dealing with past embarassments....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 23
dealing with past embarassments....
i live in a fairly small town...gossip is rife here its fair to say.
feeling a little upset that bad news seems to travel fast (the ambulance i was picked up in happened to stop in the middle of town)
i had been under the impression not many people i knew witnessed the event, but im wrong.
how do you guys deal with drink related shame and embarassment? i know i brought it on myself but i just feel wretched now
feeling a little upset that bad news seems to travel fast (the ambulance i was picked up in happened to stop in the middle of town)
i had been under the impression not many people i knew witnessed the event, but im wrong.
how do you guys deal with drink related shame and embarassment? i know i brought it on myself but i just feel wretched now
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,426
Hi Peanuts
by the end I was the neighbourhood drunk - you know...that guy?
believe it or not most people forget the past if they're presented with enough newer evidence to the contrary
I've moved from my old neighborhood now but before I did, I reckon I'd rehabilitated my reputation fully.
It mightn't seem like it in the early days but you will turn things around...It's what we do today that counts the most
D
by the end I was the neighbourhood drunk - you know...that guy?
believe it or not most people forget the past if they're presented with enough newer evidence to the contrary
I've moved from my old neighborhood now but before I did, I reckon I'd rehabilitated my reputation fully.
It mightn't seem like it in the early days but you will turn things around...It's what we do today that counts the most
D
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,066
I am actually happy to see the police officers who had to deal with me while I was a drunken idiot. I am proud to be sober, and they are glad to have one more decent citizen in the community.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Melbourne, Victoria Australia
Posts: 1,202
Ah yes, peanuts, the small town thing.....my drinking years had worsened when I just happened to be living in a small-moderate town (here in Aus, that's about 30,000 people). I worked in the town too (when I still had a job - was made redundant / whole organisation closed down mid-2009). So Yeh, I get how you might be feeling.
the (minor) upside I found was that, hey, the ambos and occasional police officers that attended me, always in my home, in that last year or so, were always really lovely. That, combined with my experiences just in and around the town itself, reminded me that, well, guess what? I'm by NO MEANS the only drunk or drug user in this town. And when the ambos / police were with me, their non-judgemental attitude - and even off the cuff remarks - told me that was indeed the case. They'd seen it all.
As for the neighbours, well.....we can't choose them, huh?
As Xune I think it was said wisely: in effect, the gossips will simply attach themselves to someone else to gossip about. For some, it's a kind of hobby, I reckon :-)
Chin up! No need to feel shame or embarrassment HERE in SR-town :-)
the (minor) upside I found was that, hey, the ambos and occasional police officers that attended me, always in my home, in that last year or so, were always really lovely. That, combined with my experiences just in and around the town itself, reminded me that, well, guess what? I'm by NO MEANS the only drunk or drug user in this town. And when the ambos / police were with me, their non-judgemental attitude - and even off the cuff remarks - told me that was indeed the case. They'd seen it all.
As for the neighbours, well.....we can't choose them, huh?
As Xune I think it was said wisely: in effect, the gossips will simply attach themselves to someone else to gossip about. For some, it's a kind of hobby, I reckon :-)
Chin up! No need to feel shame or embarrassment HERE in SR-town :-)
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,496
It's hard to get past something like that, but it's really important that you don't let the negative feelings lead you back to drinking. That happened to me many times and in the end you just have to accept what happened and move on. You can make the changes you want in yourself.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 29
I think people here are right---gossip moves on and people forget. Obviously it's always a much bigger deal for those of us who experience the embarrassment than those who witness it. The thing is, when we get sober we become much stronger. And the same people who witnessed your past embarrassment will witness your transformation to the stronger healthier sober you. Then THAT is what people will be talking about.
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Years ago, the Los Angeles Police Department had a separate division called the Metro Division. Now they drove unmarked brown vehicles with black wall tires. They were also a minimum of 6' 4" to even make the Metro Division.
At the last part of my drinking a few months before I found recovery, (I found out later how bad it really was) it took 6 yes 6 Metro to get me subdued and in handcuffs and hauled off to the Hollywood Station, and in the process I injured two of them. Yep I was a very nasty drunk. Tht would have been April or Early May of '81.
A bit over 3 years later in August of '84 I had some business at the Van Nuys Police Station, and since the new station had only been open a few weeks, I stopped at the desk to ask the Desk Sargent where the office was I needed to go to. Now when I asked him, he looked just a tiny bit familiar but I couldn't place him. He too was looking at me like he knew me, then before I could say anything he asked me if I was So and So and yes I was. Talk about being embarrassed for a bit, turned out he was one of those Metro Cops and was one of the two I injured in a very 'sensitive' place.'
So we talked a bit, and he said both he and the other officer were both out almost 4 weeks because of me. He also told me how much better I looked and I explained that I was over 3 years sober now, and he came out from behind the desk limping and gave me a BIG HUGE HUG. Yep he was still over 6' 4", lol he also explained that he was on desk duty for a while yet as he was recovering from a more serious on the job injury he had been shot 3 times by a suspect.
All the above to tell you, that every one of my embarrassments have turned into assets in working with others in recovery. Yours will too, should you choose to find recovery.
Do not forget those embarrassments, they will be a good impetus to keep you sober.
