Facebook & Social Media issues w/recovery
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: California
Posts: 181
I love Facebook! Have been a member since 2005 or 2006, lots of friends, none from here so far and being newly sober no one really knows what's going on except I've told a few friends and work friends that I've stopped drinking to be healthier (well its true). I have my privacy settings set so I have to approve all photos and posts I am tagged in, there are still photos of me up over the years with a drink in hand at a party and whatnot, but I feel like that's who I was and now I've evolved into a new person that doesn't drink. I don't go to AA but I wouldn't post anything about that or about being on SR while on Facebook, here is where I feel comfortable posting about being sober!
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
I love FB.
I only friend people I know. I don't friend people from work or recovery.
I use it to keep up with my friends and family and share my own life with them. I chat my friends and kids there.
I have had MANY meaningful conversations on FB either in chat, comments on various topics. Just like I've had many meaningful conversations here. Just because it takes place via computer or text doesn't render it not in the moment or unreal. I mean this site is anonymous, and I don't share info that would identify me (even my location is misleading) but that doesn't mean what I read and post here is pointless.
Life, media, work, discussions are what we make them. I don't spend my time and energy engaged in pointless relationships and discussions. I understand that FB is a waste of time to SOME people, or a temptation to WASTE time for some people. But so are 10,000,000 other things...to some people.
I respect the fact that some people are FB haters, but I thought I'd speak up for those of us who find it an asset to our lives, and I know some people find it an asset to their recovery, and have FB pages JUST for their recovery friends...it IS possible to have more than on FB account, using anonymous names and only friending a select group of people. Potential employers wouldn't be seeing that.
I only friend people I know. I don't friend people from work or recovery.
I use it to keep up with my friends and family and share my own life with them. I chat my friends and kids there.
I have had MANY meaningful conversations on FB either in chat, comments on various topics. Just like I've had many meaningful conversations here. Just because it takes place via computer or text doesn't render it not in the moment or unreal. I mean this site is anonymous, and I don't share info that would identify me (even my location is misleading) but that doesn't mean what I read and post here is pointless.
Life, media, work, discussions are what we make them. I don't spend my time and energy engaged in pointless relationships and discussions. I understand that FB is a waste of time to SOME people, or a temptation to WASTE time for some people. But so are 10,000,000 other things...to some people.
I respect the fact that some people are FB haters, but I thought I'd speak up for those of us who find it an asset to our lives, and I know some people find it an asset to their recovery, and have FB pages JUST for their recovery friends...it IS possible to have more than on FB account, using anonymous names and only friending a select group of people. Potential employers wouldn't be seeing that.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Bklyn. NY
Posts: 1,859
2 things I want to throw out there regarding anonymity. First is that I hear a lot of people say "I'm not embarrassed of the fact that I'm in recovery", and use this as justification for telling others their story. Very few, if any of us, are embarrassed of our recovery. I heard a long time ago that we need to truly check our motives whenever we're breaking our anonymity. Only reason we should is if it's to help another alcoholic. Most other times our desire to do so is to serve our ego. Even if to just feel a little "different" than everyone else, stand out a wee bit in the crowd. AA is about attraction, not promotion, I need to trust that God will put the people in my path that I will be able to help. I don't need to go looking for them, or advertising... which brings me to the 2nd justification. I know people who say they broadcast on facebook because they want to avail themselves if anyone should need help. Well, I have to trust that it's not my job to do that. I will be there if anyone needs it, but people nowadays don't need me specifically as their savior, and it's easier than ever to find info on treating alcoholism and drug addiction. People spill their problems all over facebook anyhow. A PM to someone is all that's needed should I want to avail myself. Not a public display of what meeting I'm going to, what I feel God did for me today, etc.
I've become very cautious of my anonymity for a hundred different reasons. I feel the whole concept is getting a bit lost, and I think it's because of this that AA is beginning to get terribly misunderstood. I can't tell you how many people I've heard that believe that AA is a religious program that requires you admit you're completely powerless and helpless over everything; that the ONLY chance of recovery is to completely accept that, and then turn your life over to GOD, and he will cure you. Thats not quite how it works. But it's the picture that a few people paint, and then we wind up on southpark.
