YoungAndClean

Okay so Im at 4 months off the booze and I've been dragging my feet on the steps and getting a sponsor. I've had 2 sponsors in the past and I relapsed both times after a month or 2.

I've been feeling convicted to get a sponsor and recently asked this older guy who I thought was cool and wise, and I just felt he could help me. This guy is 8 years sober and on fire for AA, he only has had to sponsee's in 8 years and hes really a "no ********" type dude.

So anyways I asked him to sponsor me, and he invited me to a speaker meeting I would have never gone to on my own. And we had a connection and he was like taking me under my wing, but on the ride home he said that he wanted me to go to an AA meeting everyday... everyday for my entire first year. I kind of shrugged it off and it wasnt until today that I freaked.

I called him and basically said look, sorry, this wont work, i cant do 365 in 365. I cant meet your expectations. He told me I needed to stop living in fear. This is so typical of me, when things get tough and I feel like I dont have control I always bail. I have very bad commitment issues and I know this guy wants to make a deep human connection with me and teach me how to be a strong man in AA.

In the past, I wouldnt have even cared that I got out of being accountable to this guy. But now, I feel like Ive hit a glass ceiling, I can either break the heck through it and take the plunge going to meetings everyday and following him. Or I can just keep skating in comfort, never really pushing myself or growing.

I feel like Im selling myself short, because iam. Any comments or suggestions would be helpful. Im really battling with this because its really my decision and dictates what kind of man I want to be and if i would do anything for sobriety. I thought I would, but maybe not?

Dee74

Sounds to me you know what you feel you should do.
If it's fear that's holding you back I think it could be really good to face that fear YAC

D

Coldfusion

If I could do 365 meetings in 365 days, I would. Why can't you?

On the other hand, I'd rather have my sponsor. Today, he gave me six versions of the Twelve Steps and asked me to pick which one I wanted to use.

Received

If you want this guy to sponsor you then do 365/365.

instant

Tell him one day at a time, and easy does it

Maples

So i am new to AA. I feel the same way, and I haven't been pushed to do this, but I know that people feel very strongly about these things. I want input too. AA is helping me, but I cannot force my life to swerve for it.

Rephrase: 365 in 365 would require leaving my job for AA. Is that necessary for me to get help?

LexieCat

Sounds to me like you know what you want to do. I think you should go with your instincts and commit to the 365.

Believe me, I know the "I couldn't possibly" feeling. However, once I make the commitment, I generally find a way to follow through with it. Matter of personal honor, ya know?

This may be a golden opportunity for you. Go for it!

sugarbear1

If you are always at a meeting, when will you have time to work the steps and practice them in real life?

My sponsor had me commit to a specific number of meetings per week, meet with sponsor one day a week....hold a service commitment to a meeting once a week.....work the steps regularly....

bemyself

Hi YAC, interesting question. And as per the richness of SR, lots of slightly different responses. It gets hard to 'know', really deep down, in your own self, what might be best for you.

I understand a bit about what you say re commitment, particularly ones which require a huge, ongoing, and - in the final analysis - an unforseeable - investment.

Just in my own experience, I had a sponsor for a brief time (a coupla months) - my one and only, so far, so I'm not an 'expert' on these things :-). In my own self, I had to look into which parts of what she was asking me to do (and she wasn't really as hardcore in that sense - Hardcore does so not work for me!). This was primarily in relation to doing the Steps, so not entirely the same thing as 365 meetings, on demand!

nevertheless, I just knew that several aspects of what she 'asked' just simply didn't resonate with ME. I respectfully told her that, we discussed it a bit, and she was cool. By that, I mean, respectful to me in return.

Getting, and staying sober, for the first or the nth time, does not, in the end, and ONLY in my opinion and experience, require one to feel like a drone. Many AA-ers....as well as self-recovered - peeps, do what they, as individuals, need to do. A bit like a recipe, with different ingredients, for one of those artful sponges (or something) that some 'master' straight off, some keep trying with different methods, some don't bother, and so on.