J M H E
Love and hugs,
At the last part of my drinking a few months before I found recovery, (I found out later how bad it really was) it took 6 yes 6 Metro to get me subdued and in handcuffs and hauled off to the Hollywood Station, and in the process I injured two of them. Yep I was a very nasty drunk. Tht would have been April or Early May of '81.
A bit over 3 years later in August of '84 I had some business at the Van Nuys Police Station, and since the new station had only been open a few weeks, I stopped at the desk to ask the Desk Sargent where the office was I needed to go to. Now when I asked him, he looked just a tiny bit familiar but I couldn't place him. He too was looking at me like he knew me, then before I could say anything he asked me if I was So and So and yes I was. Talk about being embarrassed for a bit, turned out he was one of those Metro Cops and was one of the two I injured in a very 'sensitive' place.'
So we talked a bit, and he said both he and the other officer were both out almost 4 weeks because of me. He also told me how much better I looked and I explained that I was over 3 years sober now, and he came out from behind the desk limping and gave me a BIG HUGE HUG. Yep he was still over 6' 4", lol he also explained that he was on desk duty for a while yet as he was recovering from a more serious on the job injury he had been shot 3 times by a suspect.
All the above to tell you, that every one of my embarrassments have turned into assets in working with others in recovery. Yours will too, should you choose to find recovery.
Do not forget those embarrassments, they will be a good impetus to keep you sober.
J M H E
Love and hugs,
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Melbourne, Victoria Australia
Posts: 1,202
Brilliant story laurie!And I don't even live in LA, but can sort of picture it (we have some big beefy m/f'ers if you'll pardon the French here in Aus too - especially in NSW for some reason).
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Swansea
Posts: 3
You know I have got to the point where the gossips don't matter - I used to live in a small place overseas, and I think a lot of the reason people made comments about my drinking was because it made them feel better about theirs. I was by no means the biggest drinker, or the most frequent, but it used to affect me more than it did my critics - one or two people realised this and pointed it out to the guy who owned the pub and used to slag me off behind my back, while still happy to take my money - also the same guy who tried to physically harm me one night he was drunk and I wasn't. Or the guy who sexually assaulted me while he was drunk and I was sleeping. The best thing was these incidents were laughed off as that was the sort of thing these people did while under the influence !
Ignore them, fact is all other people see is someone who is drunk and may be having a good time. If you are not doing it anymore they will soon forget, and as for the ones who throw it up in your face, just remind them who is the one still drinking.
Ignore them, fact is all other people see is someone who is drunk and may be having a good time. If you are not doing it anymore they will soon forget, and as for the ones who throw it up in your face, just remind them who is the one still drinking.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
for me, bad things with family were the main problem.The only thing to give it is time. People do forget and by staying sober we show them we are sorry. I think my family are now beginning to believe my drunken behaviour is in the past,just past 2 months
forgive yourself too and move forward
forgive yourself too and move forward
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1
I totally understand how you feel. I have horrible flash backs of embarrassing moments, and don't even want to know about situations I don't remember. But like one forum member said and you can see on here quite clearly, you will never be the only one who makes a twit of her/himself when drunk. I disagree somewhat with the notion that you're the one who remembers longest. Unfortunately some of the situations have cost me friends, lovers and respect at work. Newer evidence will lessen this to a certain degree but some damage is done and often is irreparable. It still makes me cringe and very depressed, but the only way is to get on with it. Hold your head high, remember you are a good person, you didn't kill, cheat, steal all you did was humiliate yourself and what's done is done. Apologise to the ones you hurt and who love you and just do everything in your power to stop it happening again x
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Between the Moon & the Stars
Posts: 211
Ya gotta love the small town environment. Although I moved to the Midwest from New York State 20 years ago, the small town I grew up in seems to know more about my life than I do! My Mother is a major gossiper.....
Like others, I was the neighborhood drunk lady. They've witnessed the police and ambulances at my house 3 times over the last 2 years. Their latest visit was in November. First visit was a Sunday night. Transported me to the hospital with an unbelievable BAC. Changed my mind 2 days later and discharged myself against medical advice.
Being the insane active alcoholic, I went directly to the liquor store, drank myself into further stupidity and police and ambulance were back at my house Wednesday night. Same ambulance crew too. Egads.....
It was embarrassing to me for a few days. After that, I realized that I'll prove myself through action. These neighbors have seen me be a drunken fool for 10 years. It'll take some time to prove myself. And that's OK. All part of recovery.
People are much more interested in themselves than they are with you. I always have to remind myself of that because self-centeredness is one of my flaws.
So don't sweat it! Keep on keeping on....the sober you is amazing!
Like others, I was the neighborhood drunk lady. They've witnessed the police and ambulances at my house 3 times over the last 2 years. Their latest visit was in November. First visit was a Sunday night. Transported me to the hospital with an unbelievable BAC. Changed my mind 2 days later and discharged myself against medical advice.
Being the insane active alcoholic, I went directly to the liquor store, drank myself into further stupidity and police and ambulance were back at my house Wednesday night. Same ambulance crew too. Egads.....
It was embarrassing to me for a few days. After that, I realized that I'll prove myself through action. These neighbors have seen me be a drunken fool for 10 years. It'll take some time to prove myself. And that's OK. All part of recovery.
People are much more interested in themselves than they are with you. I always have to remind myself of that because self-centeredness is one of my flaws.
So don't sweat it! Keep on keeping on....the sober you is amazing!
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