peanuts7

i have to stop. i ended up in hospital at the weekend after drinking myself unconscious in a town bar. i am mortified. im struggling with guilt about the whole thing at the moment and i am still hungover. i cant drink anymore, this is ridiculous. i hit self destruct the minute alcohol touches my lips, im disgusted with myself and completely ashamed.

im scaring myself though because i already feel the urge to drink again the minute i feel stressed. i am a binge drinker. i want to stop but i feel like its only a matter of time before i do it again. and each time gets steadily worse.

Spinach

After the first few days start feeling pride at not drinking . You said it when,I hit self destruct the moment alcohol hits your lips. It's the first drink that you've got to stop after that it becomes difficult to impossible.
Keep reading and posting here. Use any tool any agency that will help.
It's difficult at first so see a Dr !
Oh and don't think life is not worth it without the drink ,that's just a feeling in fact life is fantastic without. Your not tied down you call the shots and money etc
Good luck if you fail keep on giving up till it works.
John.

ntmu

i'm new so i'm probably not wording this properly, my thoughts may not be the best;

(i know, i'm offering advice, from experience of a drunk, but they're asking for help)

a long term inpatient program could help you stay clean for awhile while you work on the underlying causes of your desire to drink so much. search the options in your area, call them too, ask questions.
also, go to an a AA meeting ASAP, tell someone there what you've said here, pick someone there & tell them.
you can call an AA hotline too.
take it easy, relax, take care of your self in a healthy way, no drinking, find some peace
call a professional
don't panic
that emoticon is freaking me
so i offered some newbie advice

soberclover

I think it is great that you already know enough about yourself that you are a binge drinker who is triggered by stress. The part that I'm worried about for you is that you feel like it is only a matter of time before you drink again. I am pretty new myself but what I've learned is to "act as if". I have to act like I will never drink again. What that means for me is finding ways to especially deal with my stress. I have been donig a lot of reading, I'm in counseling, I am having some massage therapy done on my stress areas, and I'm spenidng a lot of time reading on the SR board. It is really helpful!

It will get worse each time. I got divorced, got in a car accident, and have been hospitalized. The last time I was in the hopsital with a significant head/brain injury. It isn't worth it. You are worth it. Please find the support you need!

NYRFAN

Hi peanuts, I think you pointed out something HUGE, each time it gets steadily worse. I can only speak to my experience, but the first time I drank myself into the hospital, I thought that was my bottom. Boy was I wrong. Every time I went out was worse and worse, and the progression was faster and faster. I'm still early on this road, but the only thing I could suggest is to take this deadly serious. I didn't at first, I treated it like a game. I was able to make myself think that drinking myself into the hospital wasn't a big deal (crazy thinking). Like others have said, try to get some support. Take it one day at a time. Good luck, remember, this is your life you're talking about, and it is important!

peanuts7

thanks john. i will definitely keep in mind about not even having the first drink. i think if its possible there is an alcoholic gene in our family, no one has any self control, most of my family dont touch alcohol whatsoever anymore because of the inability to stop. its sort of sad im going to have to cut out the scoial aspect but ultimately its not worth it.

thanks for this, its comforting that anyone responded to be honest. i feel so pathetic right now i was expecting to not hear back from anyone! i really need to cut the ******** and look after myself. ironically one of the things that put me on this downward spiral was the prospect of losing my mother to cancer, and then i voluntarily pay to end up in hospital wasting hospital time. its absolutely shameful.

seriously thank you for sharing this. i am so sorry all those things happened to you. i definitely need to change my attitude and convince myself alcohol doesnt even exist. i am so, so lucky ive not ended up worse off than i have so far. ive put myself in the most ridiculous situations, i ended up in the middle of nowhere with a complete stranger more than once, ive been behind the wheel, im just so thankful i didnt physically lash out in the hospital because i got verbally aggressive. hopefully this shame will pass and i will be able to stick to it that alcohol is no longer an option in my life.


thanks so much for the answers everyone, i really appreciate all the input.

TrixMixer

Hi Peanuts,

"Ironically what started me on my downward spiral was my mother having cancer"


BOY does that ring a bell! My mother died four years ago and went through three years if medical treatment for Leukemia related issues. IF there was EVER a Time my resolve was on the line it was then.

