Out of the routine
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 16
Out of the routine
Okay so, I'm sober for 4 days now. Been really lazy and moody but proud. My motivation is still good. Traveling is a big part of my job. Often lots of driving. I think i can make it through a three night 1000 mile trip next week but am wondering how I will handle a three day tradeshow party with my company in the near future. Dinners and entertaining is a lot of what I do. No one will care if im not drinking or not but am worried about keeping to the dilligance of saying no in that environment. Does anyone have experience with this? Thanks in advance.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,439
Hi suburbfamilyguy 
I've never been in your situation but I was a musician in recovery....
After a while saying no becomes a badge of honour - but only if you're not ashamed to be a non drinker.
You don't need to take out full page ads...it's nobodys business but yours...but I think you do have to be prepared to say no thanks I'm not drinking.
lets face it there's many reasons to be a teetotaler - besides alcoholism health/fitness, responsibility, medications, religion...
If you're trying to hide your non drinker status still - especially in situations like this - that will make things harder I think.
D
I've never been in your situation but I was a musician in recovery....
After a while saying no becomes a badge of honour - but only if you're not ashamed to be a non drinker.
You don't need to take out full page ads...it's nobodys business but yours...but I think you do have to be prepared to say no thanks I'm not drinking.
lets face it there's many reasons to be a teetotaler - besides alcoholism health/fitness, responsibility, medications, religion...
If you're trying to hide your non drinker status still - especially in situations like this - that will make things harder I think.
D
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,564
Hi suburban. It was difficult for me in the beginning, but drinking was part of my life for a long time. After I got over a few hurdles, it became much easier. It doesn't stay as intense as when you first quit.
I think you'll feel very proud and encouraged getting through the tradeshow without caving. Congratulations on your 4 days. You can do this.
I think you'll feel very proud and encouraged getting through the tradeshow without caving. Congratulations on your 4 days. You can do this.
Clear Eyes Full Heart
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,272
You're off to a great start. Think of it this way...life is going to hand you so many opportunities to drink and so many tests. A 3 day show will be a big one. There will be weddings, funerals, birthdays, reunions, family parties, etc. You will have to get through all of them sober if you're really committed to quitting.
I've found that thinking the situation all the way through way beforehand over and over again has helped a lot. Talking yourself out of drinking before the occasion so you have already dealt with all of your rationalizations on why it might be a good idea to drink. Also, the "not tonight, maybe tomorrow" helps. You feel like you have a choice/options. Think small "I just won't drink at the dinner" then "I won't drink at the after party" and so on.
Focus on the positives-you'll represent yourself better-it is work after all. You won't have anything to be embarrassed about. You won't be breathing stinky booze breath on anyone at breakfast
I've found that thinking the situation all the way through way beforehand over and over again has helped a lot. Talking yourself out of drinking before the occasion so you have already dealt with all of your rationalizations on why it might be a good idea to drink. Also, the "not tonight, maybe tomorrow" helps. You feel like you have a choice/options. Think small "I just won't drink at the dinner" then "I won't drink at the after party" and so on.
Focus on the positives-you'll represent yourself better-it is work after all. You won't have anything to be embarrassed about. You won't be breathing stinky booze breath on anyone at breakfast
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 16
I have my first social setting tonight after 6 days of sobriety. Planning to do what Dee says and wear sobriety like a badge of honor. My wife actually wants to go out somewhere with me again like this. Like Freefall says, I am going to play this through in my mind before hand. Any advice for mindset and/or what to drink would be appreciated.
Sincerely,
Sincerely,
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Central America/Florida USA
Posts: 4,064
Please ask yourself this question and answer it honestly: Do you really NEED to be out "entertaining" to get the business done? I worked in sales for many years, did many conferences, etc. It was fun to think that the dinners and happy hours were "part of my job", but really they weren't. I closed sales based on figures, numbers, and conversations - NOT by telling stories at a bar. Buyers don't care if you have a great story about a bikini contest in Cancun, they just want your product to fit their needs and their budget.
If you don't need to actually be out entertaining to get the "business" done on this road trip, then stay home in the hotel room after 5pm. Rent a movie, go for a walk, drive into town and take pictures of the city. No need to pigeon-hole yourself into these dangerous situations. Just my .02. Good luck!
If you don't need to actually be out entertaining to get the "business" done on this road trip, then stay home in the hotel room after 5pm. Rent a movie, go for a walk, drive into town and take pictures of the city. No need to pigeon-hole yourself into these dangerous situations. Just my .02. Good luck!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 16
Day 7 sober today! (I skipped the retirement party last night, thanks Sombrero!) I am feeling more emotions than before. Most of which were buried and lost forever due to the alcohol. Still cannot articulate my feelings very well but have more confidence in trying. Ive lost several inches around the middle and am starting to sleep better and wake up with some energy. I think I will become a "morning person". I am anxious to look forward to some more recovery benchmarks, like Day 20, 2 months etc if anyone has any. This forum is great because it is so easy to find support exactly when you need it. It was especially helpful last night in getting through my first sober weekend in several years. Thanks again everyone.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 1,359
Glad to hear you are doing so well!
