3 weeks today, and I'm doing O.K!
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: "I'm not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost ..."
Posts: 5,273
Originally Posted by Gforce23
Well in answer to your question see my lengthy post on page 2!
My question was really intended to be rhetorical. I probably should have said, "You can learn not to be so hard on yourself."
I enjoy the affects of alcohol, so it's to bad that the AFTER affects are such a BI-HATCH. Maybe someday some smart scientist will find a pill for those of us with genetic predispositions to alcohol problems to enjoy it sensibly.
heh heh. Oh you know, it was probably a bunch of "blah blah blah my life was so hard blah blah blah," and you've probably already read it anyway, so no worries!
[/QUOTE]My question was really intended to be rhetorical. I probably should have said, "You can learn not to be so hard on yourself."
[/QUOTE]
Yeah, I'm sure I could. However, I'm also just a drama queen perfectionista. I am particular abut getting certain things right, and I get frustrated when I don't-- but only momentarily and dramatically. I'm working on it.
[/QUOTE]Cool concept and probably useful for many. I would not take such a pill. Weird right?[/QUOTE]
You know, when I wrote that, I anticipated that more than a few people might have that reaction, and I suspected that you would be one of them... No, I don't think it's weird. Maybe I'll feel that way someday too.
XO
[/QUOTE]My question was really intended to be rhetorical. I probably should have said, "You can learn not to be so hard on yourself."
[/QUOTE]
Yeah, I'm sure I could. However, I'm also just a drama queen perfectionista. I am particular abut getting certain things right, and I get frustrated when I don't-- but only momentarily and dramatically. I'm working on it.
[/QUOTE]Cool concept and probably useful for many. I would not take such a pill. Weird right?[/QUOTE]
You know, when I wrote that, I anticipated that more than a few people might have that reaction, and I suspected that you would be one of them... No, I don't think it's weird. Maybe I'll feel that way someday too.
XO
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: "I'm not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost ..."
Posts: 5,273
Well if I had read someone saying they wouldn't take the magic pill, personally I would have been all, "omg they are SO lying right now" but you know, weirdly, I really wouldn't. I have come to appreciate all of life, even the sharp edges. I like being fully present. It's hard for me to put into words honestly.
I wouldn't take the pill either. Past tense.
I was in deep depression after cardiac surgery. Turns out that's pretty common for folks like me. It was a really deep clinical depression. You don't have thoughts of suicide when you're worried about dying every second of the day. Literally sitting at work and wondering if you are going to make it to the next moment.
Or lying in bed on a Saturday for hours, as still as you can be, waiting to die right then - at that moment. Why commit suicide when you'll die NOW.
Or if you've been on the operating table, staring up at the lights like in the movies, and you know they're going to crack your chest open in a couple of minutes.
When death is not a moment away - it's NOW.
My doctor finally convinced me to take an anti depressant - and thank heaven for her. That, to me was the pill - not to cure me of drinking - but to release me from that black hole of clinical depression.
So - while I hate the idea of taking drugs for a behavioral and cognitive cure - they can work.
Long post - dang!
I was in deep depression after cardiac surgery. Turns out that's pretty common for folks like me. It was a really deep clinical depression. You don't have thoughts of suicide when you're worried about dying every second of the day. Literally sitting at work and wondering if you are going to make it to the next moment.
Or lying in bed on a Saturday for hours, as still as you can be, waiting to die right then - at that moment. Why commit suicide when you'll die NOW.
Or if you've been on the operating table, staring up at the lights like in the movies, and you know they're going to crack your chest open in a couple of minutes.
When death is not a moment away - it's NOW.
My doctor finally convinced me to take an anti depressant - and thank heaven for her. That, to me was the pill - not to cure me of drinking - but to release me from that black hole of clinical depression.
So - while I hate the idea of taking drugs for a behavioral and cognitive cure - they can work.
Long post - dang!
Paul, are my posts really that long? Wait. Don't answer that. I guess I like the way my words look on a page the same way I like to hear myself talk
Hey check this out folks:
Last week I went to my home group meeting, and I sitting next to this older/hipster/Scottish gentlemen, and he was telling me how rough it was when he quit drinking because a musician in rock band. So I tell that I play a bit of music myself, and he points out a woman across the room and says, "You should here her play and sing sometime, she plays around a lot." That night, I didn't talk to her about it--however, I saw her at the next women's meeting in town, and the subject came up. Turns out she's getting together with another newly sober girl who wants to learn how to play guitar. Of course I asked if I could jump in the group, and she said heck yeah!
So, now I'm going to get to play music with some sober ladies, and I don't have to worry about playing music as an either or thing. HOW cool is that? She told me she has been performing on stage all her life. So, here I am, a chick with a big voice and a guitar, but since adult hood, the thought of getting up in front of people to play/sing terrifies me to the core. So I'm hoping maybe I've found a mentor in this dept. Maybe I shouldn't count chickens before their hatched, as disappointment sucks. However, I'm pretty stoked on the possibility...!
Cheers
Last week I went to my home group meeting, and I sitting next to this older/hipster/Scottish gentlemen, and he was telling me how rough it was when he quit drinking because a musician in rock band. So I tell that I play a bit of music myself, and he points out a woman across the room and says, "You should here her play and sing sometime, she plays around a lot." That night, I didn't talk to her about it--however, I saw her at the next women's meeting in town, and the subject came up. Turns out she's getting together with another newly sober girl who wants to learn how to play guitar. Of course I asked if I could jump in the group, and she said heck yeah!
