So tired of the insanity
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Illinois
Posts: 123
So tired of the insanity
I've been on this site off and on a few times. Feeling like I am never going to beat this stupid alcohol "monkey on my back." I am so tired of trying and failing. All the fails have really dragged me down to nothing. I have been thinking lately that I would be better off not existing---for my husband and children. What good am I if I am a drunk most of the time? Won't I hurt them more than help them? If I can't stop, then what's the use of living?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,438
Hi Ellen
welcome back
I felt like I would never get it too - I tried for 15 years.
Whats your support network like right now - are you open to looking into other things to help bolster that?
What changes do you think you can make in your life to help make recovery stick?
I don't believe anyone's hopeless, but sometimes I think we have to take a step back - look at what's working...and what's not...and re-assess where we are?
there's a ton of support here as you know - why not join the Class of February thread?
D
welcome back
I felt like I would never get it too - I tried for 15 years.
Whats your support network like right now - are you open to looking into other things to help bolster that?
What changes do you think you can make in your life to help make recovery stick?
I don't believe anyone's hopeless, but sometimes I think we have to take a step back - look at what's working...and what's not...and re-assess where we are?
there's a ton of support here as you know - why not join the Class of February thread?
D
Adventures In SpaceTime
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 5,827
Hi Ellen,
We can turn our failures into real successes! Its never too late either, to turn things around. Good to ear your tired of trying and failing, that's a healthy place to be, just don't beat yourself up, nothing good comes from that for any of us.
You're no less important because you're feeling sad. Feelings can change like the wind, so its best to be honest with ourselves and know there are always two sides to how we feel about things.
Good on you for reaching out and sharing!
You're in the right place to perhaps try some new ways forward!
We can turn our failures into real successes! Its never too late either, to turn things around. Good to ear your tired of trying and failing, that's a healthy place to be, just don't beat yourself up, nothing good comes from that for any of us.
You're no less important because you're feeling sad. Feelings can change like the wind, so its best to be honest with ourselves and know there are always two sides to how we feel about things.
Good on you for reaching out and sharing!
You're in the right place to perhaps try some new ways forward!
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Ellen36, I felt just like you 2 weeks ago. I knew for decades I needed to stop drinking, but I could never seem to stop drinking. I was just dragging the people I loved down with me. I'd been to meetings, I'd been to rehab. Nothing was working.
I joined this site and read about some new techniques to cope with the urge to drink. I have never been more hopeful that I have found a solution that will work for me. So, I urge you, never give up. Never give up. Never, never, never, never give up. Not in this. There are many paths. We can find yours.
I joined this site and read about some new techniques to cope with the urge to drink. I have never been more hopeful that I have found a solution that will work for me. So, I urge you, never give up. Never give up. Never, never, never, never give up. Not in this. There are many paths. We can find yours.
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
It was only when I admitted to myself that no matter how hard I tried alcohol had me beat. It was only then that things changed for me.
I guess in a way the old me no longer exists- but I am still here.
You can be too
I guess in a way the old me no longer exists- but I am still here.
You can be too
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Connecticut
Posts: 804
Hi Ellen,
I know where you are coming from. I've been there myself and it sure sucks. That feeling of hoplessness is hard to overcome. But it is possible. The first thing you have to do is stop drinking. I know you're thinking "thanks Captain Obvious". But it's true. To gain perspective, you need to somehow break the cycle. I drank, felt guilty, so then drank again. And repeated this for some time. The shame when I was sober(a rare occasion at the end) caused me to want to numb myself even more. It wasn't until I truly gave up the internal battle that I became free. It sounds as if you are close. When I determined that I didn't want to die and that I would do anything to become sober, it actually became easier. Now, those first few weeks are not easy, but the good news there is that you never have to go through that again. I have now been sober 8+ months and know without a doubt that life is worth living. You are worth something too. To your family and yourself. Be easy on yourself and focus on one day at a time.
I know where you are coming from. I've been there myself and it sure sucks. That feeling of hoplessness is hard to overcome. But it is possible. The first thing you have to do is stop drinking. I know you're thinking "thanks Captain Obvious". But it's true. To gain perspective, you need to somehow break the cycle. I drank, felt guilty, so then drank again. And repeated this for some time. The shame when I was sober(a rare occasion at the end) caused me to want to numb myself even more. It wasn't until I truly gave up the internal battle that I became free. It sounds as if you are close. When I determined that I didn't want to die and that I would do anything to become sober, it actually became easier. Now, those first few weeks are not easy, but the good news there is that you never have to go through that again. I have now been sober 8+ months and know without a doubt that life is worth living. You are worth something too. To your family and yourself. Be easy on yourself and focus on one day at a time.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Wales UK
Posts: 859
Keep on stopping count the days feel proud even when your pushing against it all.
I guess you've been drinking some years , that's a lot of change not just the drink but the routine I imagine we've all given so many times , I must have given up every morning for a year or two but always took that first drink with hope that I could just leave there, didn't!
Your kids love you as you are just imagine how much more you they could get they love it.
They certainly don't want just a memory !
Keep on here if a slip happens learn from it , how did your hand get to the bottle , think at that point about the feeling of desperation and anger you will feel the next day not the momentary victory your AV or however you see it feels. It will be short lived and not worth it.
Keep on you can manage this problem .
Love John.
I guess you've been drinking some years , that's a lot of change not just the drink but the routine I imagine we've all given so many times , I must have given up every morning for a year or two but always took that first drink with hope that I could just leave there, didn't!
Your kids love you as you are just imagine how much more you they could get they love it.
They certainly don't want just a memory !
Keep on here if a slip happens learn from it , how did your hand get to the bottle , think at that point about the feeling of desperation and anger you will feel the next day not the momentary victory your AV or however you see it feels. It will be short lived and not worth it.
Keep on you can manage this problem .
Love John.
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