With regards to saying no to a drink, I look back to when I was drinking and out with friends or whatever and there would invariably be one that said oh no, I'm driving, or no, just not feeling like it tonight and I'd actually be a little envious - a bit wow! How do you do that? How can you get through this without a drink and be ok about it?
I don't *think* any of them had a drink problem. But maybe they did, maybe they were being extremely strong for themselves, whilst feeling completely out of sorts, maybe they were envious of me for drinking... and there's me thinking... I wish I could be more like you. I suspect it happens a lot more than we know.
With regards to saying no to a drink, I look back to when I was drinking and out with friends or whatever and there would invariably be one that said oh no, I'm driving, or no, just not feeling like it tonight and I'd actually be a little envious - a bit wow! How do you do that? How can you get through this without a drink and be ok about it?
I don't *think* any of them had a drink problem. But maybe they did, maybe they were being extremely strong for themselves, whilst feeling completely out of sorts, maybe they were envious of me for drinking... and there's me thinking... I wish I could be more like you. I suspect it happens a lot more than we know.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 16
12 days Sober. I take Lexapro daily and my doc just added Propranolol to be taken before a presentation or other anxiety generating event. I have lost a few inches but no pounds. Sleeping better now. Im hungry for encouragment as my wife seems to be just waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 16
Sober like a rock star!
Day 16 sober today. It has really helped me to look back at all of your supporting comments. News traveled fast through my group and while i generally dont like to be singled out it is probably good that everyone is aware now that "I Quit". Looking forward to talking with some different folks at dinner tonight. I certainly dont miss the feeling/obligation to quickly head to the bar and "get started". My doctor added Proponolol to my Lexapro and it does seem to keep my anxiety down and am more able to relax. No anxious energy to find that drinking plateau right now at 5:pm which is really good for me.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Sounds like you're doing a great job, familyguy! It's not always easy to do the dinner-and-drinks thing..... I felt a bit left out when I first got sober, but I just had to trust my instinct to know when to stay away and when to go. It doesn't bother me at all anymore. I enjoy being sober - the conversations are much more interesting!
Keep up the good work!
Keep up the good work!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 173
Day 22, I hope you are able to think of ONE good reason to stay sober. For me it is the memory (misery) of my last drunk.I will never have to do that again!! I hope you are working a program of recovery. There are many different suggestions on this site, all worth considering as help in your sober life. AVERT might be some good research. All the Best!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 31
Next time you can think of a million reasons why you should have a drink right now, do something for me...
Grab a pen and paper and list the top ten reasons why you should have a drink .. then list the top 20 reasons why you shouldn't, citing specific past episodes that went really badly.
I would usually discover a few important things from this.. one is that a lot of those "reasons" I needed a drink were actually pretty silly, so silly in fact I couldn't in good concsience write them down, leaving me struggling to make it to 10. Yet the other list was so easy to fill out I would usually realize when i stopped at 20 that I could keep going for miles. If you still feel the need to drink then break down your drinking list one item at a time and ask yourself if there is an alternative.. For example my number one item was usually "I need a drink to handle the stress" .. and my alternative solution was usually "Talk to a friend" and exercise/go for a walk.
The alternatives will leave you with more money, more dignity, make you a better/healthier person and make you stronger. Every little victory over the whispers leaves you empowered and gives you a reserve of strength to draw on the next time.
This was my experience anyway. I am having to put them back into practice once again, but I did it before and I will do it again.
Sounds from your posts like your doing fantastic. Be proud of yourself and how far you have come, you sound excited to be on this new path and you should be. Stay strong and ever vigilant and you will make it.
Sending you wishes for strength and willpower
-Az
Grab a pen and paper and list the top ten reasons why you should have a drink .. then list the top 20 reasons why you shouldn't, citing specific past episodes that went really badly.
I would usually discover a few important things from this.. one is that a lot of those "reasons" I needed a drink were actually pretty silly, so silly in fact I couldn't in good concsience write them down, leaving me struggling to make it to 10. Yet the other list was so easy to fill out I would usually realize when i stopped at 20 that I could keep going for miles. If you still feel the need to drink then break down your drinking list one item at a time and ask yourself if there is an alternative.. For example my number one item was usually "I need a drink to handle the stress" .. and my alternative solution was usually "Talk to a friend" and exercise/go for a walk.
The alternatives will leave you with more money, more dignity, make you a better/healthier person and make you stronger. Every little victory over the whispers leaves you empowered and gives you a reserve of strength to draw on the next time.
This was my experience anyway. I am having to put them back into practice once again, but I did it before and I will do it again.
Sounds from your posts like your doing fantastic. Be proud of yourself and how far you have come, you sound excited to be on this new path and you should be. Stay strong and ever vigilant and you will make it.
Sending you wishes for strength and willpower
-Az
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