Anyhoo... the longer I'm sober, the fewer people know about my recovery. It's special to me, and to another alcoholic when I can be of service with my experience. I'll tell my new close friends (outside of recovery) too, but that's it.
I've become very cautious of my anonymity for a hundred different reasons. I feel the whole concept is getting a bit lost, and I think it's because of this that AA is beginning to get terribly misunderstood. I can't tell you how many people I've heard that believe that AA is a religious program that requires you admit you're completely powerless and helpless over everything; that the ONLY chance of recovery is to completely accept that, and then turn your life over to GOD, and he will cure you. Thats not quite how it works. But it's the picture that a few people paint, and then we wind up on southpark.
Anyhoo... the longer I'm sober, the fewer people know about my recovery. It's special to me, and to another alcoholic when I can be of service with my experience. I'll tell my new close friends (outside of recovery) too, but that's it.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 23
facebook does my head in, i only stay on it because i have a few friends abroad.
i keep facebook as impersonal as i can. i delete people all the time. if we don't speak on a regular basis, unless you are family, you're gone. ive got a couple people from school i genuinely think highly of that i stay connected with even though we rarely speak, but the whole concept is more or less lost on me. why stay connected with people you dont have anything to do with? its just used for gossip imo. and comparing yourself against others. i dont find many positives in it at all. 400 friends? who are you kidding.
ive always been like that though, i dont like everyone knowing my business. even acquaintances i got on well with at one point, i just dont see the point of keeping people as "friends" when a year has passed and we're unlikely to ever talk again. and despite all this i STILL dont broadcast my life on there. sure its a bit of fun, but people always share things they probably shouldnt. ive seen court appearances, relationship breakdowns, miscarriages. its too much.
to each their own i guess, but i think its a terrible idea to put personal stuff on the internet. hold some cards close to your chest, you know? especially where alcoholism and addiction is concerned. those close enough to you will know about it, it doesnt need to be spread around as fodder for people that dont care about you.
i keep facebook as impersonal as i can. i delete people all the time. if we don't speak on a regular basis, unless you are family, you're gone. ive got a couple people from school i genuinely think highly of that i stay connected with even though we rarely speak, but the whole concept is more or less lost on me. why stay connected with people you dont have anything to do with? its just used for gossip imo. and comparing yourself against others. i dont find many positives in it at all. 400 friends? who are you kidding.
ive always been like that though, i dont like everyone knowing my business. even acquaintances i got on well with at one point, i just dont see the point of keeping people as "friends" when a year has passed and we're unlikely to ever talk again. and despite all this i STILL dont broadcast my life on there. sure its a bit of fun, but people always share things they probably shouldnt. ive seen court appearances, relationship breakdowns, miscarriages. its too much.
to each their own i guess, but i think its a terrible idea to put personal stuff on the internet. hold some cards close to your chest, you know? especially where alcoholism and addiction is concerned. those close enough to you will know about it, it doesnt need to be spread around as fodder for people that dont care about you.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 603
Originally Posted by Joe Nerv 
I can't tell you how many people I've heard that believe that AA is a religious program that requires you admit you're completely powerless and helpless over everything; that the ONLY chance of recovery is to completely accept that, and then turn your life over to GOD, and he will cure you. Thats not quite how it works. But it's the picture that a few people paint, and then we wind up on southpark.
And nothing is off limits for South Park. They pi$$ed off Chef for making fun of Scientology. He didn't seem to have any problem with them making fun of any other religion until it came to his own.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Bklyn. NY
Posts: 1,859
Originally Posted by renaldo
And nothing is off limits for South Park. They pi$$ed off Chef for making fun of Scientology. He didn't seem to have any problem with them making fun of any other religion until it came to his own.
I also think it can't be stated enough that the ONLY REQUIREMENT for AA membership, is a desire to stop drinking. There is no requirement to know a single word in the BB, nor do anything else. Lots of people get and stay sober with doing nothing more than going to meetings. And many cant do that. Those of us who can't thank god for the 12 steps, and make them a part of our lives.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: ct
Posts: 12
Originally Posted by iamnoone
For the most part, Facebook is just a big narcissistic "look at me" social network, and I suppose there is nothing wrong with that. Everybody can feel like they're important, a celebrity amongst their 5,000 'friends', and they can get constant validation ("likes") from their comments so that they get positive ego boosts all day long. Same goes for twitter. It's all very self-centered and I'm really glad it all wasn't around when I was growing up.