Sorry, I hope I haven't confused you! Just go with YOUR heart and mind; and just like in ordinary life, be prepared to say 'yes' to such and such, 'no' to something else, and 'maybe, I'll give that a try' to another thing.

Best wishes to you!

BadCompany

Do you know how to eat an elephant? One bite at a time. Figure out how to get to a meeting today, and let tomorrow worry about tomorrow.

auden67

I am coming from an outside perspective, but I think it is coercive to accuse you of living in fear if you do not want to do a meeting everyday. You may think he only does that because he cares, but it's a psychological manipulation, intentional or not. If I truly believed a meeting everyday was your best recipe for success, I would ask why you didn't think you could commit to a meeting a day, then work with you to find a working combination of meetings and step work that you can commit to and make part of your daily routine. It is the routine of behavior and helps behavior change. It should be your sponsor's interest to find what works for you, not them, right?

It's your choice. Only you know what you are comfortable adopting and with whom you can build a trusting relationship. Don't let anyone belittle you and then claim they have the answer to make you better. The better always comes from inside you. Just my thoughts. Feel free to keep what you want and discard the rest.

choublak

How long are these meetings, like an hour?

sugarbear1

the steps work

meetings are to find a sponsor and for after you work those steps

lambchop6

Take it one day at a time. Try your best and if that doesn't work try again.

Lenina

YAC, Does he have the meetings scheduled for you? Ones he wants you to attend? Going to Step studies would be good, I think. Out here those meeting are usually only one hour. Not too much time if you're interested in applying the Steps to your life.

I could not do daily meetings. it was just too much to add to my day. It was over stimulating and I did better with quality meetings rather than amount. Can he give you reading to do?

Love from Lenina

Natom

365 meetings in 365 days is really hardcore. You'd be hard pressed to find more than a handful of people who have done 90 in 90 in my area. It's too much for a sponsor to ask. My sponsor merely suggests I get to extra meetings when I can. I imagine the whole 90 in 90 thing was formulated in a time when the world wasn't moving so fast. There isn't enough meetings near me to do one every day. There's no shame in taking your time looking for a sponsor. It's going to be one of the biggest decisions you will ever make.

Natom.

Lionhearted1

Did not read that anywhere in the big book and as far as I know aa is the big book.... No where does it say in order to recover we must do 365 mertings in 365 days.
Maybe I missed it or maybe it's another person adding there own ideas. Good luck

sugarbear1

My sponsor said that if I were asked to attend 90 in 90, then sponsor must be willing to take me to each meeting.....

It's not the quantity of meetings..."no human power could relieve my alcoholism"

I must work those steps and if your sponsor is hardcore, have you gotten through step 7 yet?

A real hardcore sponsor would take someone through the steps.....they are the solution.

bigsombrero

Agree with this. Sounds like an impossible task, setting yourself up for failure. Even if you want to run a marathon you get a break from training every day. The request for 365 days is completely out of line, IMO, and probably has more to do with this sponsor's EGO rather than your recovery. Do this for yourself man - take a walk in a park, look at the trees, breathe deeply, read a chapter a day in a book on frog migration...anything that keeps you sober will work. 365 meetings per year? I think that's downright manipulative and border line abuse - if this was a job, the manager would be fired for mistreatment of employees. Maybe it's time to rethink AA and their motives? Good luck!

YoungAndClean

Thanks everybody. From reading the responses I can see that the answers are very polarized. Those who recommend I do 365, and those who see my point of view about 365 being an unfair suggestion to give a sponsee.

I gave it a lot of thought, going back and forth with my decision. But in the end I'm going to say no mainly for the reason that 365 in 365 is not in the big book and I've never heard of it before. My previous 2 sponsors never would lord a commitment like that over me. So why should I? I don't have a car right now and I'm a full time college student in his senior year, so no, I am not willing to do what this sponsor wanted me to.

I think Im going to hold off on finding a sponsor now until I leave california. Way to many hardcore "dog eat dog" "grab the bull by the horns" type guys. My recovery is not a competition.