So, now I'm going to get to play music with some sober ladies, and I don't have to worry about playing music as an either or thing. HOW cool is that? She told me she has been performing on stage all her life. So, here I am, a chick with a big voice and a guitar, but since adult hood, the thought of getting up in front of people to play/sing terrifies me to the core. So I'm hoping maybe I've found a mentor in this dept. Maybe I shouldn't count chickens before their hatched, as disappointment sucks. However, I'm pretty stoked on the possibility...!
Cheers
Well, maybe not all of you have the same appreciation for loud rock that I do, and considering that right now I am listening to the MELVINS at volumes that might make your ears bleed, I WANNA ROCK!
And besides, it's getting me pumped to go on my mountain bike ride in a bit....
Oh yeah, and thanks Clearlight. Thanks, I'm glad I'm not just over here wankin' off (sorry for the imagery) so to speak, and that people besides me are getting something out of it.
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: "I'm not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost ..."
Posts: 5,273
G...there are lots of sober musicians around here. I personally know of three ppl right off the top of my head that play in our local venues. If the thought of performing sober scares you then that's good. What a great opportunity for growth. I love doing sh*t that scares me.
G...there are lots of sober musicians around here. I personally know of three ppl right off the top of my head that play in our local venues. If the thought of performing sober scares you then that's good. What a great opportunity for growth. I love doing sh*t that scares me.
What scares me is the thought hanging out and "jamming" with people that are partying--at least for the next little while.
Oh yeah, now I'm having a dance party with Blackalicious, "Here's to all the alcoholics chillin' up in A.A"
"Attackin wack amateurs and back stabbing salamanders
Creeping while I'm peeping on 'em (party time)
Before I used to hit the meetings it was (Thunderbird wine) (used to drink the Ole)
Now I drink Calistoga, sober and I'm older
But the world is still gettin colder (hold up)
The Gift of Gab don't stop (the way I feel I have just got to rock)"
Gift of Gab, Rock the Spot!--album, Blackilicious A2G
Sorry, I guess I'm in a good mood today......
Yeah - I caught the AC/DC reference. Pretty clever!
While I do like rocking music, along with all kinds of other stuff, ACDC just isn't my thing. There's a gal at work that loves ACDC and Pavarotti - go figure.
Since you like metal I think you will appreciate this video - it's Steve Vai talking about his audition for Frank Zappa. Very funny - to me anyway.
http://youtu.be/Xx1RguHA4XE]Steve Va...tion - YouTube
While I do like rocking music, along with all kinds of other stuff, ACDC just isn't my thing. There's a gal at work that loves ACDC and Pavarotti - go figure.
Since you like metal I think you will appreciate this video - it's Steve Vai talking about his audition for Frank Zappa. Very funny - to me anyway.
http://youtu.be/Xx1RguHA4XE]Steve Va...tion - YouTube
Oh, I'm just having fun. This whole sobriety thing can get so serious and maudlin at times, I just gotta bust out with some sillyness once and a while.
P.S, Clearlight, I do like some metal--but not all Metal. I'm not really a metal head, I'm a GOOD MUSIC HEAD. That pretty much means that I don't care what genre it's in if it's good, it's good. I guess that's pretty subjective, but I've been into music since I was a high school lass when I discovered the College radio station in Santa Barbara. I fell in love with Joy Division and the Ramones and the rest is history. I like Baroque acapella and Opera too, so go figure.
IN any case, I went out on the mountain on my bike for the first time since November, so I'm feeling high on life right now. My work at the gym is paying off. I made it up a steep technical section that I'm sure wouldn't have been able to pull off 3 months ago. I'm starting to ROCK IT out there. I just need a little more work...but it's coming.
I've had so many threads and posts dealing with the hard, scary, uncomfortable and sad parts of this journey, I thought I'd just post some good times here too, just to show that it ain't all bad. I'm sure there will be some more bad, but I'm not going to dwell on that right now.
One of the topics at the women's meeting was "gratitude." Now granted, I am cynical gal, and really, gratitude junkies that seem like they drank the A.A. cool-aid kind of drive me bonkers. However, here's what I'm grateful for:
This website and the people on it.
My beautiful boy,
The amazing part of the world I live in
The funky town that I finally live in after 5 years of pining to live here.
The fact that I can get on my mountain bike, ride, um, 1 block, be in the community forest that has all kinds of amazing trails, and up the mountain in a half an hour.
Peace!
Cheers SR friends.
P.S, Clearlight, I do like some metal--but not all Metal. I'm not really a metal head, I'm a GOOD MUSIC HEAD. That pretty much means that I don't care what genre it's in if it's good, it's good. I guess that's pretty subjective, but I've been into music since I was a high school lass when I discovered the College radio station in Santa Barbara. I fell in love with Joy Division and the Ramones and the rest is history. I like Baroque acapella and Opera too, so go figure.
IN any case, I went out on the mountain on my bike for the first time since November, so I'm feeling high on life right now. My work at the gym is paying off. I made it up a steep technical section that I'm sure wouldn't have been able to pull off 3 months ago. I'm starting to ROCK IT out there. I just need a little more work...but it's coming.
I've had so many threads and posts dealing with the hard, scary, uncomfortable and sad parts of this journey, I thought I'd just post some good times here too, just to show that it ain't all bad. I'm sure there will be some more bad, but I'm not going to dwell on that right now.
One of the topics at the women's meeting was "gratitude." Now granted, I am cynical gal, and really, gratitude junkies that seem like they drank the A.A. cool-aid kind of drive me bonkers. However, here's what I'm grateful for:
This website and the people on it.
My beautiful boy,
The amazing part of the world I live in
The funky town that I finally live in after 5 years of pining to live here.
The fact that I can get on my mountain bike, ride, um, 1 block, be in the community forest that has all kinds of amazing trails, and up the mountain in a half an hour.
Peace!
Cheers SR friends.
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