LadyinBC is right-on about the texting and cell phones, too. Just look around when you're out at lunch or dinner at any restaurant or cafe. Couples, friends, groups at tables - sometimes every single person is looking at their smartphone, texting, checking e-mails, posting pics of their food to facebook, etc. I'm always amazed if I actually see two people being there together, looking at each other and talking, with no phones in hand. It's a rare occurrence to see that these days. Everyone's life is so wrapped up in that little phone! And not just in restaurants, but in cars, lines at the market, walking down the street, in movie theaters, on rollercoasters, at concerts, parties, everywhere! No one is THERE in the moment anymore. It's all about what you project to people on-line and on facebook. That's the real "you" in today's world, and it's 90% fake. Rant over.
I do admit I keep my facebook page active only because I subscribe to a bunch of company sites and related people in my 'field' - and I get some important news that way. So Facebook can have some productive uses amongst all its 'like me!, like me!, like me!'s".
LadyinBC is right-on about the texting and cell phones, too. Just look around when you're out at lunch or dinner at any restaurant or cafe. Couples, friends, groups at tables - sometimes every single person is looking at their smartphone, texting, checking e-mails, posting pics of their food to facebook, etc. I'm always amazed if I actually see two people being there together, looking at each other and talking, with no phones in hand. It's a rare occurrence to see that these days. Everyone's life is so wrapped up in that little phone! And not just in restaurants, but in cars, lines at the market, walking down the street, in movie theaters, on rollercoasters, at concerts, parties, everywhere! No one is THERE in the moment anymore. It's all about what you project to people on-line and on facebook. That's the real "you" in today's world, and it's 90% fake. Rant over.
I do admit I keep my facebook page active only because I subscribe to a bunch of company sites and related people in my 'field' - and I get some important news that way. So Facebook can have some productive uses amongst all its 'like me!, like me!, like me!'s".
However, in my case, I had facebook for a short period of time. For the most part it was to keep in touch with a few friends/family and to keep in contact with my brother who is in the US Army. The reason I deleted my facebook permanently was for three reasons:
1., Drama with an ex girlfriend who was trying to stalk and cause issues.
2., I felt it had become a waste of time that could be used for much more constructive purposes i.e. Yes, we are acquaintances, but what you ate for lunch or which toothpaste you prefer does not need to publicly stated or at least I wouldn't waste my time doing so.
3. The other points two points were just annoyances. The main reason I deleted my facebook was because of the privacy concerns and that fact that people I knew got fired for stupid posts etc. I came to the realization that privacy in this day and age in is sort of dying thing. I chose to somewhat retain what little privacy I could. Not to mention, I think facebook can possibly cause relationship issues.
With that said, please do not take my post to heart if you enjoy facebook. It is just one man's opinion. Anyway, I am back here again to get things cleaned up for the second time. A lot has happened in my life since I last posted and I look forward to sharing my experiences and reading about other peoples as well. I want to get sober and even though I have been able to control my drinking much better than ever I still have a long way to go. Nice to hear from you all again!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 1,359
Facebook is going to save my bum tomorrow as I forgot to post a birthday card to my Hungarian Nana... I'm going to get my youngest to paint a picture and upload it on there... It may soften the blow.
This just popped up on mine and made me chuckle... (I don't think it will offend anybody feel free to edit mods if you think it might)
"Palestine model shot dead in Israel"
I hope it was Wallace, I really like Gromit.
Other than that somebody is getting dressed, another has started dinner early and there are several discussions on pancake fillings. Nope you're not missing anything folks
This just popped up on mine and made me chuckle... (I don't think it will offend anybody feel free to edit mods if you think it might)
"Palestine model shot dead in Israel"
I hope it was Wallace, I really like Gromit.
Other than that somebody is getting dressed, another has started dinner early and there are several discussions on pancake fillings. Nope you're not missing anything folks
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