Relapse of a different flavor
 

I had 1 yr sober from alcohol in Jan. My DOC.
I have always liked pain pills, abused them occasionally but never "addicted" to where I couldn't quit. I would just take 2-3 day, whether or not I needed them just for the buzz & energy boost. Never increased the amount of pills, never got them illegally. I was prescribed various kinds throughout the yrs.
I have never been able to resist them if they are in my possession.
It had been 2-3 yrs since I've taken any.
Anyway, my husband had a bottle prescribed for dental surgery which I knew he wouldn't take, he's never liked pills, he drinks for pain.
I ignored them on the counter for a few days.
My AV would not let up. You can control this, it's only X amount of pills, blah blah
So I gave in.. I took 2 the first day. Felt great. Body was numb, full of energy, happy, then I took 3 for a few days. I had to hide the bottle so hubby would not notice them missing. I was taking them on empty stomach to get a better buzz...complete addict behavior.... my Beast went CRAZY, this would be better if you were drinking. I immediately started planning, how to get booze, hide it, tried to talk "trick" husband into buying me beer for SuperBowl, he said no.
Then we got snowed in for a few days, thank God.
I got up to 5/day & felt really ill, heart pounding, dizzy, felt awful.
I realized how I had resorted to my old self in a week's time. Luckily, the bottle was almost empty.
I came back to my senses & realized that is what I worked so hard to get away from.
Unfortunately I did not have the willpower to fess up or toss the rest. I finished the bottle.

My lesson was learned, I can't let my guard down.
I thank my Lord I did not start drinking again b/c that would not end.
I had to tell you, warn those who may come to this predicament.
If you've gotten free of any kind of addiction, don't go back. One can lead to another.


I know better now. Regrettably, PCL

I'm really glad you were self aware enough to learn the lesson without too much collateral damage PCL.

How are you feeling now?

D

I'm good Dee. Thanks.
I just wish I hadn't gone down that road.
It is what it is & I will rise up stronger from this.

I'm glad you're feeling better too.

It's really scary how quickly that voice can be reactivated, isn't it. And, I agree, you will definitely be stronger having gone through this.

...PCL I'm soo glad you are okay, and that you realized how fast you can lose control, it took me 5 long months...You are a strong lady!,.. I'm just happy you caught it and recognized it, because our AV can be pretty evil that is for sure!...keep strong girlie!!..Love & Peace my friend

Thank you so much for sharing that PCL, it has really helped me.

I am 8 months sober, but before I quit, I had developed a habit of adding diazepam into the mix. I was prescribed them for pain, but they were the only sure fire way I had to help me sleep so I began abusing them.

Since I've been sober, I have taken them once or twice when my insomnia has caused anxiety. Only a couple of times, but I know they're there and have remained an option. It sure would be a dangerous path for me to go down, I know that.

I've thrown them away this morning after reading your post.

Thank you x

Thanks for this PCL.I 'm glad you are feeling better
your post helped me.Whilst only 2 months sober I also had a bad habit of taking OTC codeine. Not many just 2 or 4 a day ,but like you say,whether I needed them or not. Your post helps re-inforce how easy it is to get sucked back in.Thank you and I hope you feel better soon

My commitment to sobriety includes all mind altering drugs for the reasons you have mentioned.

I am so proud of you and your honesty with this share, sister. My admiration and love grows deeper for you as we grow together in this insidious addiction. I'm glad you are ok (scared me reading this) and know your lessons are being learned daily. Keep the faith and strength. Here for you. Always. All ways. T

Amen, NBC!

Brave and courageous post PCL - thanks for sharing.

Big hugs

I'm an equal opportunity addict. Booze is handy, but if there are pills around, they will do too. After coming clean with my Dr and needing alcohol to sleep and to stave off anxiety, he offered some pills. I declined, but didn't tell him that month's worth of pills would last me probably less than a week.
Don't beat yourself up too much, there was a lot of temptation. I don't know about your husband, buy mine would have hidden or thrown out the pills knowing how 'I am'.

PCL

it's brave to come and share. Glad it did not get way out of control.

Thank you all for your kind words.
I will not make the mistake of believing an addict can control anything.
So no mind altering anything for me ever again.

I've worked too hard to get this far, to go back to the prison of addiction & pain.

I am free & I intend on staying that way.
Thanks for your support