midlifecrisis

Sorry, I don't understand your post. Can you explain more?

sobersonja

I feel for how it feels early in sobriety. I had to go to a treatment center to detox from high doses of painkillers and drinking. The treatment center had me on quite a few pills,but subutex only for a week. It's been 5 months now and I'm only on neurontin and a antidepressant sleepaid. The neurontin has made me feel like I'm in a fog and no energy to get out except for AA meetings.So I'll go a little longer on it, but I have a feeling I will have to cut back some and take more tylenol for fybromyalgia etc...Anyone else have problems like mine?

Midlifecrisis

Thanks everyone. I'll come back to this wonderfulplabr one day. Been drinking. Stupid. Feel like I'm alive again.

Midlifecrisis

Do you think I could just stay on Valium forever? Then id feel a little ok. Maybe I actually do need it.

Dee74

Think for a moment about how you've abused it over the last few days MLC.
Go back and read recent posts if you have to.

Think about the relationship problems.
You've drunk as well.

If a friend came to you asking you this, what would you tell them?
Is this a viable way to live?

D

Midlifecrisis

I know it. It just seems too hard. I can't feel that way anymore.