renaldo

I spoke to a friend tonight. He was on his cell phone, which could go out at any moment. He was at a Starbuck's because he's averse to being alone.

I wasn't discussing my "issues" at all, but a few minutes into the conversation he asked to excuse himself to go to the bathroom. I said, "no problem," but he put me on hold for 10 minutes while he chatted with other people.

Am I wrong here, or is this rude behavior?

I listen to his problems up the yin yang.

LDT

I have a "friend" who has done that to me for decades. This woman would put the Pope himself on hold!! I've straight up told her it's a respect issue for me, and I will no longer accept being put on hold 6 times during a conversation.

I no longer talk to this friend on the phone. You are not overreacting ( IMO ).

EternalQ

Well what matters is were YOU offended by his behavior?

Does he usually behave this way? Does he treat everyone else like this or just you? Is the relationship reciprocal in other ways that balance this out? Etc. Then evaluate on those counts.

Personally it would offend me. But it wouldn't offend everyone. And that is why I say what matters is how you feel about it and its place in the bigger picture of your friendship.

iamnoone

If I get put on hold like this, I'll wait maybe 30 seconds and then hang up, and let them call me back if they want to when they're done with whatever important calls they had to take or whatever. Not a big deal overall if it's a random occurrence, but if they do it regularly, I consider it rude and I won't put up with it.

Even more ridiculous is if a friend calls me and then immediately starts getting phone calls and taking each one. Hey, you're talking to me - why not let some of those calls go to voicemail and you can call them back after we're done? Duh.

Coldfusion

I am SO lucky cell phones don't work here.



I don't even know how to operate one!

Since this isn't a serious addiction issue, I'll be frank: you bring this misery upon yourselves by being slaves to technology!

shoreladylu

Well, do you think this person was purposely rude to you, or is it just a bad and really annoying habit they have? If its just a bad habit, I would let it go for right now and not take it personally. There are too many more important things you have no choice but to worry or get upset about. Don't waste your energy or let this knock you off your game. That being said, after getting through the moment, I might reevaluate how close of friends I wanted to be with this person in the future.
Try not to let it bug you! (easier said than done sometimes...)

renaldo

Nope. This is the first time it's happened. He's going through a difficult time in his life. Maybe I should just leave him alone. But the annoying thing is that I could hear him chatting up people at Starbuck's waiting for my phone battery to die, and I finally got frustrated and figured 10 mins. wait is an insult.

renaldo

I don't have a cell phone.

LadyinBC

If people put me on hold I hang up. If they babble on their phone or text when we go out, we won't be going out again. It's rude and inconsiderate.

junk33

I give them 30 secs then i hang up and let them call me back and decide if i pick up or not?

ReadyAtLast

I would also have hung up.It is very rude behaviour but you 'allowed' him to keep you on old for 10 mins by staying on hold. People treat us the way we allow them to. Next time,maybe hang up,he won't put you on hold again

ACT10Npack

Don't like talking on the phone but after waiting 30 seconds I hang up and if its that important they will call back.

ricmcc

I agree with the above posts in responce to yours, with the following exception, that being if the person has warned me that they are expecting an important call--even then I would expect them to end our call with a, 'Sorry, got to take this, will get back to you as soon as I can'. It doesn't sound that that is at all what your friend is doing, so I think it would be right to call the behaviour rather rude and immature. If the friendship is important to you, you might wish to discuss it politely; otherwise, I'd just hang up.---rick

renaldo

I thank everyone for their kind responses. Friendships involve give and take and making concessions. Having this stick in my craw is just going to fester, so I think I'm just going to let this pass and let him call me when he's ready. He's experimenting with anti depressant meds and going through a tough time. But he seemed to be having a good time chatting with folks at Starbuck's while I was just biding time twiddling my thumbs.

I should be more specific. He didn't put me on hold. I could hear everything, including going to the bathroom.

But to reaffirm, I wasn't bugging him with my problems, but I was perfectly willing to listen to his. Perhaps that's not a balanced relationship and I should just forget him until he calls me.

The thing is, it seems like people usually call me when they're in emotional distress, until they get a girlfriend and then they forget about me entirely. Out of sight, out of mind.

There is one exception and that's my best friend. For decades we have spoken on the phone for 2 hours every Sat. night. I cherish that like the finest pearl.

Perhaps that's the saving grace. He's never expressed the desire for a girlfriend. And as to his aches and pains, it doesn't bother me in the least to listen to them. Superficial conversations bore me to tears. That's not a recent phenomenon.

He's extremely knowledgeable about history and I've learned a lot from him. But as a counter balance, he's learned a lot about the Arctic and music from me.

bigsombrero

I respectfully disagree. Learning how to cope with today's technology is an important thing for addicts who are regaining their social lives. There are lots of people with facebook and twitter accounts who let their addiction creep into the picture and create a big mess for themselves. Cell phones, with their texting features, can become huge problems for users, addicts, and those in recovery because they affect how we communicate. I wish more treatment and recovery programs actually addressed social media and how you can use it (or NOT use it) properly when in recovery. People don't read books and send letters anymore, everything is handled via e-mail or read online. Simply burying your head in the sand and saying "I don't know how to do this and I won't learn it" is not an acceptable answer for someone who wants to live a normal life outside of treatment. The majority of people use this stuff and it will be a huge part of their lives moving forward.

Gee my soapbox is getting creaky here - better step off!

Anna

Renaldo, you felt slighted and ignored by your 'friend' and rightly so. I think it's important in recovery to have boundaries in place, as to how we will allow ourselves to be treated. Low self-esteem was such a big problem for me, I had to have strong boundaries and stick with them.

ivegotsunshine

Id like to offer alternative here. You said he is going.through some personal stuff and just started an anti depressant? Sounds to me like there's a very good chance he got distrcted and fogot he was on a call! New meds can make you very loopy. If he doesn't do this regularly then whats the big deal? I'd chalk it.up to being flighty and nothing else. If he does it again? Call him out on it.

soberlicious

Yes, this is rude behavior.

renaldo

I eschew social networking like the plague. There was a woman who I used to work with and on a periodic basis I get emails from her Facebook account asking if I want to connect with Lori's friends. She has my phone number and my email address. If she wants to speak with me, those are tried and true methods.

As for learning social networking thingamigs, I think it's perfectly acceptable to say "I don't know how to use it and I don't want to know."

I don't know these people who ostensibly want to be my "friends." How many friends do you need? One or two is good for me.

None of this is to imply that I'm anti-social. Chatting here on SR does the trick for me and I thank the moderators for their kind diligence to keep this mighty Wurlitzer going into the night (or the day, depending on where you live).

renaldo

This is the first time he's done it, and it may be due to adjusting to the meds, so I don't think I'm going to call him to task on it. Just wait and see.