Geek87

Hi All,

I've been contemplating posting on this board for some time now...

I can't stop drinking for more than a day. It seems like no matter how crappy I feel in the morning, by 5 or 6pm, I am drinking again. An average work night for me is either 4 to 6 draft beers, a bottle of red wine, or 4-6 double vodka-tonic's.

In the morning I take an advil and drink water, then usually get a breakfast sandwitch - not good, I know. I'm about 20Lbs overweight now and climbing.

My problem is that I am a functional alcoholic - at least I think I am. I own a successful business, and generally have a pretty good life. I just know it could be so much better if I just didn't drink all the time. I mean, I wish I was someone who could have a beer after work or a glass of wine with dinner 2 or 3 days a week but once I start, I drink until bed time every single time.

I don't know what to do. I don't think I have the will power.

Help

doggonecarl

Welcome to SR.

Sobriety is scarier before you quit drinking than it is after. But you do have to quit.

Functional alcoholic? That's an oxymoron. We all functioned, to a degree. You will function so much better if you aren't drinking.

TacoDude

Thanks for reaching out, Geek. It seems you have found that you cannot just have one or two drinks, and willpower just doesn't seem to be working.

Have you done any research on the various programs that are available, such as AA, RR, or AVRT?

soopy99

This is my story as well; i drink about the same amount, and i am struggling too. It's easy to go a day or two without drinking, but it is very hard to consistently just have one or two.

I think the solution may be pretty simple. I can't have the first one after I get home. I have to admit that drinking isn't an option. And once I make it a few days or weeks and start feeling better, I can't convince myself that I don't have a problem.

MeetJohnDoe

I lost 20 pounds after I stopped drinking. Now at 155. Consider reading Benton's "Understanding the High Functioning Alcoholic". I haven't finished it yet. The last chapter of Pete Hamill's "A Drinking Life" and Carolyn Knapp's "Drinking a Love Story" put me on the path to recovery. I'm not into groupthink so AA would never work for me personally, though I know it helps others. Just not my cup of tea.

YVRguy

Hey Geek87

I think Taco has a good suggestion as there are lots of programs to consider if you feel you have a problem with alcohol.

I know I chased the elusive and impossible dream I could drink like other people but for myself the truth was I could not. In my case it simply got worse over time.

Life should be more than functioning and I agree with DGC with functional alcoholic being kind of an oxymoron and illusion. Do you see yourself as an alcoholic? If so you are at the right place here on SR as lots of folks can be helpful.

artsoul

Welcome, Geek!

I drank like you, telling myself I was going to quit/cut down, and caving in by evening......about a bottle of wine every night at the end. I still managed to keep it together on the outside, but inside was a different story. Alcohol creates depression and anxiety and it gets harder and harder to deal with things.

You're not alone. I was terrified just thinking about life without drinking, but coming here helped me finally decide to take that first step. Thing really will get better. Stay close to this forum and get help with detoxing if you need it (some doctors now specialize in addiction/detox, which makes it a little easier for us to admit the extent of our problem).

Keep reading and posting - we're glad you're here!

YouRmySunshine

I was one of those "functional alcoholics" too for many years, but looking back now I'm guessing I fooled far less people than I thought, They just learned to turn they other cheek. It wasn't until I figured out I couldn't fool myself anymore, that I got serious. But like I said it took me years I wasted that I would give ANYTHING to get back!

Geek87

Thanks Guys. I totally agree. The idea that I can somehow go back to being a normal drinker is crazy. I have a problem and I know it.

I went 24 hours without a drink last week and the extent of my withdraw symptoms were a headache and irritability. I know I can do this I just need a big reason - at the end of the workday I think boredom is really what makes me drink in the first place. That and escaping from the stresses of running my own shop.

I hate to admit that as I am writing this post I am having a drink - couldnt help it. I guess I will have to start tomorrow.

AcceptingChange

Those books played a big part in my recovery. Knapp's book i listened to 4 times, and i have scenes memorized.
She said "I'd get so drunk, black out, and wake up in some strange place. Then i'd be shocked, shocked! that i lost my wallet, and forgot where i parked my car."

I used to be shocked too. And i'm embarrassed that i actually would be angry at "the world" when i was the cause of my memory loss and poor behavior. Our minds certainly can play tricks on us, rearranging the facts so we feel it's not our fault.

MeetJohnDoe

Make sure you eat something. And don't get lost inside your head. Find something outside yourself you can believe in.

MIRecovery

The problem is tomorrow never comes because it is always today. Pour out all the booze in the house and start this second or you can continue to drink and have more misery tomorrow.

AA was my last hope and it worked. Getting to a meeting is a great way to getting sober

FamilyMan2153

You tell your kid not to touch the hot stove.... He does it anyway. The same goes for drinking. I will tell you that it can get much worse for you. It never gets better until you quit but most don't heed the warning and get burned. I hope you find the courage to quit today but if not, keep posting, reading and looking for help. Good luck.

doggonecarl

If it is boredom that makes you drink, quit drinking and get a hobby. You should be fine. Same with stress, find a healthy way to deal with it.

But you know that's a BS reason. By the time we are seeking support on an online recovery site, we are drinking because we are alcoholics. Period.

Start thinking seriously about how you are going to deal with this.

OneLessLonely

There is more living you can do once you quit drinking. I remember that cycle, thinking "there has to be more than this." And there is. But alcohol holds you back from so much. It's daunting when you think you have to do it alone and by willpower only. I couldn't do it that way. What helped me was to make a plan, get support, and accept and be aware that there would be times when I was unhappy and uncomfortable and that I would have to just experience it. I wish you the best.

bigsombrero

Good post. I was functional for quite sometime, years even, while drinking heavily. The job is always the last thing to go - by remaining employed or running a business, we create an easy crutch.

"I'm not THAT bad - heck, I have a nice job and do well at work" ... it's always the first thing I said to ease my fears. But, eventually, my performance suffered. Shaking and always on edge at work. Anxiety through the roof, so badly that I could not even hold meetings or chat with clients. I quit voluntarily when I found out I was going to be reassigned. Once that facade collapsed, it was a quick spiral into a complete train wreck.

Very encouraging to see you posting here, and taking initiative. I was not able to stop myself, I needed help - regardless of what method works for you, keep confident and you can kick this problem. Good luck.