ummmm

What up I just joined today because last night was terrible. I have already met a couple people who are incredibly supportive in the chat room, so that's cool. Not sure I'm ready to actually do anything about the alcohol thing, but I guess this is a step. Sitting here typing doesn't feel like I'm making any progress, though. It was nice to have a sounding board it the chat room to get out everything that makes me a bad person. Actually I don't think I articulated everything; that would take a novel. I find myself wondering why some people still like me (not many, but some). I'm a dick and rarely have anything positive to say about anything, especially humanity. I didn't used to be a dick, though. I think maybe it started in 2002 in college, but in retrospect I had nothing to complain about then. Cynicism and pessimism dominate most of my thoughts. It snowed here recently, and everyone was like, "How beautiful!", and I was like, "********. All it means is a dirty foyer, cold wet feet, a bunch of ice on the ground to slip on, and no riding (bmx) until it thaws." Just one example of how I dwell on negative things. The glass is definitely half empty. All I can think about is drinking after work to try to forget how much I hate everything. Especially myself. Hopefully there will be no human interactions on the way back to my cave other than the transactions at the liquor stores on the walk and at the subway stations. Booo, life.

Dee74

welcome ummm

after I stopped drinking, I realised just how much my steady heavy drinking contributed to me hating everything.

I hope you decide to give sobriety a go - I reckon you might find the same?

D

Fallow

Oh yeah. Ive been there with those same type thoughts. Up until recently I didnt recognize my negative outlook on life was because I wanted to change reality to suit my wishes.

When that didnt work I changed my vision of reality. Until that stopped working...

coraltint

reachin' out here is something different.....it's a good start. you know life isn't just meant to be endured. something's missing, and you're trying to fill the hole with booze....I know because I did that too.

keep comin around here....you'll talk to people who once felt just like you do now & their glass is half full now.

hypochondriac

I like you already Ummm I like cynical and pessimistic people. It shows you have a brain, and a heart. I don't think you can be cynical if you didn't wish things were better, so that means you care, yay! Stick around, SR really can help you quit if you want to x

Windancer

I can relate.
When I was at my worst with my drinking, EVERYTHING was bad.....myself, the world, everything. It got better when I began recovering.
You are very honest! Thats great. SR is really cool...it helps me a lot.

LexieCat

Well, if you want to turn back into a Richard (maybe with a touch of irony and cynicism that doesn't involve hating everything), getting rid of the alcohol in your life would be a real good start.

Alcohol is a major depressant. You are bathing your brain in it every day. No wonder things look bleak. Not to mention, all that self-loathing that goes along with it.

I find AA to be a great way to live sober. It's changed my own attitude around dramatically. And we have a ton of people around who came in just like you. There's one guy that still carries the name "Happy Jack" from when he first came into the rooms a dozen or so years ago--and it was like calling the fat guy "Slim" or "PeeWee".

Give it a shot. Being a miserable SOB is bad enough when you're young, but do you really want to be one of those miserable old guys?