To watch our parents lose pieces of themselves everyday slowly---well it is agony, and a drink would have foged it out. I gave up drinking out of love for my Mom and that is the only reason I never poured myself a drink during that time. Hell I wouldn't have taken the time to find a glass, just straight out of the bottle--who am I kidding!!

Point is you realize you Need to stop and are at the end of the line of excuses, that is 1/2 way there. We will all answer when you post--that is what we are here for.

Perhaps you should try and find an addiction counselor or Doctor to help you with the physical and psychological aspects of quitting. It will be good to have to be accountable to someone

FreeFall

Peanuts, I think you're starting to face up to how destructive alcohol is for you and will have to come up with a solid plan to fight the addiction. If you stop, you won't have to feel that shame and self loathing that a binge brings again. You can be fully present for your mom. You can get your life back. You are not alone in this, we have all experiences we regret caused by drinking. Just don't rack up any more of them and you'll get peace of mind and be able to stand yourself again.

There is no magic wand, and you have to be the one that does it, but it can be done! You will also find that you can still be social without alcohol, it just takes practice and rethinking your usual patterns. You can't be social if you're in the hospital in a coma either.

MeetJohnDoe

It's all been said. But know we are here to support you. You don't want to travel the road I did. I'm just grateful I survived. I know you have to do it on your own terms, as did I. But please do it for yourself. Life gets so much better.

Dee74

I'm sorry to hear about your mom peanut - best wishes to both of you.

Outside of SR, what support do you have?

D

Luvdogs

Welcome to SR!

Two things that keep me from having a drink...and I tell this to myself everytime I have an urge, I'm doing this for my health and because I never want to feel shame/guilt ever again from drinking.

So many things in life we have zero control over but this isn't one of them. It is a nasty disease that has gotten all of us on here.

Keep posting and stay strong!

peanuts7

very true. i did go out this evening and stuck to soft drinks. completely different group though, very diverse bunch, i dont feel any pressure to drink with them even if they all are drinking. whereas with my peer group, i feel like its sort of expected & tales such as this one will be repeated for laughs in future, which kind of trivialises how serious things end up sometims. but lesson learnt, there is more to life than this rubbish. i dont want to keep repeating the same mistake anymore. i need to deal with problems properly instead of knocking myself out with booze.



im really going to try. i discussed it this evening with a friend who i do consider to be a full blown alcoholic, he drinks in the morning, noon, night every day. but he more or less spoke to me about his situation and of one of his long term drinking buddies very honestly. his friend paralysed his girlfriend from the waist down by drink driving, there was stories of nights slept outside, cutting tendons unintentionally, falling on glasses face first....though he was telling me this mid-pint it was like he was warning me off following suit and ending up like him. very surreal.

thank you D. erm i have my mum but i dont like to lean on her really for the obvious reason. but she has been supportive about this situation & agrees i need to stop. i have the drinking friends, who will probably be disappointed i will no longer be drinking with them so i might just distance myself for a bit from them...the crowd i saw today im not that close with but there is a few people (like the guy mentioned above) that are supportive....thats about it really. im usually the one counselling everyone else really, but i am slowly learning that its ok to lean on others from time to time.

peanuts7

i am ever so sorry about your mum. and thank you so much for the advice, it sounds like a very sensible idea, being accountable to someone else.


thank you so much i am definitely going to give it my all this time. i really dont want to feel this way again.

kizzy40

Good luck to you peanut, I hope you can find another outlet for your emotions.
I drank my feelings for years, it nearly destroyed me. Take care

Tamerua

Welcome! Binger here too... I remember after a bad weekend googling how to stop drinking and I found an AA site that said just avoid that first drink. That is all you have to do to start... That was comforting because it was so simple! I fought with myself for years over why I couldn't just have one or two like a normal person.

Hang in there, make a plan, post here.

peanuts7

thank you, love the dog btw i think ive nearly destroyed myself this weekend, im on the 4th day of a hangover now which is a new (completely disgusting) experience.

yeah i know what you mean, i was sat there last night watching people have one/two drinks like responsible people and i was a bit ashamed that i cant trust myself to do that & just have a nice time, ive always got to ruin it and go too far!! but i guess we're all different. im sure ill stop beating myself up when this hangover finally goes and i get the skin back on my knee and shoulder.

oh, and replace the shoes i lost. well i lost one actually but the remaining shoe is not really any use to me.

but yes, definitely avoiding the first drink i think is my way forward, too many times ive uttered the words "ill just have a quiet few and leave early". yeah right!