how do I let it go without feeling like a fool?
 

My husband is an alcoholic. He didn't even drink when we were first married; he smoked weed, we both did. After failing a couple drug tests, he realized that it was a threat to his career and he quit. It didn't take long for him to take up drinking, which didn't take long to become a serious problem. By that time, we were married for several years, built a house, had careers...we were successful and happy, which is why I just don't understand this.

He started drinking jagerbombs, which are bascially crack for alcoholics. That's when it started to escalate. He got obnoxious and cocky and I really started not to like him when he drank. Then he started going completely nuts, right off the deep end. Paranoid and angry. It wasn't really violent and it was never really directed at me, but there was rage.

Fast-forward 5 years. He has lied time and time again. Driven home drunk time and time again (even though his career would be ended by a DUI). Lately, he's mean to me. He screams at me and 2 months ago, he called me the "C" word, twice. I would have preferred that he actually slap me in the face becuase that was about the same as being stabbed in the heart...and he knows that.

The hard part is that he's a really good man without the alcohol. He works hard. He's home with me. He wants to take care of me and be good to me. So we have good times for a while...then he just goes back to it. It builds and builds to some kind of incident. The most recent - he got drunk at a restaurant to the point that he threw up several times in the parking lot. I was on my way to pick him up when the manager call from his (just wanted to make sure someone really was coming). He didn't drive or go crazy or anything so it wasn't as bad as some of the past incidents...but it was embarassing for me.

There's so much more...

Welcome to Sober Recovery. So sorry for what brings you here.

I quit pot and it wasn't long before my drinking got out of hand. As a recovering drunk I have only two pieces of advice:

1) He won't recovery until he's ready.
2) You can only fix you.

Suggest you visit our friends and family section. Lot of folks there who have gone through or are going through exactly what you are:

Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

I am sorry for your pain. Alcoholism is a family disease and he is doing what alcoholics do. One thing is for certain. He will not get better until he wants to get better. I was always sorry for hurting my family but never sorry enough to quit drinking.

I would suggest Alanon for some guidance on how to deal with your situation. You will not be able to fix him but there is a lot you can do for yourself.

I'm so sorry for your pain sadwife but I'm glad you've found us - you'll find a lot of support and advice here.

Please do also check out that forum Carl mentioned as well :)

D

Im sorry for what you are going though, Im glad however you did not take the road I did, The "well if ya can't beat 'em join 'em"
I got tired of being told I wasn't fun, because I didn't know how to let loose & drink & party. So fast forward 10 yrs, & finally am finding my sobriety, and so wishing for those wasted years back. ~ God Bless!